Remembering Grandma

Yesterday was the anniversary of my maternal grandmother's death. She died on June 28, 2007.

I can hardly believe it has been 11 years.

My grandmother took care of me when I was small, and after I went to school, she took care of me when I was sick. Since I have always been puny, I generally missed anywhere from 30-35 days of school because of bronchial issues. I must have had bronchitis and/or walking pneumonia every year.

When I was sick, Grandma let me watch TV, which was a big deal because she could get more channels than we could down in the country. At Grandma's house, I could watch The Price is Right, which I think was one of her favorites because we never missed it. I also watched Dark Shadows, which I was really too young to be watching but I absolutely loved that show. It was also during this time that I began watching The Guiding Light, a soap opera that my grandmother seldom missed. I was too young to be watching that, too, I suppose.

Grandma was very good about giving me lots of chicken noodle soup along with Granddaddy cookies when I wasn't well. (Granddaddy cookies are what we called Little Debbie Oatmeal Cookies, because my grandfather took them with him for lunch every day. I still call them Granddaddy cookies.)

If I was very sick, Grandma would sit me in her lap, wrap me in an afghan made by Aunt Susie (her sister), and sing me to sleep. She usually sang, "Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. I'm half crazy all for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage. I can't afford a carriage. But you'll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two." That's the one I remember the best.

Grandma also had a set of World Book Encyclopedias and she was very proud of those books. I could look at them if I wasn't too snotty or coughing a lot. I liked to sit and read them. I don't know that I've ever met another person who has said they sat and read the encyclopedia, but I loved looking at them and reading them.

I read anything I could find in the house. I read my aunt's Nancy Drew books, and a series of books that included children's novels like The Silver Skates and Five Little Peppers and How They Grew that apparently were strictly decoration because I think I'm the only person who ever read them. Grandma had a cherished set of The Little House books and I read all of those, too. Being sick wasn't necessarily fun - but since I liked to read I can't say I minded it all that much.

Grandma gave me lots of love, and I was a child who needed lots of love. I needed more love than I did discipline because I wasn't a naughty kid. Inquisitive, yes, but not naughty (my father may beg to differ, but really I was a good child). I asked lots of questions and seldom accepted pat answers. If you told me the sky was blue because God made it that way, you would get another, "why?" out of me. Yes, I was one of those children, always asking why.

My grandmother, who only had a fourth grade education, fostered my love of knowledge. She read the paper from front to back, including the advertisements, and she would read it to me. I was reading the paper without help by the time I was four and I have hardly missed a day of reading a newspaper since. A half-century of reading The Roanoke Times ought to be rewarded with something, you know? Especially when you're just a little older than a half-century yourself.

As I aged, I saw less of Grandma, and when I was old enough to stay by myself when I was sick, I did, unless I was very sick. By then my grandmother would have been in her late 40s or early 50s (she was a young mother and her youngest child is a year younger than I am - my mother was young, too) and probably a little more wary of germs. After my grandfather died when I was 12, her life changed and not for the better. She lived on Social Security because my grandfather died like 2 days before he was fully vested in his pension at Kroger, where he worked, and they refused to give my grandmother any of his pension money. For years after that, my mother and the rest of the family refused to shop at Kroger. I can't say I blame them. My grandmother's life would have been much better if they had been a bit lenient on the rules.

She lost her husband and my mother before she died, along with a sister and a brother. People handle death in different ways and of course I was a child when my grandfather left us. I never really knew how she felt about my mother's death. It had to have been painful and terribly difficult to lose your eldest child.

Some nights when I am lonesome I talk to my Grandma. She doesn't give me advice - she usually didn't do that - but she was a good listener. So I know she hears me even if I don't get a response back. I think I might have to have a good long talk with her very, very soon.

Grandma

Thursday Thirteen

Wisdom from an emotional intelligence test:

1. Recognize emotions for what they are. Emotions are a signal. Don't let negative emotions simmer; instead, milk them for information.

2. Emotions and logic are not enemies. Emotions are a message. Logic is the way we interpret the message.

3. Don't brush aside gut instincts or intuitions.

4. Know the consequences of suppression. A buildup of negative emotions can result in a messy explosion, like a shaken soda can.

5. Learn to relax. Take deep breaths. Repeat calming words to yourself. Use imagery. Do a soothing task. Practice stretching, yoga, tai chi, etc. Go outside and breathe in fresh air.

6. Learn to use empathy. (I think 9/10 of the world needs to figure this one out.) Increase your connection to other people by truly listening and trying to put yourself in their shoes.

