I Am Nighttime

I do not like to wake at 5 a.m. and start the day. Nor do I like going to bed early (though I do, it's a marital compromise). 

When my husband worked a 24-hour shift as a firefighter, I frequently stayed up until 2 a.m. reading a book. I would get up about 7 a.m., regardless, but I did not - and still do not - hit my stride until about 10 a.m.

Then, I am at my best. When I was working hard at my freelancing, I did my best writing during the hours of 10 and 2, with an energy drop after 3 p.m.

Later, after dinner, often I would hit another upswing, and the nights my husband wasn't home might find me at the computer writing and working again in a second round, sometimes until the wee morning hours, if I had a deadline.

In this way, I could pump out 30+ articles a month. My rhythms are different.

I am not necessarily a nighttime person, but I also not a morning person. My life and my moods, though, are more like the moon.

I do not ever recall shining as brilliantly as the sun. My husband does that - for me, anyway, he's like a brilliant spot of sunshine.

There have been days when I may have shone as brilliantly as a supermoon on the cusp of moonrise. But not often.

I am moody. I am dark. I tend to see not progress, but regression. The cup half empty, not half full. I roam around through life with my eyes blinded sometimes, unable to see what I need to and yet sensing and knowing so much more than many others. I have always been able to make massive leaps from point A to point M and on to Z without too much effort. I can see how the puzzle pieces fit together in almost any given situation. I catch the meanings that others miss.

But the darkness does overcome me much more frequently than it should. Even though there are experts who do not believe children have problems with depression, I would say to them, "You are wrong." I have been depressed for as long as I can remember, and these days the doctor calls it dysthymia - long, drawn out depression that doesn't stop me in my tracks - I have never let it stop me completely - but which keeps me from enjoying many things.

I wane and wax like the moon, sometimes shriveling up until I am the new moon, a total darkness where the stars can best be seen. Only I do not see the stars until the moon begins waxing again. I know that the turn will come, it's just a question of when. When will I be a full moon again?

My husband was forewarned of this before we married, before I said yes to the question. I told him about my moods. Even at 20, I knew I had mood swings that could be difficult. I made sure he experienced them.

He married me anyway. Despite my eternal sadness, my constant emptiness, and the damnable feelings of unworthiness that have plagued me always, he smiled at me, lifted me, and married me.

I may be a creature of the night, but I am indeed a lucky one.

He Is Morning

My husband is a morning person. He's also a fairly jolly guy, not prone to moodiness or depression, and generally a happy fellow.

He has a sunny disposition and if things bother him, he doesn't show it. He doesn't mope around or talk about the things that are on his mind. He goes about his business, doing whatever it is he has set up for the day.

He comes in at lunch time for a meal and a kiss. I fix him a sandwich, usually, because that is all he wants. Some days we do eat salads, because we're adults and are supposed to be eating healthy things like that.

Before he retired, he used to get up around 5 a.m. almost every day.

When we married, those many decades ago, I determined I was going to be the good, dutiful wife and wake up with him and fix him breakfast before he went off to the fire station or to help his dad on the farm.

This lasted about two weeks.

One morning, I woke to fix him breakfast and stumbled into the kitchen, all bleary eyed and barely awake. I got a dozen eggs out of the refrigerator and . . . splat! I dropped them, and they broke all over the floor.

I took one look at them and burst into tears. He laughed and told me to go back to bed. "You don't have to fix my breakfast," he said.

And from then on, I did not. Nor did I get out of bed at 5 a.m. He would wake me before he left to offer me a goodbye kiss, and generally then I would wake up and rise from my bed. He didn't do any other things that I could see aside from fix himself breakfast and leave the dishes for me to clean up - but he doesn't like a lot of breakfast, anyway, and these days he is happy with a piece a toast or a few sausage links, or something like that, for breakfast.

He has taken to fixing us breakfast on Saturday and Sunday in the last year, something that surprised me. He fries a good egg. He also has bacon.

He's a morning person, my guy is.

My Morning Person

Happy New Year!

Here it is - the time for new beginnings. Diets, exercise, eat right - all of that stuff - becomes the focus for about two weeks, and then lags off and people go back to living as they did previously. Two weeks of salad is good, right?

