Alderian Psychology

I have been listening to a book called The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga.

The book delves into the principles of Adlerian psychology, which is something I never remember hearing about despite taking psychological courses in college.

Adlerian psychology, founded by Alfred Adler around the same time as Sigmond Freud's better-known theories came about, emphasizes the importance of individual purpose and social interest. It suggests that our behavior is not determined by past traumas but by our goals and the meaning we assign to our experiences. 

Some key concepts as the Internet seems to understand Adlerian psychology:

Individual Psychology: Adler emphasized the uniqueness of each person and the importance of understanding individuals within their social context.

Feelings of Inferiority: Adler believed that feelings of inferiority drive individuals to strive for superiority and success. These feelings often stem from early childhood experiences.

Social Interest: A core concept in Adlerian psychology is the idea of social interest, which refers to an individual's sense of belonging and contribution to society.

Lifestyle: Adlerian therapy involves assessing an individual's lifestyle, which includes their beliefs, values, and strategies for dealing with life's challenges.

Encouragement: Adlerian therapists use encouragement to help clients see possibilities and believe in their abilities to overcome challenges.

Goal-Oriented Behavior: Adlerian theory posits that human behavior is goal-oriented and motivated by striving for personal goals.

Adlerian therapy allegedly focuses on understanding an individual's lifestyle and social interests, examining past experiences and family dynamics, and encouraging goal-setting and positive behavior changes to foster a sense of belonging and purpose

The Courage book encourages readers to embrace self-acceptance, take responsibility for their actions, and find the courage to be disliked in order to live authentically. Kind of a "do what you want and who cares about anyone else" sort of philosophy. I suspect this appeals more to narcissists than to people of other temperaments.

The book is structured as a dialogue between a philosopher and a young man. It does not go into detail about various psychologies or philosophies it mentions, which is a bit of a hindrance if the reader is not familiar with these types of issues and concerns. It also does not dovetail with the definition of Adlerian psychology that I found online, at least, not entirely. The book offers more of a life philosophy that emphasizes tasks and goals as the reason for living. I confess I find that idea to be distasteful.

That, to me, is a human doing, not a human being.

Not a book I recommend for self-growth, really, but if you want to learn about a different approach to certain ways of dealing with certain people, there may be some value there.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen books in my "TBR" pile:

1. The Nature of Witches, by Rachel Griffin

2. "Nothing is worth more than this day," by Kathryn & Ross Petras

3. Coyote Weather, by Amanda Cockrell*

4. Chronicles of Botetourt County, by Edwin L. McCoy*

5. West of Santillane, by Brook Allen*

6. Kingdom of Copper, by S.A. Chakraborty

7. News! by Dan Smith*

8. The President's Daughter, by Bill Clinton & James Patterson

9. Writing Fantasy & Science Fiction, by Orson Scott Card, et al

10. The Year of Living Constitutionally, by A. J. Jacobs

11. From Strength to Strength, by Arthur C. Brooks

12. Atomic Habits, by James Clear

13. On Tyranny, by Timothy Snyder **

* Local authors. I like to support the local authors when I can.

** I've picked it up and skipped around in it to read various chapters, but haven't read the entire thing.

The big question then is - will I ever get these read? Probably eventually, but this year I seem more into listening to audiobooks than reading. I have this need to listen. I think it is because I myself do not feel heard.

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Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here if you want to read other Thursday Thirteens and/or play along. I've been playing for a while, and this is my 877th time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday. Or so sayth the Blogger counter, anyway.

Movies, TV, & Books

Last night we watched part of the Oscar Awards, mostly because we couldn't find anything else we wanted to watch.

The only movie I have seen of all the movies mentioned was Barbie. I don't go to the theater often and some of these movies simply haven't made it to HBO/MAX yet.

Most of them I'd barely heard of. I am not a connoisseur of pop culture, apparently.

As for the Oscar Awards show, I neither liked it nor disliked it. It was just something to watch.

Movies

Now, on to the most recent movie I have watched: Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom, starring Jason Momoa.

Apparently, this movie was in theaters in December. We watched it when it came on HBO last weekend.

It is not a great movie. It's not even a good movie. When I spend more time trying to see what references to other movies and books I can find in a picture than actually watching the picture itself, then it's definitely not holding my interest.

This movie had references to Star Wars, H.G. Wells books, Batman and Robin, 48 Hours, Castaway, Thor, Harry Potter, and loads of other DC Comic lore. I am sure I missed other references, too.

Frankly, I'm about comic-book charactered out with movies, and hope that Hollywood moves on to better films, preferably not remakes of old ones as that seems to be the pattern of the moment. I would like to see something original occasionally.

I'm not going into the Aquaman plot; anyone can find a rehash of it on Wikipedia and all I wanted to note was I saw it, Momoa was fun to look at, and it was definitely a "B" rated flick.

TV

This brings me to the most recent binge of TV. I watched all six episodes of HBO's True Detectives: Night Country, staring Jody Foster. Mostly I watched it because I have always liked Jody Foster.

This show was weird and creepy. My husband said it gave me nightmares, although if it did, I don't remember them. But it was a different sort of show and I'm not sure I would have watched it had it not been for Foster.