7. Don't fall victim to "The Fundamental Attribution Error." This means stop trying to figure out the causes of other people's actions. For example, the person you call a jerk who cuts you off in traffic maybe just learned his mother died. Be more forgiving. Try to understand that others are under just as much pressure and stress as you are, and as a result, their behavior may not always represent who they are.

8. Learn body language. People are not always honest. Be alert to the contradictions between what people say and how they behave. A terse "I'm fine" means the person probably isn't.

9. Deal with conflict in a timely manner. Don't have words in a public place. Pick the right place and time, but don't let it fester.

10. Be open to compromise. Give a little. Look past your own self-interest and think of what is the best resolution to a conflict as a whole.

11. Nurture your mental and emotional flexibility. Get beyond black-and-white thinking. Be open-minded with others. Focus on the best solution, not the solution you want.

12. Think before you speak (or post on Facebook or Tweet, for God's sake). Ask yourself if what you are about to say or write is worth communicating. Will it be productive? Is there a better way to say it?

13. Use "I" phrases. When criticizing, phrase it from your own point of view. Instead of "You frustrate me" say "I am frustrated when you do blah blah because it does blah blah." Say how you feel, why, and ask the other person a question that leaves the ball in their court. "You" phrases are accusatory, which puts the other person on the defensive.

This came from testyourself.psychtests.com which has a lot of different personality/psychological tests on it. Some are free, most you pay for. This one is incredibly long, which I didn't realize when I started it, and after spending about two hours on it I went ahead and ponied up the money for the full results. Essentially my score was reasonably good (right in the middle of the bell curve), but low in areas like emotional expression, personal drive, emotional regulation, comfort with emotional situations or people, and goal-setting (which was my lowest score), and self-motivation (not good for a self-employed freelancer, I suppose). I scored high in identifying emotions, social competencies, adaptable social skills, social insight, conflict-resolution knowledge, empathy, and flexibility.

I like to do a little self-analysis from time to time to see where I might need to step up. Obviously I need to set some goals for myself. I was talking about this with a friend just the other day. I had major goals but I reached them (obtain my BA, obtain my masters, write for the newspaper), but I didn't replace them as I reached them. So I need to replace them and figure out where I'm going now. I suppose at my age this could be a bucket list sort of thing, since I am old enough to die.

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you may think you know me. What would you suggest I consider for goals?

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Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here if you want to read other Thursday Thirteens and/or play along. I've been playing for a while and this is my 558th time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday. Or so sayth the Blogger counter, anyway.

Yucca

When You Disagree

This weekend, a somewhat local restaurant (within 45 minutes of me, anyway, in Lexington) made the news because the owner asked the press spokesperson for the White House to leave and go eat elsewhere.

Given the horrors of this administration, I can understand the owner's desire to have the woman leave. This is an administration that separated babies from parents and put them in cages. Just today the president himself is calling for the end of due process for asylum seekers. He wants to round 'em up and send 'em back without even asking them why they want to come here.

To hell with the U.S. Constitution, right?

Some people are very happy with President Trump and that is their right. I hope that time proves me wrong about what I think of him. I always hope that with people in power, that I am proven wrong when I think they are doing bad things.

Generally, I am proven right. But only Time knows that; people have short memories, they twist events to suit themselves, the outcomes ultimately only matter if blood is spilled, and usually not even then. To be sure, at this stage, right or left, it's my opinion that we have all lost.

I don't know what I would do if I owned a restaurant and persons with whom I vehemently disagreed wanted to come in. I don't particularly like to deal with "the public," which is why being a news reporter suited me. I attended thousands of public events, but I was like a small bee. I was the invisible observer, polite if spoken to, otherwise obscure. I listened attentively if someone sought me out so I could hear their point of view, whether or not I agreed. It was up to me, later, to decide if I wanted to let their words find a larger voice (I usually did, because I am a professional and that was what professionals did.). Sometimes what they said was all blather and did not pertain to the issue at hand. I listened anyway because you never know when one thing will lead to something else. And since I was a reporter, and doing research, I freely spoke to folks when I wanted to, if I thought they had something interesting to say or something to add to the story.

For me, it was all about the story. It wasn't about opinion, power, or political sides. It was about facts, and that was all I cared about.

There was this one time, though, when I turned down hot dogs. You'd have thought I had done the unthinkable. Perhaps back then it was. It stands out in my mind because I think it is one of the few times I walked away from a story for personal reasons.