I do not make resolutions - I don't see the point - but I do have some things I'd like to accomplish or do in the next 12 months.

For one thing, I think I badly need a vacation. Some time away might do wonders for my mood.

I also want to stop playing on the computer so much, unless I'm actually writing something (like this blog) or working on the bookkeeping. It's too bad, really, that I simply cannot find interest in crafts like knitting and crocheting, at least, enough to go into another room and do it. Those types of activities do not interest me. I don't know why. I don't do them well, but I am not bad at them, either.

I would like to see my county government figure out what it is doing. So far, apparently, they've given free rein to anyone with money to build anything they want. The southern end of the county, where the grocery stores are, is getting messy. 

And as for me, I'd like to be settled. Not happy, or even content. Just calmer and settled. Healthier and less anxious. That's all.

Just a few little tweaks here and there. Or maybe big ones. Who knows?

Anyway, happy new year to everyone, and thank you so much for reading me. I know everyone's time is valuable, and I am humbled that you choose to spend a few minutes reading my words from time to time.

May you be blessed.

 

New Year's Questions

1. What did you do in 2023 year that you had not done before?

A. I began playing music with my father and his friend Joe. We meet once a week at my dad's house and play old country songs. I also saw a different physical therapist when I went back to physical therapy. Since I'd been seeing the same one for over a decade, this was a big change.

 
2. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions/goals for 2023, and will you make/set more for 2024?  What are they? What are your new ones?

A. I don't make resolutions. I have goals but at the moment I don't care to share.

3. Did anyone you know give birth? Or get pregnant?

A. I'm sure somebody did, but nothing is coming to mind at the moment.

4. Did anyone you know die? Or have a serious illness? 

A. People I knew died. I am of the age when people die. Lots of people have been ill and some have had accidents.

5. What places did you visit? 

A. The grocery store, the doctor's office, the gas station. I may have hit the bookstore once last year. I stay home too much.

6. What would you like to have in 2024 that you lacked in 2023 (doesn't have to be a physical thing)?

A. Better health.

7. What date from 2023 will remain etched in your memory and why?

A. In 2023, I turned 60 and I celebrated 40 years of marriage. They are both big numbers, so I will remember the year for that.

8. What was your biggest achievement this year?

A. I didn't do anything that I consider a "big achievement."

 
9. Did you get sick or injured? Anyone you know?

A. I have actually been quite healthy since the onset of the pandemic (for me, anyway). Staying away from people has been good for my physical health. I know several people who have been sick or injured. I hurt my leg when I fell off a stool in October.

10. What was the best thing you bought?

A. A new electric guitar, which I did not actually buy. It was my wedding anniversary present from my husband. 

11. Where did most of your disposable income go (money left over after you pay for food, transportation and shelter)?

A. Into the farm.

12. What song will always remind you of this year?

A. I can't think of any.

13. What do you wish you would have done more of?

A. Writing. I wish I had done more writing.

14. What do you wish you would have done less of?

A. Playing video games.

15. What was your favorite new TV program? Movie? Album/Songs? Or if you didn't pick up any new ones, what are you still watching/listening to?

A. My favorite movie was Barbie, and the song What Was I Made For, by Billie Ellish, is a new favorite song (although it's very sad). I binge-watched Alaska Daily (I think that was in 2023) and was sorry it wasn't renewed. I still listen to 1970s music, Melissa Etheridge, and early Sheryl Crow music. 

These came from Sunday Stealing; there seemed to be two entries for this week or else I'm simply confused.

Sunday Stealing

Not sure what the issue was with Sunday Stealing, but these were the questions that were up when I went to do it. Now there are new ones. I will answer those, too, because well, why not?

What is your . . .

1. Favorite food?

A. Eggs. You can do anything with eggs.

2. Favorite color?

A. A bluish purple.

3. Favorite animal?

A. Dogs. I don't have one because of my allergies, but I like dogs.

4. Favorite thing to do on a cold day?

A. Read a book and drink a cup of hot water.

5. Favorite vacation spot?

A. It used to be Myrtle Beach, SC, but honestly, I am not sure I have one anymore.

6. Favorite TV show?

A. We watch a lot of reruns of The Big Bang Theory, but I'm don't think that's my favorite TV show. I don't really have favorite shows. I have shows I like and shows I don't watch, but I can't say that any of them is my favorite.