Foster's character was a true hard-assed bitch named Liz Danvers. (The name made me think of Super Girl, whose last name was Danvers when she wasn't saving the world, so I wish they'd used another name, unless the inference was intentional.) Danvers was trying to solve two murders along with another police officer, Evangaline Navarro, played by Kali Reis.

Actually, it was more than two murders, as the initial murder was of six different men, all found naked out in the frozen Alaska tundra, their faces contorted in fear and their bodies molded together with ice. The officers called it a "corpsicle," which should tell you a lot about the humor of this show. It was very dark humor. Somehow this murder tied in with an older unsolved murder case. 

Most everything that seemed supernatural in the show could be explained, but it was one seriously delusional piece of work. Masterfully done, well-acted, and a bit crazy. I am glad I watched it, but like Game of Thrones, it's not something I intend to ever watch again.

Books

I've mentioned recently that I finished Heather Cox Richardson's book, Democracy Awakening. It's a very important book for these times and one that I encourage everyone, regardless of political persuasion, to read. The historical aspect that leads us to today is incredible and I guarantee that there are things in this book that one did not learn in the public schools, and maybe not even in college.

Another book I recently finished that was quite eye-opening was Educated, by Tara Westover. This memoir of a young woman who was "homeschooled" and a member of the Mormon faith is incredibly eye-opening and concerning. The story opens with an admonishment that the book is not meant to deny or endorse any religion, but it doesn't make religion of any kind look good. I think it reflects the evangelical religiosity that has taken hold of some folks and made them a bit crazy, regardless of brand of faith. I have never been one to live my life on emotion and have tried to be rational in my thought processes, although being human I am sure I've failed. But people who are living only on faith and belief are people I cannot understand. They do not step back and self-examine themselves or their actions and cannot or do not see reality in a way that I understand.

It is difficult to be the person who is different in any family; I imagine it must be nearly impossible in an evangelical one. Westover's memoir showed how difficult it was, and how hard it can be to overcome backwards thinking. 

It's definitely a book to read (or listen to, as I did), and think about.

Thursday Thirteen

These are the nonfiction books I have read this year, with the exception of the inclusion of #2, which was listed as a novel. I included it because it was about the Japanese internment camps in the US during World War II and while written as a novel, I had the feeling it was based more on family lore than fiction.

Some of these books I don't remember much about, so obviously they didn't stick with me. Those include The Power of Habit and The 60-Something Crisis. Either I wasn't paying attention or the messages in the books weren't new or impressive enough to warrant my attention.

The memoirs/autobiographies are all female, except for David Sedaris's books. The books by Carly Simon and Jennifer Grey were somewhat dismaying; Carly Simon's book in particular perhaps should not have been written. Our Little Secret is a biography of Melissa Etheridge by an adoring fan, and it ended in 1999, so there wasn't much new information there. My favorites were The First Lady of World War II, which was about Eleanor Roosevelt, and Back to the Prairie, by Melissa Gilbert, which surprised me with how good it was.

Anything by David Sedaris is good; I think I have now read most of his books.

1. Boys in Trees, by Carly Simon

2. When the Emperor Was Divine, by Julie Otsuka

3. Our Little Secret, by Joyce Luck

4. If You Ask Me, by Betty White

5. The Power of Habit, by Charles Duhigg

6. The First Lady of World War II, by Shannon McKenny Schmidt

7. Back to the Prairie, a Home Remade, by Melissa Gilbert

8. 1963, a Turning Point in Civil Rights, by Lawrence C. Campbell, Sr.

9. The 60-Something Crisis, by Barbara Pagano

10. Out of the Corner, by Jennifer Grey

11. Holidays on Ice, by David Sedaris

12. Theft by Finding, by David Sedaris

13. In Such Good Company, by Carol Burnette

Extra: Born with Teeth, by Kate Mulgrew

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Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here if you want to read other Thursday Thirteens and/or play along. I've been playing for a while, and this is my 836th time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday. Or so sayth the Blogger counter, anyway.

Book Stuff

If You Ask Me (And of Course You Won't)
By Betty White

Copyright 2012

Audiobook 2.25 hrs

Foggy Mountain Breakdown

By Sharon McCrumb

Copyright 2008

Audiobook 4 hrs

Two short audiobooks, very different subjects.

Betty White's nonfiction book is a flip little advice/memoir book where she takes on topics such as fame, friendship, and of course, pets. She reads the book herself, at the age of 89. She makes fun of herself and offers up tidbits of life in the fast lane of Hollywood, but there are no secrets here. The writing is good and it was fun to listen to her read her book. When she started talking about one of her pets that had passed away, I could tell she was crying. You don't get that often in an audiobook.

Sharon McCrumb's fiction book was a series of short stories, none really related to one another. Several of them had Appalachian settings. She has a nice little twist at the end of each story that gives it its reason for existing. The writing is tight and well-done. The audiobook readers were multiple and did a good job.

I picked both of these because they were short and I had interest in the authors/topics. Betty White has died, but I still watch Golden Girls, and it's always interesting to see how something I know nothing about works. Sharon McCrumb lives locally and I follow her on Facebook.

These days I pick my audiobooks by length. Anything over 10-12 hours I dismiss as I am simply not eager to be exhausted by a long audiobook at the moment. Short ones? Yes!

