My Embarrassment

I am embarrassed to tell anyone this, but . . . I curse.

Like a sailor on a sinking boat.

My grandmother washed my mouth out with soap a few times when I was younger, and my father nearly knocked me to the ground once when I was a teenager and I said, "Fuck" in front of him, but I curse a lot.

I try to keep it in check when I'm in public or dealing with someone I don't know well, but let me have a deep conversation with a close friend, or my husband (who also curses), and there is no stopping the bad words.

My mother cursed, too, as does my father and my brother, so I come by this honestly. When one is raised hearing such words all the time, one becomes immune to any impropriety therein.

Besides, it doesn't hurt anything. Some people are offended by certain words, but the "F" word is the one I use the most. After coming across that particular word in court cases in my local county whilst doing research, I realized that once upon time, this word was not a bad word. The word dates back to 1310, where it has been found in English court manuscripts. And I can attest that in the late 1700s and early 1800s, it was used in court cases for divorce proceedings. "Flying fuck" originally meant having sex on horseback and was first used around 1800. (I found that interesting when I was looking this up.) The word was outlawed in print in England in 1875, so I guess it was a usable word up until about that time. We became more prim in our language, I suppose. It became a cuss word in its own right in the 1940s. 

The last time I really cursed was on January 6 as I watched the seditionists attempting their coup at the U.S. Capitol. Then I cursed mightily, loudly, and for a long time.

February Journal Prompts. Join up at Kwizgiver's. 

The Daily Mundane

The first thing when I get up in the morning, after taking care of necessary toiletries, is turn on my computer.

If I stay off of Facebook and Twitter, and simply read the New York Times or play my city-building video game, then this is not bad time. If I go to Facebook or Twitter, my mood can quickly turn sour, particularly if I read comments. People really are stupid and I'm afraid it's catching. I'm also afraid it will be the ruin of the country.

So if I stay away from the stupid, I have a better morning. Better to move straight to the video game and deal with strategy than to try to read commentary.

The last thing I do every day is go to bed and play Jeopardy! while my husband massages my stomach where I have the perpetual knot of pain in my abdomen. We average 7 out of 12 questions correct, which I think is a horrible record, but given that it's bedtime and my brain is trying to shut down and not think, perhaps it is not so bad.

It is nice that my husband will rub my poor tummy every night to try to help me stretch out the scar tissue that has infiltrated my abdominal cavity. And ending the day trying to remember facts is a good brain workout.

I do wish they'd change the host from Alex Trebeck, though, because he has passed away and I don't like hearing him announce the play anymore.

February Journal Prompts. Join up at Kwizgiver's. 

More Prompts

13. What is something you loved doing when you were younger, but don't do anymore? Why did you stop doing it?

I used to love riding my bicycle, especially in the summer when we stayed with my grandmother in Salem. We'd whizz around the block, constantly making a loop. There was a funky little forest service station at the end of the block, and they'd planted pine trees there. We turned that into a road course, racing our bicycles around the trees and along the paths that we'd swept up so the pine needles wouldn't wreck us.

We weren't supposed to ride our bicycles across Apperson Drive, nor we were supposed to ride them beyond the "haunted" house down the lane. As we grew older, though, we were allowed to ride them all the way into the City of Salem, where we could stop in at Newberry's for a toy, go to Brooks-Byrd Pharmacy for a snow-cone, and window shop at Ridenhour Music Store. My older uncle had to be along with us, though, for those rides, and since he was four years older than the rest of us, they didn't happen very often. At that age, four years is a lifetime.

I stopped riding bicycles because I learned to drive and received my driver's license. When you live in a rural area, bicycles are limiting. Cars give you a pass all the way to hell and back.

14. How do you show others love? What do others do that make you feel loved?

I learned a lot when I read the book, The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. The 5 ways to show love, according to him, are physical contact, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and receiving gifts. I show love to others in all of these ways, but mostly through time, offering words of affirmation, and giving gifts. It really hurts me when people don't want to receive gifts from me, but I generally honor their request. My husband is big on physical contact and acts of service.