7. Favorite mythical creature?

A. Unicorns. They're just so phallic and magical.

8. Favorite fairy tale?

A. I was always partial to Snow White and Rose Red, which has nothing to do with the Disney version of Snow White and the 7 Dwarves. In Snow White and Rose Red, they are two little girls who live alone with their mother. A bear comes to the door during the winter and asks to be warmed by the fire. The family agrees, and the girls grow close to the bear. The bear leaves when the weather warms, saying he has to guard his treasure from an evil dwarf. The girls roam the woods and run across a dwarf and save him three times. The next time they see him, their friend the bear is getting ready to kill him, which he does, and the bear turns into a handsome prince. He marries Snow White and his brother marries Rose Red.

9. Favorite thing to draw?

A. I don't draw.

10. Favorite scent?

A. Chocolate chip cookies baking.

11. Favorite mode of transportation?

A. Car, I guess.

12. Favorite vegetable?

A. Broccoli.

13. Favorite candy?

A. Chocolate.

14. Favorite sport?

A. I don't have one.

15. Favorite weather?

A. I like a day when it's all sunny, with a brilliant blue sky, and the temperature is about 70 degrees with the slightest of breeze, and the trees are filled out with their green leaves, and birds are chirping all around, with butterflies in the meadow flitting about from flower to flower.

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I encourage you to visit other participants in Sunday Stealing posts and leave a comment. Cheers to all us thieves who love memes, however we come by them.

Saturday 9

Saturday 9: The Old Me (2020)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

 

We're bidding adieu to the old year with a song about looking back. 

1) In this song, the lead singer thanks his younger self for everything he learned from past experience. What's something you learned in 2023?

A. I learned that I am more afraid than I thought I was. Afraid of what, you may ask? Everything. Leaving the house. Stretching myself, trying new things, leaving my comfort zone. Leaving my safe space. Losing. Winning. 

 

2) He admits he did some things he wished he hadn't. Did you do anything in 2023 you wish you could take back?

A. I wish we hadn't put fertilizer on the hayfields only to watch them burn up in a drought. That was an expensive loss.

3) This music video consists of old photographs. Do you have many photos lingering on your phone or camera? Or are you prompt about downloading them?

A. I am fairly prompt about downloading them. I keep a few on my phone that I want to see, but generally delete them and keep it clean. No old ones on my cameras at all.

4) This week's featured artist is 5 Seconds of Summer, a band from Australia. Have you ever been to the land down under? If not, would you like to go?

A. I have never been to Australia. I wouldn't mind a trip there, especially if I could hop over to New Zealand while I was in the neighborhood.

 

5) In 2020, when this song was popular, "murder hornets," aka the giant Asian hornet, were spotted for the first time in the United States. Are you afraid of bugs?

A. It depends on the bug. Generally, though, no. If my husband is home, I will do the girly thing and go "Ew, a big spider, kill it!" but if he isn't around, I just take care of it myself.

6) Enough about 2020! Let's look back on 2023. Did you travel this past year?

A. I went to the grocery store. I think that's about as far as I got.

7) What was the biggest purchase that you made in 2023?

A. We bought a weed sprayer thing for the fields that never was used because the rains didn't come. The pasture dried up and the fields didn't need to be sprayed for weeds because weeds was all there was. No point in killing them when that was all the cows would have to eat.

8) What was your favorite book of 2023?

A. I don't really have favorite books, but I liked A Man Called Otto. It made me think. I also liked Catch-22 much more than I expected to.

9) What are you looking forward to most in 2024?

A. Hopefully we will take a vacation. We haven't had one since 2019.  We haven't made any plans, though.

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I encourage you to visit the posts of other participants in Saturday 9 and leave a comment. Because there are no rules, it is your choice. Saturday 9 players hate rules. We love memes, however. 