The First Lady of WWII

The First Lady of World War II: Eleanor Roosevelt's Daring Journey to the Frontlines and Back
By Shannon McKenna Schmidt

Copyright 2023

221 pages plus photos & bibliography

Twenty years ago, I started working for an older lawyer and former Virginia legislator who wanted to write a book about World War II and the Pacific front. He had started the book with another person, someone I know, and she moved, and recommended me. 

So, about a third of the book was written before he hired me. He had me read that to see if I was interested. We met once a week and he would dictate what he wanted to say. Frequently, what he wanted to say came from other sources - secondary sources, books others had written. Despite my concerns that he was plagiarizing, he wrote the whole book that way. He did some source research at the Woodrow Wilson Library at VMI, and he went to Norfolk once to some library there, but a good deal of his book and the facts within were lifted from secondary sources.

I footnoted everything as best I could, but the first part of the book I couldn't do much with since I hadn't been there at its inception. This was my first real foray into helping someone write a book, or copyediting, for that matter, so I learned a lot about writing a book and using a style sheet and so on and so forth.

But I also learned a lot about the Pacific Theater during World War II. So, when my friend gave me this book for my birthday, I was thrilled.

Because I'd helped that old fellow with his WWII book (which he did publish), I knew a lot more than I suspect many people might. The names of generals, admirals, and locations were familiar to me. I knew about Midway, Papua New Guinea, and other things.

But I didn't know that Eleanor Roosevelt had visited Guadalcanal and was there during an air raid.

In fact, I didn't know much about this First Lady until I read this book. She is fascinating and I will have to hunt up a full biography on her now to learn more about this dynamic personality who, I suspect, was a leader beyond compare. She was definitely formidable for the times.

As best I can tell, this book is well-researched, and the facts rang true to me from what I remember from my earlier foray into working on such matters. It is not footnoted per se, but there is an extensive bibliography with chapter notes and references in the back.

If you have any interest in World War II and want a glimpse into the exhausting and exhilarating life of Eleanor Roosevelt, I highly recommend this book. 

WWW.Wednesday

I have never participated in this meme. It asks the same three questions about books every Wednesday. The link to the meme is here, although I'm just using the questions and not actively participating.

1. What are you currently reading?

I am currently reading Out of the Corner, by Jennifer Grey. It is a memoir. It starts out immediately with information about the infamous "nose job" that allegedly derailed her acting career. 

I am listening to Holidays on Ice, by David Sedaris. I usually have a book on tape going along with one I am reading. I just started it, but I can already see it covers some material I've heard in other books of his I have listened to.

2. What did you recently finish reading?

I recently finished reading Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe, by Benjamin Alire Saenz. It is being "challenged" and reviewed for banning at my local library. I wrote a detailed review of the book here. The book did not offend me, nor would I hesitate to let a young person read it if I were the parent.

3. What do you think you’ll read next?

I will probably read or listen to another book that's on the "to be reviewed for banning" list. 

Here's the list of books the local library is currently reviewing. I am opposed to book banning, especially if the books are all as harmless as the one I just finished.

 • Sex, Puberty, and All That Stuff: A Guide to Growing Up by Jacqui Bailey (nonfiction)

• Queer Ducks (and Other Animals): The Natural World of Animal Sexuality by Eliot Schrefer (nonfiction)

• Naomi and Ely’s No Kiss List: A Novel by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan

• Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green

• Georgia Peaches and Other Forbidden Fruit by Jaye Robin Brown

• Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Saenz

• Growing Up LGBTQ by Duchess Harris (nonfiction)

• Girl Made of Stars by Ashley Herring Blake

• Cool for the Summer by Dahlia Adler

• Hot Dog Girl by Jennifer Dugan

• Ramona Blue by Julie Murphy

• The Every Body Book – Rachel Simon (nonfiction)

There is also a request to review a DVD called Bros.

Listening to David Sedaris

Last year, I listened to five of David Sedaris's books. I haven't read (with my eyes) the first one, but I have listened to Calypso, Me Talk Pretty One Day, Happy Go Lucky, Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls, and When You Are Engulfed in Flames.

A few days ago, I started listening to Theft by Finding. This is a compilation of diary entries from 1977 to 2002, published in 2018.

An unknown writer such as I could never have something like this published. This is something only someone with a known following could get away with.

It also covered material I'd heard in other places. Some of it, I could tell, appeared to have been fleshed out from diary entries.

I found certain things interesting: price increases in items from 1977 forward, for example, along with his income and the ways he chose to make money. For a good while, his work of choice was some kind of construction or moving furniture type of work, although he was also writing and producing plays.

He also was a heavy drug and alcohol user until the late 1990s, when he stopped drinking and using drugs.

Another thing I noted was that prior to 1982 or so, Sedaris didn't have many reports of being accosted on the streets for money, cigarettes, or other items, but after the Reagan administration set all of the mentally ill people loose upon the general public* (my observation, not his), then this became more common in Sedaris's recitations of things that he had made note of. Some of this may have been age; he was a man by then and not a teenager. However, I was astonished at how often he was asked for money and cigarettes in the United States. He noted one or two instances of begging in a foreign country, but here it is common, and he didn't hesitate to point it out.

Being in a rural community, I do not see this often, although when I worked downtown in the nearest city, I did and still do when I am unlucky enough to be down there.