15. What is something other people think is fun that you would never do? Why not? What would happen if you did it?

I don't find parties fun, in general. Some parties are ok if alcohol is not involved, but there is little worse than being sober while everyone else is drunk and thinking they are hilarious when they're just idiots. Generally, I wouldn't have a good time and someone would call me a stick in the mud or some such, which is a good reason not to go to parties.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing

1. What is the meaning of Valentine’s Day in your country/area? What happens on this day?

A. It's a Hallmark day, another holiday taken over by capitalism to force you to feel guilty if you don't spend money on the ones you love.

2. Is Valentine’s Day more for men or women? Explain your answer.

A. It is probably more for women, who tend to be insecure anyway because of being stuck in a patriarchal society that devalues women as human beings. A piece of chocolate and a flower once a year is supposed to make up for the fact that some people consider you not human.

3. Do you have any special plans for Valentine’s Day? What will you do?

A. I suspect we will be iced or snowed in and we will watch the Daytona 500. No special plans.

4. Which traditional gift would you rather receive: chocolates, flowers, or a card with a personal message?

A. I'd just as soon not have any of those.

5. Is Valentine’s Day only about romantic love? Or is it a good occasion to celebrate friendship as well?

A. I send Valentine's cards to friends sometimes.

6. Do you like romantic movies? What is your favorite romantic movie?

A. Forrest Gump. It is, really, a movie about a romance, that of Forrest and his Jenny. Great songs, too.

7. Have you ever received a Valentine’s Day card or gift from a secret admirer? How did it make you feel?

A. I have not ever received such a card, unless it was in kindergarten or some time like that, and I do not remember.

8. Is Valentine’s Day the most romantic day of the year? If not, what day is?

A. Any day is romantic if you make it so.

9. What is the most romantic thing you have done for another person?

A. I didn't argue when my husband wanted to buy a new tractor.

10. Valentine’s Day is promoted by companies whose only interest is making money. Discuss whether you agree or disagree.

A. I agree with this statement. All holidays in the U.S. are now nothing but money-making capitalistic dirt holes, aimed solely to part fools and their hard-earned cash.

11. Describe your perfect Valentine’s Day date.

A. He would sweep me off my feet and take me to the Library of Congress, where he would leave me there to ogle the books while he went to the zoo or something.

12. How should a single person spend Valentine’s Day? What do you suggest?

A. Spend it like you do any other day. The guilt or shame or whatever bad feelings are put there by society and are undeserved.

13. Do you enjoy playing cupid? Do you try to introduce people in the hope they will make a love match?

A. I do not do this.

14. Some restaurants charge higher prices on Valentine’s Day. Are you willing to pay more to dine out on this day?

A. No.

15. Is a romantic gesture more powerful on Valentine’s Day or on another day of the year?

A. No.

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I encourage you to visit other participants in Sunday Stealing posts and leave a comment. Cheers to all us thieves who love memes, however we come by them.

Saturday 9: My Valentine

Saturday 9: My Valentine (2011)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) Paul McCartney sings that he won't let a day go by without remembering why he loves his valentine. What blessings are you thankful for today?

A. I am thankful for my husband, who braves the snow and ice outside to go feed the cattle and check the mail. I am thankful for my brother, who called me yesterday to see how I was, for my friends who call me, and for the fact that I was able to install Office 2007 on my new computer because I don't want to pay Microsoft $100 a year to use the newest version of Word.

2) Paul directed the video of Natalie Portman translating his song into American Sign Language (ASL), which is the third most commonly-used language in both the United States and Canada. British Sign Language (BSL), commonly used in EU countries, is very different. Do you find it easy to learn new languages?

A. I did when I was younger. Now that I am older and my brain is not so stretchy, I am not sure I would find it easy. (A very long time ago I could speak Spanish and Latin. Now I can't do either.)