The year was 1997. It was August, and hot. Candidate Jim Gilmore, who would that November win the Virginia governor's seat and who in 2008 ran for President of the United States, was stumping in Craig County (population 4,950 about that time).

I was the freelance reporter who was covering Craig County for the little tiny weekly paper. I was paid somewhere around $25 a story, plus mileage, so I tried to get three or four articles at a whack every time I drove over there. Otherwise it simply didn't pay because New Castle (the Craig County seat), like Lexington, is 45 minutes away.

So on this hot August day, maybe around 11 a.m., I showed up in downtown New Castle to take a photo of Jim Gilmore roaming around shaking hands, and write up a little something about his visit.

I was the only media there. No TV reporters with cameras, no daily newspaper reporter. Nobody with a cellphone with a camera because those hadn't hit mainstream yet. There was just me with my little notebook and my Nikon FG-50 film camera.

Mr. Gilmore was accompanied by three men, his handlers, I suppose we would call them today. They had on dark black suits and sunglasses, and looked sweaty in the broiling sun. They were loud, boisterous, misogynistic, and racist. They called me "little lady reporter" and offered suggestions for photos, as if I hadn't been doing this for 12 years by that time and couldn't figure out a good angle for a picture. They whispered quotes into Mr. Gilmore's ear about the charm of the historic venue. One of them snickered about the fact that New Castle was once a "sunset town" - that is to say, there was a sign there, taken down during my life time, that threatened black people if they were caught in the county after dark. (Not long after Mr. Gilmore's visit, the KKK had a party over there, too, and then someone burned a cross in the yard of a man who was housing a black person. I refused to write those stories, too. Not for $25.)

These busy important fellows also all smoked cigarettes and threw the butts into the street, grinding the cancer sticks beneath the heels of their expensive shoes. They left their litter on the sidewalk.

They stunk in every sense of the word, these men.

When they headed for the little hot dog restaurant that used to be in town, one of them asked me if I'd like to join them for lunch. "You know, get an exclusive," he said. Wink, wink.

"No thank you," I said. "I have all I need."

With that I walked off, trying not to double over laughing at their slack jaws. I don't think anyone in the media had ever told them no before. I heard them talking as I walked away. "Can you believe that?" one of them said.

Maybe it was a missed opportunity. I could have written the greatest piece ever about the soon-to-be governor and how he loved chili and called the cook the best hot dog maker in the state. Or perhaps I could have overheard him say something like his cohorts did, something callous and racist, and printed it. It would have been in a newspaper that less than 2,500 people read, at a time when there was no Facebook, no Twitter, no social media. Maybe the daily newspaper would have picked it up, but I doubt it. They paid little attention to that area of their readership.

So I walked away, leaving Gilmore's handlers surprised and confused because the media - i.e., me - spurned them. They thought, I'm sure, that I was doing a poor job. What they didn't know was this: I was only being paid $25 and I had the story I was being paid to write. These men were jerks, they were smoking cigarettes, and I have asthma. I also thought Mr. Gilmore was insincere and I knew his "no car tax" mantra would ultimately fail if the legislation passed because I'd talked to two different commissioners of revenue who had done the math and shown me how it would never work. (The legislation passed. It destroyed Virginia's rainy day fund and we're still paying the car tax to this day. So much for slogans.)

So why would I go eat a hot dog with these people?

That was how I handled something I didn't want to deal with. I walked away from powerful men who were talking down to me, who were making fun of the community I was covering, and who were about as black-hearted as a vulture looming over the fence hungrily gazing at a dead deer. I've been a reporter for a long time. I can size people up fairly well.

Today? Today I'm older. Hopefully wiser. Would I do it differently now? Now I wouldn't even take the job. And if I took the job, I still wouldn't go eat a hot dog with chain-smoking, self-righteous braggarts who thought I owed them something simply because they existed. The only thing I might do differently is be more insincerely apologetic and say I had a previous engagement or something, simply because of social media. (Social media sucks but the reality is I wouldn't want some dude tweeting "news reporter just walked away from exclusive. What a bitch!")

After all, turning your back and walking away from someone is, in itself, a special form of power. It's a power we all have, if we only think to use it.

Throwing someone out of your restaurant is another form of power, similar to turning your back. Good or bad? Your guess is as good as mine.

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing

1. When was the last time you went to the doctor? Do you like your doctor?

A. I was at the doctor on Thursday for what is either strep throat or mono. If I'm not better by Tuesday I have to go back for blood work. I love my doctor. She's very good to me. She listens and treats me like a person, which is a good thing because I am sick frequently. She is an old school physician, which is why she is practicing on her own and not with a group. Nobody tells her she can't spend 15 minutes with me if that is what I need.