Other things Sedaris has made note of in this book include a long discussion of bow ties (apparently, he wears one) and book signings. His book signings apparently bring in 400+ people, which to me is astonishing as I have seldom seen that many people at a book signing. I think most authors are fortunate if one or two people show up. 

For a while I have been unsure if all of this traveling and presenting Sedaris said he was doing was actually book readings or a comedy routine he put together. I'm still not certain. His biography on Wikipedia indicates all of the above.

Maybe as I go backwards and listen to his earlier work, I'll sort it out in my head.

His sister, by the way, is Amy Sedaris, who has appeared in The Mandalorian, among other things.

*The Mental Health Systems Act of 1980 (MHSA) was United States legislation signed by President Jimmy Carter which provided grants to community mental health centers. In 1981 President Ronald Reagan, who had made major efforts during his Governorship to reduce funding and enlistment for California mental institutions, pushed a political effort through the U.S. Congress to repeal most of MHSA. The MHSA was considered landmark legislation in mental health care policy. The Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act of 1981, signed by President Ronald Reagan on August 13, 1981, repealed most of the Mental Health Systems Act. And that's why the mentally ill live on the streets.

Books: In Such Good Company

In Such Good Company
By Carol Burnett

Copyright 2017

Winner of the 2017 Grammy for Best Spoken Word Album

This was not what I expected.

A book written and read by Carol Burnett should have been a laugh a minute, right? I grew up watching her show. She was hilarious. So, I checked this out of the library because I thought I could use a good laugh.

I laughed once, and that was at some point in the last 2 hours of the audio when she did the Tarzan yell.

This is a behind-the-scenes story of her show. She goes through skits, talks about guest stars, and mentioned cameramen, producers, and loads of other people.

She talks about how Vickie Lawrence, Tim Conway, Harvey Korman and Lyle Waggoner joined the show. 

What she doesn't do is talk much about Carol Burnett. Oh, there are a few stories here and there - the pulling on her ear was a signal to her grandmother, who raised her, telling her she loved her, for example. There are hints that she went to college, that she went to New York to be in the theater, that she and her husband Joe worked well together; she mentions having children.

But there is little of Carol Burnett in this reading. I guess if you're a connoisseur of old TV and want to know how things worked back in the day, this might be a great read. I did not mind listening to it, not at all, and I learned a great deal. 

However, I wanted to know about Carol Burnett.

I wanted to know her favorite color. How she raised her children while she worked. If she ever finished college. There are hints of her life throughout, but only hints. There is no deep outing of Carol Burnett in these lines.

One of the things that struck me was the difference in hours between Carol's work on this weekly show - from the sounds of it she put in 6-hour days, mostly - and Kate Mulgrew's 12-18 hour days for Star Trek: Voyager. (I recently read Mulgrew's autobiography.) Carol mentioned that she could take the kids to school and pick them up most days, except for the day they did the show. Kate Mulgrew's kids grew up barely seeing their mother for 7 years while she worked on Voyager.

At any rate, if you want to know a little about Carol Burnett but a lot about the Carol Burnett show, then this is a great book. If you want to know a lot about Carol Burnett, then it's not so great.

Like anything, it depends on your perspective.

Playing Catch-Up

January is a horrid month, and I'm glad it's over. February isn't much better, but at least by now I have finished getting the paperwork together for the taxes and have that pain out of the way.

I have been remiss in my blog, though. I don't generally go two days and not write something. I couldn't think of anything to write yesterday that didn't make me tired when I thought about it, so I wrote nothing.

But today I'm not creatively tired, I am ready to write something.

So here goes.

Books

So far this year, I've read A Trick of the Light, by Louise Penny, which was one of the books in her series I skipped by accident, The Recovery Agent, by Janet Evanovich, which is a reworked version of a more competent Stephanie Plum with her ex-husband in Lula's role, Unf#ck Your Brain, by Dr. Faith Harper, a self-help book, Into the Glades, by Laura Sebastian, which is a young adult fantasy, and The Jasmine Throne, by Tasha Suri. 

The last book is an adult fantasy book, and like many of the fantasies I read, it takes on a political tone and examines the role of the feminine in power. The magic in the book was intriguing in that is a feminine magic - control of the Earth's soil and plants, along with another type of magic that involves telling the future. No fire wizards or things like that, although fire plays a big role in this story, wielded as a manly power. Swords and not guns. My only complaint was multiple points of views; I occasionally forgot who was talking and had to flip back to the beginning of the chapter to see whose name was on it. I recommend it if you prefer your books to have strong female characters and can imagine bucking the patriarchy one day.

The book I am currently reading is called Born with Teeth, by Kate Mulgrew. It is an autobiography (not a memoir), and I decided to read it because I try to read nonfiction and fiction alike. The last autobiography I read was Sally Field's. I prefer to read autobiographies or memoir of women, but dang if every woman who writes a memoir hasn't been raped at some point. I know that statistically something like 1 in every 3 women has been raped or a victim of incest or something, but I am not so sure that every single female in this world hasn't been manhandled at the crotch by some guy at some point. Mulgrew was robbed and raped not on a casting couch, but as she tried to fumble her way into her New York apartment with her hands full of grocery bags.

We do a poor job of raising men, if every woman is considered fair game. And apparently, we are.