3) The song is on Paul's Kisses on the Bottom CD, for which he won one of his 18 Grammy Awards. What compliment or accolade have you recently received?

A. A couple of folks liked my protest song I posted a while back.

4) Paul is an honorary NYPD detective. He was given this designation for performing a charity concert after 9/11. Do you know anyone in law enforcement?

A. Yes. My father was a policeman before he went into sales, and my brother-in-law is retired from the Virginia State Police.

5) Bob Dylan has said of Paul, "I'm in awe of McCartney. He's about the only one I'm in awe of. He can do it all. He never lets up. He's just so effortless." Tell us about someone whose talent you admire.

A. The husband of a close friend is a master woodworker. He makes beautiful pieces out of wood, most of which are out of my price range. I have a couple of bowls he made from wood that came from our property. You can read more about him at this blog post, which also has photos of his work.

This is the last Saturday  9 before Valentine's Day and so this morning we shall focus on the upcoming holiday.

6) The holiday is also known as The Feast of St. Valentine. Do you have a special meal planned for February 14?

A. No. We have ice on the ground, I have not been shopping, and it's the day the Daytona 500 runs. He will only be interested in the race and I can hardly eat anything, anyway.

7) The phrase "wear your heart on your sleeve" began in medieval times. On Valentine's Day, men would celebrate the holiday by displaying their lady love's name on their sleeves. If you were going to adopt this custom, whose name would you wear?

A. My husband's.

8) Women buy and send more Valentines than men do. Who received the last greeting card you sent?

A. My friend B.

9) Men buy and send more roses at Valentine's Day than women do. What's your favorite flower?

A. Iris. I like roses but I have always thought the iris was a beautiful flower. Unfortunately they don't last very long when they bloom.

______________

I encourage you to visit other participants in Saturday 9 posts and leave a comment. Because there are no rules, it is your choice. Saturday 9 players hate rules. We love memes, however.

Envious? Moi?

Q. Who makes you feel envious? What do they have/what are they doing that makes you feel that way? What do you think that means?

This feels like a loaded question, but I will take a stab at it. I am envious of Melissa Etheridge because she can play the guitar like it's a part of her. Watching her hands slide up and down the neck, her fingers easily finding the frets and the notes, without even looking - ah. It's beautiful to watch someone caress a guitar like that. 

It takes hours and hours of practice to know how to do that, time I did not devote to my instrument, so my envy is because I know deep down that the reason I can't play like that is because some part of me doesn't want to. But my goodness, she is a joy to watch when she performs.

I am also envious of Janet Evanovich. She writes the Stephanie Plum books. I saw a show on her, and she said she works 60 hours a week. She published and became famous because she works hard at it. I worked hard at my writing, but it was news reporting, and that does not make one rich or famous, especially when one writes for local publications and doesn't seek out better opportunities. I settled for the small potatoes and did not go looking for the meat.

Now that I have time, I am not working on long form writing. I still write articles occasionally and I write in my blog. But I can't bring myself to commit to something long.

If I examine both of these, I think it means that I want to be good at things without putting in the hard work first. I want to be a great guitar player without the practice, and I want to be writing best-selling novels without having written non-selling crap first.

Of course, the hard work must come first. I put in hard work on other things I want, so I can only assume that while I am envious of these two, the things they do are not really things I wish to accomplish, for whatever reason.

February Journal Prompts. Join up at Kwizgiver's. 

Thursday Thirteen: Just Say Yes

So today, what do I say yes to?