Friday Mish-Mash

No one has become ill since Christmas, when we had an accidental exposure to the Covid virus. We have been following the CDC recommendations, which are: if exposed to Covid, mask for 10 days, and on the 5th day, take a Covid test. If negative, continue to mask (but you can stop worrying - they don't say that, but I inferred it) until the 10-day period is over.

My husband, my mother-in-law, and I all took at-home Covid tests this morning, and we were all negative. None of us have had any symptoms. Well, I always have sinus drainage and nasal issues, so it's not easy to tell with me sometimes, but I'd not experienced anything out of the ordinary. We have no plans to go anywhere until next week, so I think we're good. Hopefully, I am not speaking out too soon.

We haven't taken down the tree yet. I never know when to take it down. Usually, I take it down when I tire of it. Sometimes that is before New Year's Day, sometimes not. I know there is folk lore about when to take the tree down, but I don't pay attention to that. I've done it all sorts of ways and never noticed a change in my luck for good or ill.

There are still hundreds, if not thousands, of starlings flying about. They are not congregating at the bird feeder, so I don't know what is going on. They all rise en masse, flutter about for a half-second, and land again. It's like one big hive mind of birds milling about in the front yard. They are also quite noisy. It's a bit unnerving to see so many flitting about, covering up the fields, and filling the trees. When the flock flies over the house, it sounds like a little plane.

Cold is seeping in as the temperatures drop. We have a slight chance of snow. I am not expecting that to happen, but one never knows. We could wake in the morning to a world covered in white stuff. Or maybe it will only rain.

A new year brings changes, I hope. I just never know if they are for good or ill.

Thursday Thirteen #840

 

We are winding up another year, so I thought I'd take a look back and see what kind of stuff I was up to in the last 12 months.

1. I read and/or listened to 63 books. They ranged from classics like Catch-22, by Joseph Heller, and Tarzan of the Apes, by Edgar Rice Burroughs (which was actually very good), to books by Janet Evanovich, Debbie Macomber, and Louise Penny, and ranged in genre from fantasy to mystery to self-help to memoir.

2. I washed at least 720 loads of laundry. To only be two people we go through many clothes. This is because we live on a farm and my husband in particular can change clothes three times a day. The cow doody has to be washed off.

3. I cooked at least 365 meals, although I suspect it was a larger number. Usually I don't fix breakfast, but I do fix lunch and supper. However, I only counted one meal a day. Sometimes my hubby makes his own sandwich.

4. I edited one book for someone, and it was published in October.

5. I wrote and published 42 articles. I also wrote 330 blog posts. Not quite one a day, but close.

6. I returned to physical therapy for a couple of weeks to work on a chronic pain issue.

7. I began playing music once a week (give or take) with my father and a friend of his.

8. I made the bed 365 times. I stripped the linens and replaced them 52 times.

9. I swallowed approximately 24,000 pills (not all at once, of course). I take 9 different prescription drugs, some of them multiple times a day, plus a lot of vitamins. (I had no idea it was that many until I started adding them up.)

10. I lost six pounds and kept it off.

11. I walked approximately 1.16 million steps during the year, and that's at an estimate of 3,200 steps a day, which is about what I averaged when I was using a Fitbit before it died. Some of you walked 10 million steps or more.

12. I spent over 1,000 hours playing video games. (One of my new year's goals is to stop that.)

13. I answered approximately 1,400 spam phone calls on the landline. I wouldn't answer them except we have businesses to run, and some calls come in on that number.

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Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here if you want to read other Thursday Thirteens and/or play along. I've been playing for a while, and this is my 840th time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday. Or so sayth the Blogger counter, anyway.

Hundreds of Birds

For the last several days, we've been inundated with birds. They appear to be starlings and grackles.

Yesterday, they pooped all over the house. My husband went outside and thought someone had thrown mud all over the garage door and his truck. I looked and immediately pronounced it to be bird doodoo.

He washed off what he could, but the house will need a good pressure wash when the weather warms.

Earlier, I stepped outside to get a breath of fresh air because it's 62 degrees out, which is quite warm for this time of year.

I was greeted with the mighty tweet of hundreds of birds in the trees about 75 yards away from the house.

I really like this shot.

 

Here's a little 20-second video clip of the birds chattering away.