The State of the Union

I did not watch The State of the Union address last night. I consider that political theater on the part of both sides. I have read varying synopses of is, and as best I can tell, some of the crazier Republicans acted like children and Dark Brandon handed them their ass on an environmentally friendly clay platter.

Since I read about the political scene almost every day, I know the state of the union without the drama and theater. I also buy groceries and gas, and listen to people, and read stuff from both sides of the aisle. The truth and the facts are in the middle. Sorting them out is a yeoman's task.

Contrary to popular belief, neither side represents me. I suspect a lot of people feel like that.

And that's all I have to say about that.

TV

I don't watch much TV, but I started a show on ABC called Alaska Daily that I want to recommend. It stars Hillary Swank and is about a newsroom in Anchorage. Very realistic and good acting. There are only six episodes available so far, but the show returns February 23. You can watch it on the ABC app.

Whose Line Is It Anyway? taped its last show last week. Since my husband and I are probably the only people left who watch the show, this is not unforeseen, but we enjoyed the interplay between the comedians. Also, it was on the CW, and I understand that channel is undergoing a revamp. The only other show I watched on that channel was Stargirl, and it's been cancelled. It had a good ending, though.

We've been watching the new version of Night Court with Melissa Rauch, but I can't decide if I like it or not. La Brae also returned on Tuesday nights. I like this show but have a feeling it's veering off into a direction that I may not like. 

On Thursdays, my husband watches Swamp People and tapes BattleBots. I read during Swamp People; once you've seen a few alligators killed, I don't need to see anymore. I like BattleBots because no one is getting hurt, you're just seeing robots fly to pieces. Too bad real-world problems can't be solved like that.

Life in General

We have re-rented the little house my mother left me, and I have high hopes for my new tenant. My husband on Saturday, on his way over there to finish some projects - every time someone leaves the house, we must spend money and time trying to fix things, replacing light bulbs, unstopping sinks, etc. - and swerved to miss a deer. He took out the mirror on his truck.

My leg is still swollen and tender, but it is no longer throbbing and purple, so it is getting better. I am unclear as to what I have - varicose veins, I think - or how to deal with it, other than stay off of my leg for a long while until things settle down. It is not my back, it's not a Charlie Horse, it's something in my veins. The fact that I am fat doesn't help, even if I did lose 15 pounds back in 2020. I need to lose a lot more.

The bird feeder is a great source of fun. We have lots of cardinals, blue jays, chickadees, etc. there, especially in the mornings. I like watching the birds. I haven't been taking pictures of them because it has been wet and damp, and like the Wicked Witch of the West, I melt in the rain.

I also still haven't found the green comet. The moon has been full, so there's a lot of light, and it may be that even though this is a rural area, there's simply too much light pollution around me now to see it. Or I just can't find it. I found Mars. I found Polaris. I found all the markers I was supposed to find, but no green comet.

The weather has warmed, and the rain has stopped. I may have to go sit outside a spell. I suspect an early spring.

Book Review: Complete Confidence

Complete Confidence
By Sheenah Hankin

Copyright 2009

Kindle Edition

Approximately 250 pages

I'm fairly sure this was a free book. I found it in my Kindle library, at any rate, and I don't generally buy books for Kindle. The thing is full of books, but they are all the free kind. I read them at the doctors' offices.

At any rate, I am always looking to improve myself, so I pulled this up on my cellphone to read one day while I was out, seeing as how I'd finished The Lord of the Rings.

It's a right winger's self-help book. I could tell that almost immediately, because anyone who needed therapy this author pinned as a "loser" even though she never actually said that. It came through loud and clear in her writing - if you're reading this book, then you're a loser. You also need to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, and mental illness isn't a real thing, and only something like 10 people in a million really suffer from depression, and nobody ever needs to take an antidepressant.

Then she confirmed my suspicions by talking about being a guest on Fox News.

Her premise in the book isn't that self-esteem is the problem people have, it's lack of confidence. She doesn't address why people may have lack of confidence (or low self-esteem), really, except to occasionally allude to poor parenting. She also offers little help to anyone who really had a crappy childhood, you know, those who were physically and sexually abused, which is at least half the population if not more. 

There is also nothing here for anyone who suffers from chronic pain. Basically, she writes as if such things don't exist (which, I have discovered, is the thinking of many folks who lean right in their politics) and anyway, if you're struggling, it's your own fault.

This is a bit off-putting, but I read the entire book, nevertheless, to see what someone like this actually might offer.

The takeaways, other than the fact that I'm already a loser and have nowhere to go but up, were these:

Don't complain.

Don't whine.

Don't procrastinate.

Create a motto or a sentence that you can use to "calm yourself" if you're upset and acting "emotionally immature," which, according to this author, I am emotionally immature in multiple factors of 10 zillion times infinity.

It's basically Cognitive Behavorial Therapy without a pinch of reality. Because the reality is, lots of folks suffer all the things she considers to be "emotionally immature" behavior (think Ted Cruz yelling, "Don't you know who I am?" at the airport, or any of the Republican questions to the most recent Supreme Court candidate would likely qualify as emotionally immature examples) for a myriad of reasons.

She does not suffer these emotionally weak people (they are fools) and I honestly worried about the folks she might be seeing in actual practice, even though she proclaims time and again that she was once a loser too (but she got better).