2. My back is itching, will you scratch it for me?

A. I would if you were close by.

3. Do you have nice handwriting?

A. No.

4. We are sending you to either New Zealand or Canada, which one do you choose?

A. New Zealand, just because of the hobbit village left over from the Lord of the Rings movies. I wouldn't mind visiting Canada, though, in the summer.

5. Do you sing in the shower?

A. Sometimes.

6. Have you ever been streaking? If so, how far did you streak and did anyone see you?

A. I have never been streaking, unless you count the walk from the shower to the closet.

7. How soon is too soon for Christmas decorations and music playing in the stores?

A. Anytime before Halloween is far too soon for decorations in the stores. Music is too soon before Thanksgiving.

8. If you celebrated Halloween as a kid what was the costume you wore at 5?

A. I have absolutely no idea.

9. How many cavities have you had in your life?

A. I don't know. Several.

10.  Is there anyone you regret meeting?

A. No. I usually learn something from everyone I meet, even disagreeable people.

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I encourage you to visit other participants in Sunday Stealing posts and leave a comment. Cheers to all us thieves who love memes, however we come by them.

Saturday 9: Shut Up & Dance

Saturday 9: Shut Up + Dance (2014)

Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.

1) This is about a man who meets the woman who is his destiny on the dance floor. Do you think we each have One Great Love preordained by fate? Or do you think life offers each of us many opportunities for romance?

A. I think life offers many opportunities. Love comes in many forms.

2) Lead singer Nick Petricca says this song is inspired by a true story. He was all keyed up and his girlfriend dragged him onto the dance floor, insisting that dancing would cheer him up. Therefore he considers this song an "anthem to letting go and having fun." Think of the last time you really had fun. Who were you with? What were you doing?

A. I was with my husband and we were playing video games in an arcade.

3) The dance floor incident that inspired this song took place in Echo Park, an LA neighborhood located near Elysian Park and Chinatown. Tell us about your village or city. Do the neighborhoods have interesting names?

A. In my county, we have Haymakertown, Mount Union, Fincastle, Amsterdamn, Trinity, Horrytown, Lithia, Lignite, Oriskany, Nace, Buchanan, Eagle Rock, Blue Ridge, Coyner Springs, Troutville, Wheatland and others.

4) Walk the Moon promoted this record by a performance on Good Morning America. Are you enthusiastic and energetic at 7:00 AM? Or do you hit your stride later in the day?

A. I am barely functioning at 7 a.m.

5) "Shut Up + Dance" is the biggest hit by Walk the Moon. The bandmembers met as at Kenyon, Ohio's oldest private college. Tell us about something that's old and revered where you live.

A. My husband was watching me answer these questions and he said, "me" to this one, but he's not that old, bless his heart. Since the question mentioned colleges, I will tell you about Hollins University, which used to be Hollins College (I have my BA from Hollins College and my MA from Hollins University). It is my alma mater. The undergraduate portion is all women, one of the few single-sex higher educational facilities left in the US. The masters level programs are not single-sex.

The college began in 1842 as Valley Union Seminary in the historical settlement of Botetourt Springs. It is one of the oldest institutions of higher education for women in the United States. It was Virginia's first chartered women's college.

Hollins is known for its undergraduate and graduate writing programs, which have produced Pulitzer Prize–winning authors Annie Dillard, U.S. poet laureate Natasha Trethewey, and Henry S. Taylor. Other prominent alumnae include pioneering sportswriter Mary Garber, 2006 Man Booker Prize winner Kiran Desai, UC-Berkeley's first tenured female physicist (and a principal contributor to theories for detecting the Higgs boson) Mary K. Gaillard, Goodnight Moon author Margaret Wise Brown, author Lee Smith, photographer Sally Mann, former White House correspondent Ann Compton, and Ellen Malcolm, founder of EMILY's List.

Here are photos of the campus from 2011.

 
6) Walk the Moon took their name from the Police song, "Walking on the Moon." What's your favorite song by Sting and/or The Police?

A. Fields of Gold.

7) In 2014, the year this song was popular, Robin Williams took his own life. What's your favorite Robin Williams performance?

A. I liked him as the genie in Aladdin, but I think his work in Dead Poet's Society is probably my favorite.

8) Also in 2014, the Apple Watch was introduced. Are you wearing a watch as you answer these 9 questions?