1. warmer weather, which is not here yet, but will soon be upon us.
2. efforts to combat climate change, regardless of how climate change is occurring, because we all need better air, clean water, and a lovely planet full of nature to live on and in and to enjoy.
3. a new computer, which arrived today, and which has been surprisingly easy to set up.
4. having wonderful friends who are anxious for me to get the Covid-19 vaccine.
5. calling my father with whatever information I can find so HE can get the vaccine.
6. more guitar playing and less computer gaming.
7. reading more books.
8. writing something or another.
9. loving my husband, my family, my friends.
10. enjoying my blog as a kind of life story in progress.
11. watching the birds at the feeder.
12. seeing deer in the glen
13. phone calls from my brother (and extras - )
14. wild turkeys in the front yard
15. holding hands with my husband

February Journal Prompts. Join up at Kwizgiver's. 

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Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here if you want to read other Thursday Thirteens and/or play along. I've been playing for a while and this is my 694th time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday. Or so sayth the Blogger counter, anyway.

Most Worried About?

One of my most recent worries, aside from the usual Covid-19 concerns, financial thoughts, and life goals, has been my health.

Since Thanksgiving, I have had stomach problems. I have lost 18 pounds without trying. I've no appetite, and have terrible reflux with most foods. About the only thing I can eat without much problem are eggs, ham sandwiches (no cheese), chicken, rice, peas, and Baked Lays potato chips.

Everything else causes me much aggravation. Not only that, this issue involves a weird mouth reaction - burning tongue, a sensation in my entire mouth at times that feels like I am chewing on molten glass, and a citric acid taste.

According to the GI doctor I saw last week, this is the result of reflux. He changed the timing of my medicine (a PPI), and sent me on my way with instructions to give it three weeks.

It has been one week and I've not seen improvement.

The weight loss is not a complaint, although my nutritional needs are a concern. My primary care doctor several weeks ago wondered if I would soon notice malnutrition issues due to not eating much, or only eating the same things.

To combat that, I drink a Boost every now and then, and I take vitamins.

Other things I have to deal with: bad TMJ (my jaw literally locks in place and can stay that way for most of the day, and it hurts like hell), high blood pressure, obesity, a bad heel, asthma, constant sinus issues, poor eyesight, chronic pain in my lower abdomen for multiple surgeries, a bad back, and general aches and pain due to aging. Add to this the fact that I cannot take pain medication because of my history of multiple ulcers, and well, you have a recipe for me. Or some of me, anyway.

I try not to write too much about my health on here, but this is the prompt for February 11, and I switched the one for today with tomorrow's, so I could use today's for Thursday 13.

February Journal Prompts. Join up at Kwizgiver's.

Just Say No

The prompt for today is to make a list of things you would like to say no to.

I would like to say no to free market capitalism. I think it is bad. It allows the strong to prey upon the weak, and it has demolished the middle class. We need regulations and oversight to protect one another from those who would be predators. They just found lead in baby food, for heavens sake. We have a whole generation of kids with lead in their heads. What will they be like in 20 years? Things need to be checked, regulated, and watched to ensure half the population doesn't die from e-coli in lettuce or that children aren't smashed in cribs, or that cars just die on the highway, causing horrific crashes. That is what regulations should do. Protect people. That includes regulating costs. For example, we pay more for our prescriptions than any other country in the world. Why is this allowed? Free market bullsh*t, that's why.

I would like to say no to the word "should." As in, I should get up off my butt and do this or that. I should have been, or should be, doing this or that, or be this or that. I should be better, smarter, stronger, healthier, happier, prettier, etc. etc. No, I shouldn't. I yam who I yam.

Say no to worrying. I worry over everything. Money, health, friends, family, this or that. I can worry over whether or not an asteroid is going to hit the planet. No to worries!

Let's also say no to organized religion. I know that will offend pert near everyone, but religion makes the whack-a-doodles even more whacky. It also perpetuates the patriarchy by putting men above women, and helps to create this sense of "other" that has festered and become a big pile of pus in the landscape of America. If people need to believe in something greater than themselves, that's their right, but they don't have the right to foist it upon me or anyone else. If everyone would keep this stuff to themselves and mind their own business, things would be better. I worship how I want, and I don't particularly care what people think. Nobody actually knows my "religion" because I've never spelled it out. At least, not that I can remember.

