Two things I have always wanted to try are not at all related.
One is a climb to McAfee's Knob. It's on the Appalachian Trail and not far from me. It is, however, a six mile trek. I do well to make it around the grocery store. So unless I become more physically active, I don't see this happening.
The other is to have an office not in my house, a place of my very own. I took over one of the rooms that was to have been a bedroom when we had children, but since we were denied that opportunity, the rooms turned into other uses.
The small room had always been my office, because I freelanced even when I was working. I was also in school and needed a place to study.
In 1994, when I was having migraines for three days every two weeks and could not feasibly be employed, I started freelancing full time. The larger bedroom became my office. It has been my office now for 25 years. While it is easy to throw in a load of laundry, it is also a distraction.
This is particularly true now that my husband has retired and is home more. The fact that he is in the house makes me anxious after spending so much time alone here.
So I have always wanted an office of my own. A place to go and work. Logically and monetarily, it doesn't make sense, though.
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I feel most energized when I am writing on an article. This is particularly true if I know I'm breaking a story - the first to get the news out there. Tracking down leads, doing quick interviews, putting it all together, double-checking facts - it's a breathtaking undertaking. I did it well when I was doing it and I still enjoy the little I am doing. I'm not sure why I can't find this same enthusiasm for my own projects.
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I feel most tired when I am at odds with myself. This is not the happy tired of having worked in the garden, or the happy tired of having cleaned something. This is the despair kind of tired that makes one wonder why one exists in the first place. That's a very tiring question to which there seems to be no answer.
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I can sympathize with you. As soon as both kids were moved out I chose one of the bedrooms and made myself a space. I keep tweaking it, but it isn't large and it's stuffed to the gills, but it's all mine. Everything in it is something of value to me from my books, to the artwork, the antique typewriter, my journals, and my craft supplies. No one else comes in here and I rather like it that way. And yes, I am out of sorts when my husband is at home. He's always worked such long hours and I've had my way of doing things that having him about just throws everything off. I dread the adjustment if and when he retires. I've heard from many that it's HARD.
ReplyDeleteThe feeling you get when you hit that writing groove...it's almost like a high.
I have an office in my house that is a spare bedroom and I know about feeling bad because of being in there so much. I hate going in there when my husband is inside, but I need to. I also share the room with the granddoll and she has so many things in there that I truly don't really have the room I need, but financially, I am not able to justify an office away from home currently.
ReplyDeleteI know that feeling. Both the good one and the bad ones. When I'm having a great day, it's great, but a bad day can be awful.
ReplyDeleteDealt with that question ( why I exist?) myself lately. Still tired, still no answer.
ReplyDeleteI remember reading in the memoir of Cubs great Billy Williams that many, many ballplayers divorce after they retire. Never having been married, this surprised me. Why -- after the years of road trips and the strain that must put on a marriage -- would they split when that's behind them? For the same reason you mention. Suddenly, having him home all the time unexpectedly felt like a strain.
ReplyDeleteI envy you the thrill of tracking down a story! I wanted to be a journalist once, a long time ago, but moving out seemed more important than finishing college, so ...
You are better off where you are. Journalism is a dying profession, and it's been no fun the last four years being "the enemy of the people" in the eyes of some.
DeleteHi Anita, hubby and I are both retired and we get along fine. We watch certain programs together that we like. He stays in the front room watching his shows on his big screen. I am usually in one of the extra room crafting or in the bedroom reading. When the weather is nice I go outside. We go out once a week, even though we don't eat inside the restaurants. I live in the city so when I need space I drive to Hobby Lobby and just browse and enjoy the music. I do miss getting together with my friends, but okay for the most part. I am in two groups online and they keep me busy. I went walking today and it was nice. Hubby worked in was out in the garden and I was putting things back on my "new" computer. It runs so fast now with the new hard drive. The Geek Squad was great. I don't worry about the passwords. I don't store them on there and type them in each time. They are so busy with so many working from home and kids doing home school. Enjoy your week!
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