A. Yes. I always wear a watch.

9) Random question -- You must create a coat of arms for yourself, representing your life and spirit. Which of these items would you place at the center: a heart, a sword, or a pen?

A. A heart with an ink pen in it.

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I encourage you to visit other participants in Saturday 9 posts and leave a comment. Because there are no rules, it is your choice. Saturday 9 players hate rules. We love memes, however. 

Thursday Thirteen

Types of government

1. Tribalism is a governmental system based on a small complex society of varying degrees of centralisation that is led by an individual known as a chief.

2. Monarchism is a governmental system in which the government is headed by an agreed-upon head of the nobility who is known as the monarch, usually in the form of a king or emperor (but also less commonly a queen or empress). In most monarchical systems the position of monarch is one inherited from a previous ruler by bloodline or marriage, but in other cases it may be a position elected by the nobility themselves, as was the case in the ancient Roman Kingdom and the medieval Holy Roman Empire.

3. Republicanism is a governmental system where laws and governmental policies are considered a "public matter." The citizens of the society, whoever they may be, decide these "public matters." Most modern nation-states are examples of republics, but other examples include those of ancient Rome and Athens.

4. Despotism is a governmental system where the laws and resources of a nation are controlled by one individual, usually a monarch or dictator, who holds absolute political power. Examples include the pharaohs of Ancient Egypt and the Roman emperors.

5. Feudalism is a governmental system of land ownership and duties common to medieval Europe. Under feudalism, all the land in a kingdom belonged to the king. However, the king would give some of the land to the lords or nobles who fought for him. These presents of land were called manors. Then the nobles gave some of their land to vassals. The vassals then had to do duties for the nobles. The lands of vassals were called fiefs.

6. Colonialism is a governmental system where a native group (or their lands and resources) is subjugated by an external political power for their own economic and/or political benefit.

7. Capitalism is a governmental system where the means of production (machines, tools, factories, etc.) are owned by private individuals. Workers then negotiate with those individuals to use those means of production in exchange for a portion of what they produce, usually in the form of capital (money). The owners of the means of production are entitled to whatever portion of the products of the workers' labor that is agreed upon by the two parties. The capitalist system is usually accompanied by a Welfare state which plays a key role in the protection and promotion of the economic and social well-being of its citizens. It is based on the principles of equality of opportunity, equitable distribution of wealth, and public responsibility for those unable to avail themselves of the minimal provisions for a good life.

8. Minarchism is a variant of capitalism which advocates for the State to exist solely to provide a very small number of services. A popular model of the State proposed by minarchists is known as the night-watchman state, in which the only governmental functions are to protect citizens from aggression, theft, breach of contract, and fraud as defined by property laws, limiting it to three institutions: the military, the police, and courts.

9. Distributism is a variant of capitalism which views widespread property ownership as fundamental right; the means of production are spread as widely as possible rather than being centralized under the control of the state (as in state socialism), or a few individuals/corporations (as in what proponents of distributism call "crony capitalism"). Distributism fundamentally opposes socialism and capitalism, which distributists view as equally flawed and exploitative. In contrast, distributism seeks to subordinate economic activity to human life as a whole.

10. Socialism is a governmental system where workers, democratically and/or socially own the means of production. The economic framework may be decentralized and self-managed in autonomous economic units, as in libertarian systems, or centrally planned, as in authoritarian systems. Public services such as healthcare and education would be commonly, collectively, and/or state owned.

11. Anarchism is a governmental system that advocates self-governed societies based on voluntary institutions. These are often described as stateless societies, although several authors have defined them more specifically as institutions based on non-hierarchical or free associations. Anarchism holds the state to be undesirable, unnecessary, and/or harmful.

12. Communism is a socialist system in which the means of production are commonly owned (either by the people directly, through the commune, or by a communist state or society), and production is undertaken for use, rather than for profit. Communist society is thus, in theory, stateless, classless, moneyless, and democratic — it is usually regarded as the "final form" of a socialist or anarchist society.

13. Totalitarianism is a governmental system in which the land and resources of a nation are controlled by a centralised authoritarian state that holds absolute political power, usually under a dictatorship or single political party. Examples include the Soviet Union and Nazi Germany.


Information from Wikipedia.

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Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here if you want to read other Thursday Thirteens and/or play along. I've been playing for a while and this is my 557th time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday. Or so sayth the Blogger counter, anyway.

My Mother's Birthday

Today is my mother's birthday. She would have been 74, but she died in 2000 at the age of 56 - just one year older than I am now.