Additionally, let's say no to fascism, authoritarianism, totalitarianism, oligarchies, kleptocracies, and monarchies. (Say yes to looking those words up, even if one thinks one knows what they mean.)

Let's say no to the Electoral College.

Let's say no to children going hungry - to anybody going hungry - and to a minimum wage that's out of step with the times, to a world without a social safety net, and to plain ol' meanness.

Trying, Energized, and Tired

Two things I have always wanted to try are not at all related.

One is a climb to McAfee's Knob. It's on the Appalachian Trail and not far from me. It is, however, a six mile trek. I do well to make it around the grocery store. So unless I become more physically active, I don't see this happening.

The other is to have an office not in my house, a place of my very own. I took over one of the rooms that was to have been a bedroom when we had children, but since we were denied that opportunity, the rooms turned into other uses.

The small room had always been my office, because I freelanced even when I was working. I was also in school and needed a place to study.

In 1994, when I was having migraines for three days every two weeks and could not feasibly be employed, I started freelancing full time. The larger bedroom became my office. It has been my office now for 25 years. While it is easy to throw in a load of laundry, it is also a distraction.

This is particularly true now that my husband has retired and is home more. The fact that he is in the house makes me anxious after spending so much time alone here.

So I have always wanted an office of my own. A place to go and work. Logically and monetarily, it doesn't make sense, though.

****

I feel most energized when I am writing on an article. This is particularly true if I know I'm breaking a story - the first to get the news out there. Tracking down leads, doing quick interviews, putting it all together, double-checking facts - it's a breathtaking undertaking. I did it well when I was doing it and I still enjoy the little I am doing. I'm not sure why I can't find this same enthusiasm for my own projects.

****

I feel most tired when I am at odds with myself. This is not the happy tired of having worked in the garden, or the happy tired of having cleaned something. This is the despair kind of tired that makes one wonder why one exists in the first place. That's a very tiring question to which there seems to be no answer.

These are the February Journal Prompts. Join up at Kwizgiver's.

 

Blue Screen of Death

Saturday evening, my computer went berserk.

The screen turned sideways. It wouldn't go back to normal.

Then I tried to shut it down and reboot, to see if that would fix it, and the thing wouldn't boot back up.

Finally, it booted up, but then it started into an error message loop.

The blue screen of death appeared.

Stop: Critical Process Died.

That's what it said. I had no idea what that meant. I pulled out the laptop and looked it up. Apparently this was an error that could be fixed if one knew what to look for. Maybe. While it was a known issue with Windows 10 early on, apparently it wasn't supposed to be one now.

The computer was a Dell 3847, and I'd bought it in 2015. At the time it had Windows 8 on it and I upgraded to Windows 10 when it came out.

I hated Windows 10 at first, as it was not stable, but with time it has seemed more reliable.

No matter what I tried, I could not bring my computer back from the blue screen of death and into Windows 10. Finally, I hit the Dell Repair that was supposed to save all of my documents, etc.

It brought the computer back to factory default. Windows 8.

And it lost all of my data, although I have it backed up to an external hard drive.

So while I can use this now, it's Windows 8, which I never liked.

Instead of spending $140 to get Windows 10, I have purchased a new Dell tower. It will arrive via UPS one of these days.

I couldn't see spending that much money on a six-year old computer just to get back to Windows 10.

O Blue Screen of Death, I know not why thou visited me.

But thou hast cost me money.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing

1. Can you eat with chopsticks?

A. I don't know that I have ever tried.

2. Could you tell real money from counterfeit?

A. I can tell Monopoly money from real money.

3. What do you think about school uniforms?

A. I don't think about them. I am not in school.

4. What ancient civilization would you most like to visit?

A. Mesopotamia.

5. What would make a great new Crayola color?

A. Purple cow.

6. If an art project is created with the intent of getting rich and famous, does that cast doubt over its significance as a work of art?