So, This Was Christmas

We officially now have what I refer to as "old people's" Christmas. The children are grown, leaving only us older folks to gather around. The younger crowd is off doing their own thing, more or less.

So this was our "old people's" Christmas -

My stepmother and stepsister.

My father.

My husband (left) and my father.

My mother-in-law (left), stepmother, and stepsister.

I think my stepsister is giving me the eye while I snap photos.

My mother-in-law.

My brother's girlfriend and my niece. My niece is not an old
person, she is in college but was visiting her dad and came
over with him.

Somehow, I missed getting a picture of my brother. 

The family came in two waves; my father, stepmother, and stepsister came along around 2, and then my brother and his family came later. My mother-in-law spanned both visits, which, incidentally, took place on Christmas Eve.

At dark, I noticed my tree reflecting in the patio door.

My brother gave me a Lord of the Rings puzzle.

He also gave me a Royal Mint collector's coin that features Tolkien.

I gave my father a throw for the couch that had acoustic guitars on it, Dolly Parton's CD, and a book. I gave my stepmother a cape and some storage things. I gave my stepsister a gift basket that unfortunately had a lot of stuff in it she can't eat because I forget she's diabetic.

I gave my brother collector's edition books of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, along with a 3-D light of the Starship U.S.S. Enterprise and a Bendyfig of Captain Kirk. I gave his girlfriend a book that offers up daily spiritual sayings. I have a copy of the book and like it so I thought she'd like it. My niece received money.

My husband and I had our Christmas on Christmas Day. He gave me some guitar stuff and a new microphone to replace the one I have that has a short in it. I also received a couple of books and a package of Omaha meat.

I gave my husband clothes, mostly. And a kiss for good measure.

On Christmas Day, we also spent some time with my mother-in-law. My brother called to tell me that my niece had woke in the night with a sore throat and tested positive for Covid, so now we are all holding our breath to see if anyone gets sick. I need to check the CDC site for symptoms and incubation period. I hope no one becomes ill.

Somehow, I have managed to go this long with this being my first known exposure to Covid. Fingers crossed.

Happy Holidays!

 

Sunday Stealing

1. Who did you spend time with this year?

A. My husband, mostly. I spent time with my friends on the phone.

2. Anything change with the pets in your life?

A. I don't have pets. I have cows. They calved and we took them to market, just like every year.

3. What was your job like this year? What do you do? Did any roles or assignments change? If you aren’t employed, base this question on your work at home or volunteering.

A. I did my daily household chores. I wrote articles for a local online paper. Nothing much changed, really.

4. What was the best book you read this year?  How many did you read?

A. I have read 62 books (so far) this year. I'm working on 63 & 64. The best book I read was A Man Called Ove, by Frank Backman.

5. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you? Did you feel differently? 

A. I didn't do much of anything on my birthday. I did not feel different. I am not saying how old I was but it was one of those birthdays with a "0" in it.

6. What political or social issue stirred you the most? 

A. Oh heavens. I feel like I feel into pre-World War II Germany.

7. Who was the most interesting new person you met?

A. My father has a friend named Joe, whom I had met before but had not spent time with. We have been playing music together. He's a great guitar player and could teach me a lot, I think.

8. What changed in your home?

A. Very little. My husband hung two new sets of deer antlers in the garage. That's about it.

9. What have you learned throughout the year? (Other than crafts) Can be a new skill or a life lesson.

A. I have learned that it is none of my business what other people think of me. I used to care, but I have learned not to. I'm too old now to give a damn.

10. What was your favorite outfit for warm weather? Cooler weather?  What do you wear when you dress up? Any new clothes or accessories you really love?

A. No new outfits, no favorites. I just wear jeans and t-shirts. 

11. Did you make or give up on any efforts to be healthier? Diet, water, exercise etc?

A. I lost six pounds and have kept it off.

12. Fave meals, snacks, desserts, restaurants etc? Eat out or eat in?

A. We mostly eat in. I do not have a favorite meal anymore. It used to be sweet and sour shrimp, but I developed a shrimp allergy and the sweet and sour sauce upsets my stomach if I try to eat S/S chicken. I suppose anything chocolate would be a favorite dessert.