She had pancreatic cancer, which is a terrible cancer and one that is almost always fatal. You know if even Patrick Swayze and Steve Jobs can't beat it, with all the money they must have had, it's not something the average person has much chance of surviving.

This is a "Glamour Shots" photo of my mother circa 1993:

She would have been 49 when this was taken. Who would have thought she wouldn't be with us just seven years later?

I was 37 years old when my mother passed away. My experiences with death at that time were few - only my grandfathers and relatives who lived out of state and thus not exactly "real" to me anyway. I would like to think I would handle it better now that I am older, but there is no point in second guessing such things. You do the best you can at the time with what you have, and if that doesn't suit, it was still the best you could do so the outcome would not have been different.

She would not have liked to have been an "old woman" so this is pretty much the way she will always be remembered, looking beautiful as she approached 50. Forever young.

It is Who We Are

*Update* The news is reporting this morning (06/20/2018) that we have withdrawn from the U.N. Human Rights Council. The people running the country now are inhumane and isolationism is not the answer in a global economy. The more I read about this, the more I despise the current administration.

_________________
Written 06/19/2018

My Facebook page is littered with images and comments about the issue of the current administration's stringent policy of separating children from their parents at the border. Since I mostly only see liberal writings on Facebook, there is a lot of hand-wringing and cries of, "this is not who we are."

There are also commentaries from my non-liberal acquaintances, who, as best I can tell, think anyone who doesn't look like them is a little beast that deserves to be locked up. Those commenters are, I suppose, part of the 35% who agree with President Trump regardless of what he does. (At the moment about 65% of people don't like the separation of children and parents policy, 35% approve.)

I have refrained from commenting or posting about this issue not because I don't care about it (I certainly do) but because I tend not to have knee-jerk reactions to things and prefer to figure out what is really going on before I do make a declaration.

At the end of this piece, you'll see a list of recommended reading and you will find links within this blog post. These are resources I have looked at this morning in an effort to better understand this particular issue. You will note that I went outside of the US for some of my information, and some of it comes from senate hearings on immigration issues, and yes, even Fox News. (I will read stuff from Fox News but I am not fond of their website, which is full of video. I don't want to watch my news unless it is the local stations. I don't watch videos from many news organization. I prefer to read my news. And unfortunately the commentary from Fox News anchors is incredibly biased. They shouldn't be offering any commentary at all and simply let the issues speak for themselves. I don't care if you agree with me on that or not, that is real journalism and the commentary from Fox entertainers (I can't really call them journalists) makes me shudder.)

For the record, as a moral stance, I don't think parents and children who are having to wait for any length of time for a hearing on their immigration status should be separated. If you can warehouse children in a former Walmart building, you can warehouse the whole family there. I would think it would be cheaper to keep them all together.

I also fear that this type of action serves only to create hostility towards the US and that somewhere among the thousands of children currently not with their parents we are creating little terrorists who will one day blow something up, or the parents will do rash things to try to get their children back. We have already read of one man who killed himself after being separated from his wife and child. Love is a strong force and not to be underestimated.

But this issue, like any issue with the government, is complicated. For one thing, this does not all lay at Mr. Trump's feet (though much of it does). As much as I would like to place it there, because I do not like the man, as a former journalist I simply cannot do that.

The government has struggled with immigration policy for decades - or, if you really care to go back into history - for as long as the USA has existed. We are, after all, a people who separated native- born Americans from their parents and sent them to boarding schools to assimilate them.

We are also a people who put Japanese families into interment camps during World War II.

We're a people who hated Irish immigrants in the 19th century and didn't really care if they had no potatoes.

So to cry about current policies is a bit hypocritical if you haven't had the issue on your radar before now. If you're only upset about it because you dislike Mr. Trump, then I suggest you go find a corner and think about what it is you're really protesting. President Obama struggled with this. Presidents Bush and Clinton struggled with this. All administrations have.

As best I can tell, the current situation has been ramped up by a zero-tolerance policy enacted by the Trump Administration earlier this year. Over the last 20 years, the system of immigration has evolved and stems from at least three things: (1) a ruling known as the Flores Settlement Agreement (1997), which ensures that children who are removed from parents are treated humanly and given "food and drink, emergency medical assistance, toilets and sinks, adequate temperature control and ventilation, adequate supervision, and separation from unrelated adults whenever possible;" (2) the Homeland Security Act of 2002, and (3) The Trafficking Victims Protection Reauthorization Act of 2008.