A. No.

7. What do you get in trouble for the most?

A. Opening my mouth.

8. Do you blow your nose in public?

A. If I must. Generally, I try to find a restroom to do things like that.

9. If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

A. To the very rich people.

10. Is it as easy to make you happy now as it was when you were a child?

A. I have never been a happy person.

11. Who knows more . . . you, or your parents?

A. I'm sure we each know more than the other about one thing or the other.

12. What instrument would you like to be famous for playing?

A. The guitar.

13. Would you have sex with a stranger for one million dollars?

A. No.

14. Are you completely in control of your body?

A. Usually.

15. What is the coolest web site you know of?

A. My own blog, of course.

_______________

I encourage you to visit other participants in Sunday Stealing posts and leave a comment. Cheers to all us thieves who love memes, however we come by them.

Saturday 9: Waiting for Tonight

Saturday 9: Waiting for Tonight (1999)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) In this song, Jennifer Lopez anticipates a night of unbridled passion with the love of her life. What are you waiting for tonight? (No pressure; it doesn't have to be as thrilling as hers.)

A. Rain/sleet/snow and time to read.

2) She sings that she's glad she's beyond those nights that found her tossing and turning alone in her bed. Did you enjoy restful sleep last night?

A. I did.

3) Whatever Jennifer has planned for tonight, it won't include alcohol. She never drinks liquor. What's the last adult beverage you enjoyed?

A. I don't drink adult beverages. I haven't had anything but water since Thanksgiving.

4) Ms. Lopez performed "Waiting for Tonight" during last year's Super Bowl halftime show. Will you be watching The Big Game this weekend?

A. Probably not.

5) Speaking of this weekend, The Weekend will headline the Super Bowl 2021 halftime show. Are you a fan of his?

A. I don't know who that is.

6) Super Bowl Sunday is the #1 day for guacamole consumption in the US. When did you most recently eat something with avocado in it?

A. Years ago.

7) Chicken wings are a popular Super Bowl dish, too. When did you most recently eat chicken? How was it prepared?

A. I eat a lot of chicken because it is one of the few things I can tolerate at the moment. It was a roasted chicken, cooked at the grocery store.

8) This year, fast food chain Chipotle will run their first-ever Super Bowl ad. Do you pay closer attention to commercials during the Super Bowl?

A. I used to, but I don't anymore. Usually they premiere on youtube before the Super Bowl anyway.

9) Random question: Are you more likely to pretend to be more naïve than you really are, or more sophisticated?

A. More naïve. When I was a news reporter, I found people were flattered if they thought they were explaining things to me that I already knew, at least up to a point. With my southern accent, I couldn't fake sophistication even if I wanted to.

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I encourage you to visit other participants in Saturday 9 posts and leave a comment. Because there are no rules, it is your choice. Saturday 9 players hate rules. We love memes, however.

 

That Time of Day

My favorite time of day varies depending on the time of year, and what is going on.

Lately, I have treasured moments after I've just woke. I am still snug in the bed, warm, with my husband beside me. Nothing is hurting because I haven't moved. It feels safe and pleasant.

Other times I appreciate the hour are those when I speak to my friends. I enjoy our talks.

Then there are those days when the sun is slipping in and out amongst the clouds, casting shadows and a certain brilliance of light that simply begs for a photograph. I love staking out a scene and then waiting for the rays to fall in the right place, so that I can catch whatever it is I am seeking. Maybe a spider's web or a shadow that looks intriguing when the light hits a log a certain way.

This is the February 5 prompt.

Join up at Kwizgiver's.

Thursday Thirteen

We are two weeks into a new administration. Here are 13 things that I find relieving and improved:

1. President Joe Biden wears blue socks with dogs on them.

2. I don't have to worry about what rant is being played out on Twitter.

3. The White House press briefings, which I listen to almost every day, are sane, mannerly, pleasant, and full of information.