I can't find much about this author online, which in itself is suspicious. She seems to have cleaned her Internet presence and I don't know why. If she really was a guest on Fox, shouldn't there be some bragging rights there? There are two reviews on health websites, both giving her 1 star. I found her on Facebook but she's not posted anything public since 2020, and then she was whining (ha, she said don't whine and she does!) about Covid and quarantines.

The four takeaways mentioned above I will keep in my brain, losing the rest of this overbearing book in the process. I think not whining, complaining, and procrastinating are good notions, even though she didn't really give any method of overcoming the latter (I'm a terrible procrastinator, but then, I'm also emotionally immature to the nth degree, according to this author, so there's that). I like the idea of calming yourself, if you can realize it in the moment and shut up and settle down. 

So far the only thing I've come up with as a motto for this is "Be Still" with the image of a pond in my head, but then the Eagles song, Learn to Be Still, started popping into my head and it says "you never will learn to be still" so I'm thinking this won't work as a motto.

I prefer not to use the words "Calm down" because that is what men frequently tell women, and my husband has been told numerous times not to say that to me, so I need something else.

So, motto suggestions welcome. 

But don't read the book.

Nonfiction: Stories To Tell

Stories To Tell

By Richard Marx

Copyright 2021

Audio Version

(320 pages print version)

I listened to Richard Marx read his memoir last week. I haven't been reviewing books for a while, but I am going for more nonfiction this year so I hope to write those up. We'll see how it goes.

Anyway, Marx read the book with nice inflection, and sometimes he even sang when he was talking about his song writing work.

For those who don't know, Richard Marx has sold more than 30 million albums. "He is the only male artist whose first seven singles reached the Top 5 on the Billboard charts, and he has written on a number one single in each of the last four decades—an accolade previously only reached by Michael Jackson. He won a 2004 Song of the Year Grammy and has scored fourteen number-one singles, both as a performer and as a songwriter/producer. He is also a committed philanthropist, supporting charitable causes such as the American Cancer Society and the Ronald McDonald House Charities, Mercy For Animals, ASPCA, Humane Society, St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, and the charity closest to his heart, the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. He lives in Malibu, California, with his wife, Daisy Fuentes."

That paragraph comes from Amazon. Marx did not mention his philanthropy efforts, or if he did it went right by me, so that part actually comes as a surprise. Considering I just finished his memoir, I don't think it should have.

At any rate, if you're into name dropping, this is the book for you. Marx mentions ever star he ever met and worked with, from Elton John to Barbra Streisand to Whitney Houston, etc. He wrote a lot of songs and he has a strong work ethic.

He also came from a home of great privilege, and this seems to have eluded him for the most part. He seems to think everyone grew up with a grand piano in the basement and went to a private school. His father was an advertising business jingle writer as well as a renown jazz pianist in Chicago. He had advantages that most of us only dream of. I doubt he ever wanted for a thing in his life. He writes about love and loss because that's universal.

Marx is the same age as I am. He's had both hips replaced (he said that was from jumping from piano during concerts). He also has been experiencing some kind of fever thing that is not Covid but sounds like something that he picked up in South America (which was where he said he'd last been before he became ill). He said he'd been tested for everything, but I wondered if it was a parasite.

The book could have used a better editor. It was published by Simon & Schuster and I would have thought they'd have had someone tell Marx that he repeated himself in various places and used certain phrases ("to this day") too much. As an editor and writer myself, I found those types of things aggravating. I'm surprised he didn't hear it himself as he read his memoir out loud.

Marx hit it big during a period when I wasn't really paying attention to new music. I was too busy having multiple surgeries and trying to finish college and work a part-time job all at the same time to give music much thought from about 1987 to 1993. So that's on me.

If anyone had asked me who Richard Marx was before I read this memoir, I'd have said he was a singer in the late 1980s. I couldn't have named one song.

I can now name one song: Hazard. I remember hearing that one on the radio and liking it. As for the others, they went in and out of my head quickly. Good pop songs, but not memorable. Should've Known Better might be his top song. I went to look for a list of his song and that was the only one I recognized. So, I am afraid my answer to the question of who Richard Marx is would be about the same.

Trashing Richard Marx is not the point of this post. Obviously, he's a multimillionaire with talent and I'm just a tiny little blogger living in the backwoods of Appalachia. It was interesting to listen to his writing process - he hears the music first and then the words - and he seemed puzzled by those who did in other ways (words first, for example). 

I have written songs usually by doing words and music in tandem.

However, I do feel like Marx missed a growth opportunity with his memoir. I'd have liked a little more soul searching and a little less name dropping.

Oh, and maybe a little acknowledgement that women are more than simply pretty legs or 2-D walking automatons that get his motor running.

How to Change

How to Change: The Science of Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be

Katy Milkman

Copyright 2021

Audiobook (6 hours)

I recommend this book because it was interesting, but if you're looking for techniques for changing a behavior, you'll get ideas here, but not much in the way of actual implementation. Maybe it needs a workbook to go with it.

The book was very well presented and interesting to listen to. The author read it herself.

The book consisted of 8 chapters: Getting Started; Impulsivity; Procrastination; Forgetfulness; Laziness; Confidence; Conformity; and a Conclusion.

I liked the "Chapter Takeaways" at the end of each chapter that summarizing key ideas.