The 1997 act came about as a result of a legal settlement and thus did not go through Congress - it is a ruling of law and Congress has not changed it. The Homeland Security Act of 2002 went through Congress and was signed by President George W. Bush. The Trafficking Victims Protection Reauthorization Act of 2008, (which renewed a similar law from 2000) also went through Congress and was also signed by President Bush just prior to his leaving office a month later.

I do believe that the current reading and understanding of the Flores settlement which requires "separation from unknown adults" may be giving rise to some of this, and gives Mr. Trump's efforts to double down hard a semblance of legitimacy even though congressional leaders this morning are saying it is merely administrative policy pushing this. (Update: Here is a Snopes article claiming that the Flores settlement has no role in the current situation, meaning it is the current administration that is solely responsible for the "break up" of families. Also, here's a Washington Post article that discusses how this is Mr. Trump's policy, not a matter of law.) 

One of the most alarming items among the many things I read this morning was a statement given before the Senate Committee that Mr. Trump is seeking to undo the Flores agreement, meaning, I suppose, that children would not have food and drink, etc. What does he expect to do with them, then, if you do not treat them humanely? Does he plan to put them in hot abandoned Walmart structures and let them die? This perplexes me and I'm not sure why one would seek to undo something that ensures appropriate care of children.

A major question I have, not that it matters from a moral stance, is whether these are all people who are trying to cross the border illegally and sneak in or whether some of these separations are between people who are going through the process legitimately only to see their children removed from them. Nothing I have read this morning actually clears this question up for me. I suppose for some people any person who is not a US citizen who steps foot on US soil is an illegal immigrant even if they are standing in line to go through the appropriate hearings and processing. It doesn't really matter; I don't believe this separation of families is defensible regardless of the situation.

There is speculation that this policy has been enacted to force financing of the border wall, a big expensive structure that would cut across the borders between Mexico and the United States. (I have to wonder, given Mr. Trump's disgruntlement with Canada, if building a wall there won't be next.)

I don't believe in walls. They didn't work in Germany and they aren't going to work here. I see it as a big waste of money to assuage the ego of bigots and racists who prefer lily white subdivisions and who don't want to hear foreign languages spoken when they are shopping at Sam's Clubs. I would rather the money go to social programs that would make these same people, many of whom are on disability or living off of Social Security, feel a little more secure in their life. It is hard to feel secure if you're living on Social Security and the government, as it has for about 20 years, constantly says Social Security is broken and must end. But giving these folks some sense of security isn't going to happen. A fearful populace is easier to lead around by the nose.

The point of this little article is get to some version of truth of the matter (and offer a little opinion along the way - it is a blog, after all, not a newspaper.). The truth as best I can determine is that (a) Mr. Trump has escalated an already-existing issue to prove some point or to get something, or to rile up his base because it makes them happy to see others suffer or for other unknown reasons, (b) some of his administration believe we are a country ruled by the Bible and not the U.S. Constitution and law, which somehow justifies doing things that Jesus Christ himself would abhor, and (c) for me personally I find the separation of immigrant families an abhorrent abuse of power but, having not taken notice of it in the past, I really have no standing to raise my fist about it. I can say I don't like it but I also have to acknowledge that ultimately, this is merely a reflection of who we are.

I also don't like the changes to other immigration programs, the one that means children of illegal immigrants can be sent to countries they've never seen, and I don't like the fact that such enforcement has increased exponentially since Mr. Trump came into power. As The Guardian puts it:

When it comes to the undocumented population living in the US, in the administration’s eyes, there appears no longer to be any distinction between violent criminals and people who have been living quietly without legal status for decades.

 

From October 2016 to September 2017, US Immigration and Customs Enforcement (Ice) said, it had apprehended nearly 38,000 individuals who had no criminal convictions – a 146% increase from the previous year.

I freely admit that I dislike the current administration and its policies. I do not like Mr. Trump as a person, and I do not like the people he surrounds himself with. I am not defending him here, (though I am afraid it might sound like it) but I am trying to understand a difficult subject with some objectivity.

The fact is, Americans are not nice people. We never have been. We like power, we despise change, and we all want to be rich. Not a bit of that is good. None of it is Christian. It may be a stereotype, and I know there are many exceptions, but the exceptions are not the rule.

Our current leader and his policies are a reflection of that.