4. Nobody's relatives are taking over various and sundry offices and projects.

5. There are dogs in the White House! Yay for the First Dogs!

6. Politeness is in, bullying is out. I can't tell you what a relief that is.

7. There is a national pandemic plan!

8. Masks are in, being obnoxious is out.

9. The President reads his daily intelligence briefings.

10. Voice of America has returned to real journalists and is no longer a pro-#45 propaganda machine.

11. Nobody cared how big the crowd was or was not at the inauguration.

12. We've rejoined the Paris climate accord and the World Health Organization.

13. Dr. Anthony Fauci looks like he's had a 10-pound gorilla removed from his shoulders when he - not an ill-informed person - gives Covid briefings.

_____________

Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here if you want to read other Thursday Thirteens and/or play along. I've been playing for a while and this is my 693rd time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday. Or so sayth the Blogger counter, anyway.

February 4 Prompt

If you had a theme song, what would it be?

Unwritten By Natasha Beddingfield

   

I am unwritten 

Can't read my mind, I'm undefined 

I'm just beginning 

The pen's in my hand, ending unplanned 

 Staring at the blank page before you 

Open up the dirty window 

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find 

Reaching for something in the distance 

So close you can almost taste it 

Release your inhibitions 

 Feel the rain on your skin 

No one else can feel it for you 

Only you can let it in 

No one else, no one else 

Can speak the words on your lips 

Drench yourself in words unspoken 

Live your life with arms wide open 

Today is where your book begins 

The rest is still unwritten (uh, yeah) 

I break tradition 

Sometimes my tries, are outside the lines yeah, yeah 

We've been conditioned 

To not make mistakes, but I can't live that way oh, oh 

Staring at the blank page before you 

Open up the dirty window 

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find 

Reaching for something in the distance 

So close you can almost taste it 

Release your inhibitions 

Feel the rain on your skin 

No one else can feel it for you 

Only you can let it in 

No one else, no one else 

Can speak the words on your lips 

Drench yourself in words unspoken 

Live your life with arms wide open 

Today is where your book begins 

Feel the rain on your skin 

No one else can feel it for you 

Only you can let it in 

No one else, no one else 

Can speak the words on your lips 

Drench yourself in words unspoken 

Live your life with arms wide open 

Today is where your book begins 

The rest is still unwritten 

Staring at the blank page before you 

Open up the dirty window 

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find 

Reaching for something in the distance 

So close you can almost taste it 

Release your inhibitions 

Feel the rain on your skin 

No one else can feel it for you 

Only you can let it in 

No one else, no one else 

Can speak the words on your lips 

Drench yourself in words unspoken 

Live your life with arms wide open 

Today is where your book begins 

Feel the rain on your skin 

No one else can feel it for you 

Only you can let it in 

No one else, no one else 

Can speak the words on your lips 

Drench yourself in words unspoken 

Live your life with arms wide open 

Today is where your book begins 

The rest is still unwritten 

The rest is still unwritten 

 The rest is still unwritten 

Oh, yeah, yeah

February Prompts

I am always late on these monthly prompt things. I like to do them - they're good questions. I am borrowing the questions for February from my blogging friend Kwizgiver.

I will play catch up here, since I'm three days into the month.

1. What was the highlight of the last month?

A. Last month was a new year. Yay! I finished up most everything I needed to do for the taxes. Yay! Other than that, it was rather like 2020 - I was home most of the time because of the Covid-19 virus. The vaccines came out, but I have not yet received the shot. It may be some time before I have that opportunity.

2. What are you looking forward to this month?

A. I would like to get my vaccine shot. I hope the weather warms up and the greenish tint that heralds the arrival of spring becomes apparent.

3. What is a common misconception people have about you? What do you wish they knew?

A. I have long suspected many folks think I'm "uppity" when I'm really just introverted and shy. 

Remembering Beth

I learned over the weekend that a friend from high school had passed away - three years ago. I was sad because she had died and I was sad because I hadn't known about it.