Here are the things I took from this book:

1) Try a "fresh start." This is sort of like New Year's Resolutions, but you can do it on any Monday. Or your birthday.

2) Make your work fun.

3) Restrict choices so you don't procrastinate. Use a self-imposed deadline or a cash commitment app. (If you have trouble with self-imposed deadlines, which I do, I don't know what you're supposed to do here.)

4) Mentor someone else in the thing you're trying to do.

5) Use cues to keep from forgetting. Like, every time I put my toothbrush in its holder, I floss immediately afterwards.

6) Put "emergency breaks" into routines so that if you mess up, say you don't exercise one day, you can consider that your emergency and get back to your routine the next day. Sometimes when we mess up once it quickly slides into a cycle of not-doing.

I knew all of this. You know it too. It was nice to have it spelled out, I guess.

One thing I did not like about the book: the author labeled people as "naives" and "sophisticates." The first are the people who don't use these techniques, or try and fail at them, and the second are the ones who are successful in changing habits and being perfect people.

In a world where we are already so divided, this further division seemed unnecessary and indeed it felt beneath the book.

As one of the "naives" I suppose - or else why read the book - it felt belittling. Most people do not lead charmed lives, and yet the multitudes of life events that may contribute to procrastination issues, for example, are dismissed or not mentioned. 

It was as if the bad world doesn't exist. No mentions of the hill climbing people in certain social classes must do simply to survive. This book was written for people who are already winners or nearly there.

PTSD? Depression? Chronic pain suffer? Some issue other than laziness? Sorry, figure out how to manage it and move on with better multi-tasking. 

The book offered good advice, but perhaps it was missing a bit in empathy. Maybe it needed another chapter to better address the poor naives who cannot climb over the mountains in their way to reach the betterment on the other side. 

The labeling really stood out and it bothered me. I've tried to put it out of my mind for several days and cannot. And so I decided to write about it, for perhaps in listening (and not reading), I missed something that makes this labeling necessary.

But then again, I can't think of any reason to create such labels, other than to point out that some people got it, and the rest of us do not.

A Bird Book

The greatest brother ever, Loren, surprised me with a 7-pound book on birds last week. I've taken up birdwatching and apparently he decided to get me a better birding book before I did. I have a small field guide here but it doesn't have many birds in it.

This book is loaded with birds.

Many thanks to my beloved brother!

Sunday Stealing #345

Sunday Stealing

Pick a book

Guide to Fiction Writing, by Phyllis A. Whitney. This book was written in 1982.

1.  Why did you pick the book?

A. I read it many years ago and refer to it occasionally when I (ahem) consider my (non) career as a fiction writer. I was looking through it just yesterday.

2.  What did you think about the book?

A. I loved this book. It is no longer in print, but it is a great how-to guide for creating setting, character, and plot.

3.  What do you know about the author?

A. Phyllis A. Whitney lived from 1903 to 1908. She died at the age of 104. She wrote 76 books in her lifetime. I read many Phyllis A. Whitney books when I was young, beginning from about the age of 9 or 10. She wrote gothic romances, for the most part. Part mystery, part love story, part ghost story. Thunder Heights, written in 1960, was the first book of hers I read (probably one my mother had). Her work had quite an influence on me until it was scribbled out of my head by my university professors, who honestly had no idea who she was because they were aiming for "literary" writing. I would be quite happy writing like Phyllis Whitney or Janet Evanovich, I think. Maybe I'll get off my butt one day.

4.  What’s the most memorable scene?

A. Since this is a "how to" book, there really isn't a memorable scene. Her instructions on how to put together a "book notebook" are enlightening, though. They never taught that at college.

5.  How did the book make you feel?

A. It made me feel like I could write a book, too. At least, it did the first time I read it.

6.  How do you feel about the way the story was told?

A. It was laid out well for a how-to book.

7.  Which parts of the book stood out to you?

A. The parts about making a "book notebook."

8.  Which specific parts of the protagonist can you relate to?

A. No protagonist, really, except the "you" who would one day be a writer, too (or not).

9.  Which character did you relate to the most?

A. Not really applicable.

10. Share a line or passage from the book.

A. This is my favorite line from the book, because it is so true. It is a truism I've not seen in any other writing book, especially those written by men. "Men writers who are married to non-working wives- that is, wives who stay at home- have a certain advantage. Every writer needs a wife!- someone to stand guard, to cook meals, to deal with the immediate problems of house and children, and keep them out of their husband's hair. It's more difficult for women writers, who have to do all these chores plus their writing." 

I made a living writing while being a wife, holding down part-time jobs, and going to school. Talk about a juggling act. I honestly have never seen this addressed like this in any other writing book, and I've read scads of them.

11. What did you think about the ending?

A. It ends like this: "This is a book about writing. I hope it's a book that you will mark up and use . . I hope as well that you've found in it some of the encouragement we all  need to keep us going. I have been where you are, and you will be where I (published) - if you never give up. Whatever sort of writing you do, don't let anyone put you down."

For a how-to book, it ends as it should - with optimism and encouragement.