Recommended reading:

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/jun/19/families-border-separations-trump-immigration-policy

http://www.aila.org/infonet/flores-v-reno-settlement-agreement

https://www.hsgac.senate.gov/imo/media/doc/McCament%20Testimony.pdf

https://www.aclu.org/files/pdfs/immigrants/flores_v_meese_agreement.pdf

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/18/us/politics/trump-immigration-germany-merkel.html?hp&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&clickSource=story-heading&module=first-column-region&region=top-news&WT.nav=top-news

https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2018/06/trump-doubles-anger-grows-child-separation-policy-180619075717557.html

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2018/06/19/sessions-rebukes-critics-who-compare-border-situation-to-nazi-germany-fundamentally-were-enforcing-law.html

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/family-separation-trump-republicans_us_5b28499be4b0f0b9e9a421f1

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing

1. List five ways to win your heart.

A. (1) Be honest with me. (2) Don't use me. (3) Show me you care by calling me occasionally. (4) Give me something special. (5) Be kind.

2. Name something you feel strongly about.

A. This:



America is not the greatest country in the world anymore.

3. Give the title of a book you love.

A. The Wind in the Willows, by Kenneth Grahame

4. List five pet peeves.

A. (1) People who tailgate when you're driving. (2) Trash along the roadways. (3) Smoking (it sets off my asthma). (4) The fact that my husband thinks my kitchen counter is his depository for anything he brings in the house or has on his person. (5) Dogs in stores.

5. What did you eat today?

A. I have had a rough morning as I have TMJ and I woke up with my jaw locked up. It has finally returned to normal but it will be a soft food day, so I've had a Boost drink and an egg.

6. How important do you think education is?

A. Education is the most important thing a person can do for himself/herself and for society. Education is how you learn to tie your shoes, catch fish, and drive a car. It is how you frame your morality and how you understand the world around you.
 
7. Name five people you find attractive.

A. (1) My husband. (2) George Clooney. (3) Viggo Mortenson (though not so much when he's clean shaven). (4) The young Patrick Swayze (as in Dirty Dancing). (5) Sean Connery.

8. What did you wear today?

A. I have on a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt.

9. Name something you always think “what if” about.

A. "What if" I had never met my husband?

10. Note something you’re proud of.

A. I have a nice long list of published articles - thousands of them, actually. I worked very hard to bring information to my community and to educate the public on topics that should have been of interest to them in order for people to make informed decisions and to better our area.

11. Name five items you lust after.

A. I don't "lust" after anything. I don't even particularly want anything.

12. List five words/phrases that make you laugh.

A. (1) Taters? What's tater's, Precious? (2) What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow? (3) Don't call me Shirley.  /// I can't think of anymore.

13. Give a quote you try to live by.

A. Do no harm.

14. Tell something you like and something you dislike about yourself.

A. I like that I am smart. I don't like that I am overweight.

15. Tell us about a problem that you have had.

A. Everybody has problems. One minor problem I have is that my driveway is nearly gone, thanks to heavy rains, and I almost wrecked the car yesterday when it slipped off what is left of the driveway and into a ditch. Fortunately I corrected appropriately. We really need to get a load of gravel in here.

__________

I encourage you to visit other participants in Sunday Stealing posts and leave a comment. Cheers to all us thieves who love memes, however we come by them.

California Cousin

My father's family moved to California when I was about 6 months old. He stayed behind in Virginia while my grandfather, grandmother, and my father's two older brothers and his younger sister headed west.

I grew up not really knowing that side of the family. I never met my father's younger sister, who passed away a few years ago. I have cousins out there I don't know and probably will never meet.

My grandparents were people who visited with years in between - people who sent me presents at Christmas and infrequent voices on the phone. While I tried to change that when I became an adult with a lot of letter-writing to my grandfather, distances like that can be difficult to overcome.

My cousins out in California knew my grandparents much better than I ever could have. They saw them more frequently and spent lots of time with them. That side of the family has different experiences than I did.

So anyway, my first cousin, Steve, and his wife, Lisa, came out this past week for a visit. They went to the beach with my father and stepmother, so I did not see much of them. But here are a few shots from our brief visit.

Steve's wife, Lisa. I had not met her before though we are Facebook friends and have had a few brief chats.

This is my 1st cousin, Steve. He is my father's oldest brother's son, i.e., "Uncle Ken's boy."
He worked for my father for a while back in the early 1990s and he and my husband
shared a passion for NASCAR, so I did get to know him a bit.

My father and my stepmother, Rita.

Steve and Lisa.

Lisa taking a funny photo of Steve wherein he has horns coming out of his head. She said he looked like Shrek
in the photo.

My father, my stepmother, and cousin, Steve. Can you see a family resemblance between my father and his nephew?

My father, Lisa, and Steve.