We were very close in high school. You know how teenage girls can be - they hang out all over top of one another when they click with somebody. We shared a love of music - she played the piano - and I was a year older than she.

We played together in a Top-40 band, and so we were around one another a great deal. Hours and hours of practice, for one thing, and then the Friday and/or Saturday nights playing bars we weren't old enough to drink in but old enough to play music in.

We also had some interesting adventures together. She was with me when I backed my car into a pole at the market in Blue Ridge, where we'd stopped to by some sodas. Put a nice dent in the car, and I was terribly upset. She laughed it off.

We'd gone out shopping or something one Saturday afternoon, with a gig to play later that night, and on the way home she'd urged me to go the long way - which just happened to take us by a group of Hell's Angel's motorcycle folks who were camped out near Catawba Creek. We wanted to see what it looked like - and had been expressly forbidden by my mother to go that route.

As we drove by the encampment - I don't remember much about what we saw, tents and motorcycles, mostly - I ran over something in the road. I drove as far as I could on a flattening tire and then had to stop. We needed to be home in about an hour to change and go to our music gig. These were the days before cellphones, so we hoofed it up a long driveway and begged to use the phone. I called a friend of my father's and told him where I was, what I needed, and swore him to silence. He came and changed the tire and I limped the car home on the spare. (I learned to change a tire myself after that.) Unfortunately, the damage to the car was more than just a tire - I'd apparently ran over a knife and it ricocheted into the gas tank, cutting a hole in it.

Beth's dad ran an auto shop and he fixed it. I don't know if she ever confessed to our misdeed. I know I didn't, although I think my parents knew. I had called my father's friend, after all.

Our biggest gig was the night we played New Year's Eve at the Hotel Roanoke. This was during the disco era, so we played a lot of disco. Many of the songs I play today are songs I learned from being in the band. We had a repertoire of about 80 songs that we did well. I sang lead on a few of them, to give the lead singer a break occasionally, but mostly I played guitar. Everyone else sang backup and played their instrument.

Beth played an electric piano. She was good at it, and seemed to enjoy the band. I thought we all did.

By that time I was a senior in high school. The band broke up after I graduated (I wasn't the only senior), and I lost touch with Beth and the other band members much more quickly than I would have once thought possible.

I remember one day I passed her car as I was driving from home on some errand. I thought she was coming to see me, and I turned around. But she had not gone to my house. She was dating a guy who lived down the road from me. I had no idea.

Life moved on and while I was aware of where she was and who she was with, we weren't close friends anymore. I spent time with her around 1993 when she taught a self-defense course that I took. She was, as always, in good spirits, a very caring soul who could look at you and tell what you needed without hesitation.

I didn't see her again until I went to her father's funeral visitation in 2011. 

She'd been on my mind recently, so I wrote her aunt to ask for an update.

Her aunt told me she'd passed away. I was stunned. She was younger than I. She was a lively person. She was someone I have fond memories of. She was supposed to be off doing something fun, engaging in a new profession, I thought, since she'd retired already from her first job.

Life does not always turn out as one hopes, dreams, or plans. I have my memories, and that will have to be enough. I have no regrets here - not everyone you meet is meant to be in your life forever and we were never on bad terms with one another - but I would have gone to her funeral if I had known.

Cardinals in the Snow

The bird feeder seems to be particularly attractive to cardinals. They light in the tree in the front yard and take off from there to hit the feeder. They go back and forth. While the male is brighter, I find myself hunting out the females, to be sure they receive their time in the spotlight.

 

It Snowed! Huzzah!

The snow began falling Saturday night and fell into mid afternoon on Sunday. We ended up with about 7 inches on the ground.

Looking northeast on Sunday morning.

Looking straight north on Sunday morning

The backyard.

Husband and his tractor to the rescue!

I think he actually likes playing in the snow.

Looking northwest. I took this shot this morning.

Another shot from this morning. Skies are still grey.

This tall pine used to be a twin; a high wind some years ago knocked over the other one.