13. Did you learn any new crafts or techniques? What was your favorite thing you made?

A. I didn't learn anything new.

14. What are your hopes and dreams for the new year?  (Some suggestions-family, travel, work, lifestyle, hobbies, pets, appearance)

A. I would like to find a part-time job of some kind.

15. What was the best new/new-to-you thing you a) bought b) made c) acquired in some other way?

A. I have a new Fender guitar that my husband gave me for our 40th anniversary.

__________

I encourage you to visit other participants in Sunday Stealing posts and leave a comment. Cheers to all us thieves who love memes, however we come by them.

Saturday 9: Happy Holidays

 

SATURDAY 9: HAPPY HOLIDAYS

 From the archives

1. When Sam Winters (the meme author) was a little girl, she loved giving her annual wish list to Santa. If you could ask Santa for anything at all, right now, what would it be?

A. There's always the Peace on Earth wish, but that ain't happening. So, I will take it closer to home and ask for a hard-shell case for my Fender electric guitar. That's simple and easy, right?

2. Are you currently on the Naughty or Nice list? How did you get there?

A. I am on the Nice list because I am not mean, outlandish, or naughty. I swear and I am overweight. Those are my vices. If everyone who says f&ck and eats too much is on the naughty list, the nice list is very short.

3. Are you traveling this Christmas? If so, are you going by car, plane or train?

A. I am not traveling.

4. Did you ship any gifts to friends and family this year? If yes, which one traveled the farthest?

A. I sent a gift to a friend in England, but I ordered it from Amazon UK. So I am not sure how far it actually traveled.

5. Did you buy yourself a gift this year?

A. I bought a pair of earrings to fill out an order so I could get free shipping.

6. Which do you prefer: candy canes or gingerbread?

A. Gingerbread.

7. Close your eyes and tell us the first carol that comes to mind.

A. The First Noel.

8. What's your favorite winter beverage?

A. Water. It's all I drink anymore. It used to be hot chocolate, though.

9. Share a memory from last Christmas.

A. Oy vey. Last Christmas? Last Christmas took three blog entries to describe. We lost power in 0-degree weather. We didn't have Christmas, not really. We were busy trying to keep the pipes in the house from freezing, and chopping out the frozen ice from the cattle waterers, and ensuring that everyone else was ok, too. We were saved by my wonderful friend and her husband, who brought us dinner on Sunday afternoon, which was Christmas Day, just as the power came back on, and my husband and I had a wonderful meal that I was most thankful for, since I'd only had sandwiches for days.

_______________

I encourage you to visit the posts of other participants in Saturday 9 and leave a comment. Because there are no rules, it is your choice. Saturday 9 players hate rules. We love memes, however. 

Thursday Thirteen

 

1. On the first day of Christmas, I tried not to cry. The Christmas tree was too much for me by myself. I hated asking the husband for help.

2. On the second day of Christmas, I wrote out my list. I have no idea what to buy for gifts.

3. On the third day of Christmas, I set out to shop. Thank goodness for my little laptop.

4. On the fourth day of Christmas, I sat down to write my cards. I found my messages to folks were hard to write.

5. On the fifth day of Christmas, UPS rolled in with gifts. I wondered if anyone would like the things I picked.

6. On the sixth day of Christmas, I started looking for the tape, because a new pack cost $6.88.

7. On the seventh day of Christmas, I couldn't find my special recipes. I printed off a few I found online.

8. On the eighth day of Christmas, I found my recipe. I was relieved and I could go and make penuche.

9. On the ninth day of Christmas, I made a slab of fudge. I put in the freezer and hoped it would be good.

10. On the tenth day of Christmas, I watched Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer. This time I did not fall asleep.

11. On the eleventh day of Christmas, I found a fruit cake for my guy. I also bought him old fashioned custard, which he likes.

12. On the twelfth day of Christmas, I played carols with my dad, and when I came home, I was kind of mad.

13. On the thirteenth day of Christmas, I said, "That's enough," and I sat down to drink a cup of ... something.

______________

Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here if you want to read other Thursday Thirteens and/or play along. I've been playing for a while, and this is my 839th time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday. Or so sayth the Blogger counter, anyway.

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