12. Is the story plot driven or character driven?

A. That doesn't really apply to this book.

13. If the book was made into a movie, what changes or decisions would you hope for?

A. Again, it doesn't really apply, but I suspect this author's life might make a good story. http://phyllisawhitney.com/About%20Phyllis%20A.%20Whitney.htm

14. How did the book change you?

A. It made me rethink how I went about putting together a story, even nonfiction.

15. If the book is part of a series, how does it stand on its own?

A. It is not part of a series and it stands on it own.

I probably did not pick the best book for these questions, but I am in the midst of trying to reconnect with a part of myself I've lost.

This was a piece of the search.

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I encourage you to visit other participants in Sunday Stealing posts and leave a comment. Cheers to all us thieves who love memes, however we come by them.

Thursday Thirteen

Here are 13 books about writing. There are countless books on writing. These are some I have read.

1. Big Magic, by Elizabeth Gilbert

2. Writing the Natural Way, by Gabriel Rico

3. The Writing Diet, by Julia Cameron

4. Writing Down the Bones, by Natalie Goldberg

5. Steering the Craft, by Ursula Le Guinn

6. On Writing Well, by William Zinsser

7. The Elements of Style, by Strunk & White

8. On Becoming a Novelist, by John Gardner

9. Bird by Bird, by Anne Lamott

10. If You Want to Write, by Brenda Ueland

11. The Widening Stream: The Seven Stages of Creativity, by David Ulrich

12. Writing Fiction: A Guide to Narrative Craft, by Janet Burroway

13. The Writer's Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers, by Christopher Vogler

My favorites of these would be If You Want to Write, The Writing Diet, and Steering the Craft. But there are as many books out there telling a person how to write as there are ways to actually write a sentence.

There is no one right way to write. The only truism is that if you don't write, then you aren't writing. You can still be a writer and not write. You can live creatively and not write. But if you don't write, you aren't writing.

That's it. That's the most important thing.

Any books inspire you? Feel free to list them, I'm always looking for more to read.

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Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here if you want to read other Thursday Thirteens and/or play along. I've been playing for a while and this is my 666th time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday. Or so sayth the Blogger counter, anyway.

Thursday Thirteen

Bookish Questions and Deep Thoughts


1. In the novel Frankenstein, by Mary Shelly, who is really the monster? The man who created life from dead body parts, or the thing created?

2. In the Ann of Green Gable series, by L. M. Montgomery, Ann Shirley is a curious child. Her curiosity causes her lots of trouble. Is curiosity a good thing?

3. In the Lord of the Rings, Frodo makes a decision to leave his home in order to protect it from great evil. He gives up everything to ensure that goodness survives. Would you leave your home to protect someone else? What would you give up to ensure the safety and security of humanity?

4. In the Harry Potter series, Hermione is a bookish character who actually knows the spells that Harry does not and often needs. However, her contribution is downplayed although her loyalty to Harry and protecting others is not. Is knowledge less than loyalty?

5. In the Stephanie Plum series of books, Stephanie is frequently kidnapped, shot, knocked unconscious, or otherwise hurt. She rebounds very quickly and doesn't suffer from PTSD. Do you think there are people who would not be bothered by such trials? Or is this portrayal of a resilient character unrealistic?

6. In the Stone Barrington series of books by Stuart Woods, the main character always gets his man in the mystery. He also always gets the woman - a different woman in nearly every book. The women are generally stereotypical characters and not rounded out. Do you think this is the way men see women, or is this a writer's shortcut?

7. In the Alphabet mysteries by Sue Grafton, Kinsey Milhone, her lead character, is a tough woman detective who doesn't delve into fashion, bake cakes, do needlework, or do other "womanly" things. Do you think it is necessary for a women to lose her "womanly" notions in order to function in a man's world?

8. In the book Eat, Pray, Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert, the author takes herself completely away from her world in order to restore order to her soul. Have you ever taken a journey to find yourself? Do you think such a quest is necessary in order to grow as a person?

9. In her memoir, In Pieces, Sally Fields reveals that she was molested by her stepfather and that she has mental health problems stemming from an abusive childhood. Yet she went on to become a famous actress. Do you think that Fields' and her success is the norm for people who experience childhood trauma? Or is she an aberration?

10. In A Wrinkle in Time, by Madeline L'Engle, three children leave home to save an adult. Do you think children are capable of doing such actions in this day and age? Or is this pure fantasy?

11. In Alice in Wonderland, Alice finds a strange new world that does not resemble anything she knows as reality. In modern physics, the many worlds theory advocates that each decision we make creates a different universe, so that there are in fact thousands upon thousands of universes in existence. Do you believe there could be different universes? Could the rabbit hole simply be a writer's device that creates a portal into another universe? Or is Alice only dreaming?

12. In Where the Crawdads Sing, by Delia Owens, the main character is a young girl of about 7 who raises herself alone in the marsh. Is this believable? Do you think a child that young could survive all alone without assistance? The same instance occurs in Island of the Blue Dolphins, but that book is set in the 1800s and the heroine is a little older. Which book seems more believable?

13. In The Hunger Games series by Susan Collins, Katniss must kill or be killed. Do you think her befriending others as a strategy to stay alive is feasible? Is this similar to the show Survivor, where people "make friends" and then stab one another in the back? What does this say about humanity, that we can be friendly to someone and then turn around and shoot them? Are we, really, human?


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Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here if you want to read other Thursday Thirteens and/or play along. I've been playing for a while and this is my 628th time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday. Or so sayth the Blogger counter, anyway.