Farewell 2013

I do not usually want to wish away a year, but I am not unhappy that 2013 is leaving us. It hasn't been the worst year of my life, but it certainly hasn't been the best.

I hope 2014 is better.

Here are some photos of the past year:

In hindsight, perhaps this picture that I took in JAnuary was a hint of things to come.

February brought us interesting weather.

The snows came in March, right as I as began teaching my journaling class.

Spring arrived in April, and I remember being grateful for the color and change of season.

In May, my husband began his big farm project. It commenced with the drilling of a new well.

 In June, I turned 50, and then 20 days later had my gallbladder removed. My husband turned 54 in June, too.

July was a continuation of one of the wettest years we'd had in a long time, causing mushrooms to spring forth like hobbits from holes after each rain.

In August, our garden gave us an abundance of tomatoes, cucumbers, and zucchini. By the time the garden gave up the ghost, I was glad to not be eating those three particular vegetables for a while.

September gave me some great spider web photos.

October had a lot of fog.

November gave us what little color we had for Autumn; it was one of the dullest years for tree leaf viewing I can recall. We also celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary.

In December, my husband finished up his project and received recognition from the state for his efforts.

Botetourt Views

I am fortunate to live in what I think is one of the prettiest areas in Virginia. We have lots of hills and everywhere you look, the mountains rise majestically to greet the sky. Here are some view shots I took on Christmas Day.

The view from the side of my father's house

He can see for miles and miles.

The view from my mother-in-law's house.

Moving a little to the left at my mother-in-law's home. My house is to the left and not visible in this shot.

Moving a little to the right from my mother-in-law's home. That's the chicken coop and some of the barns.

The view from my office window.

Moving a little to the right to show my mother-in-law's house on the hill.

The view out the back door.

Nothing Else Even Comes Close

From Sunday Stealing

Let's go!!!Questions for a New Year’s Eve Reflection Meme

From the archives!

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?

 

My husband's award from the Commonwealth.

A. The single best thing that happened this past year to us as a couple was my husband winning the farmer of the year award for implementing a major project on the farm. The single best thing that happened to me personally was overcoming my fear of public speaking and figuring out that I can teach.

   
2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?

A. I had to have gallbladder surgery and have had complications from that which have proved a puzzle to me and to my doctors.

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?

 

A. My husband threw me a surprise 50th birthday party.

  
4. What was an unexpected obstacle?

A. My health.

5. Pick three words to describe 2013.

 

A. Fifty, Thirty, bathroom. (I turned 50, we celebrated 30 years of marriage, and we redid the master bathroom.)

  
6. What were the best books you read this year?

 

A. The Blue Sword, by Robin McKinley, Fried Green Tomatoes, by Fannie Flagg, Sabriel, by Garth Nix, The Shoemaker's Wife, by Adriana Trigiani, This Year You Write Your Novel, by Walter Mosley.

  
7. With whom were your most valuable relationships?

 

A. My husband, my email pal Inga, my friends Leslie, Teresa, Brenda (among others), and my brother.

  
8. What was your biggest personal

change from January to December of this past year?

 

 

A. I lost 25 pounds.

  
9. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?

 

A. I have learned to control myself better when other people fail me.

  
10. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?

 

A. I started reading the Tao Te Ching.

  
11. In what way(s) did you grow physically?

 

A. I shrunk a little bit, see #8.

  
12. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?

 

A. I grew distant from one close friend, for reasons I still don't understand.

  
13. What was the most enjoyable part of your work?

 

A. I loved the writing I did, and I enjoyed creating new courses to offer at the local community college.

  
14. What was the most challenging part of your work?

A. Being "on" so much of the time while in front of people in a classroom. That's hard on an introvert.

15. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?

 

A. Playing video games. Nothing else even comes close.

  
16. What was the best way you used your time this past year?

 

A. Reading and writing.

  
17. What was biggest thing you learned this past year?

A. That death is closer than I think.

18. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2013 for you.

 

A. 2013: the year I turned 50, celebrated 30 years of marriage, and lost another body part.

 

I'm Confusing Myself

Saturday 9: Baby, It's Cold Outside

1) How cold is it where you are? 

A. Colder than a witch's tit, as my father would say. That saying originates from the old days and the times when people who accused women of witchcraft would search for markings on the woman's body that supposedly were used to feed familiars, or from which ol' Scratch himself would feed - a witch's teat. The actual temperature as I write this is 30 degrees Fahrenheit.

2) This familiar song (Baby, It's Cold Outside) was introduced in a 1949 film called Neptune's Daughter. (watch a clip here). Name another movie song.

A. The Sound of Music. The hills are alive ... with the sound of music. Which indeed they are, if you go outside and listen. And you don't even need to go Somewhere Over the Rainbow to stand still and hear.

3) Who was the last person to call you "baby?"

A. My husband. I remember I was standing in a corner at a resort, and he came in and grabbed me and said, "Nobody puts Baby in a corner" and then we did this Dirty Dancing in front of a lot of people. No, wait, I think I'm confusing myself with some movie.

4) This time of year is important to college football fans. Have you watched/will you watch any bowl games? 

A. No. I don't watch football. I am eager to see the Winter Olympics, though.

5)  Are you sad to see the holiday decorations begin to slowly disappear? Or do you think they should all come down right away?

A. I think they should all be down by January 15. But I don't have any feelings about it one way or the other.

6) Did you tell the truth about your weight on your driver's license, or did you shave off a pound or two?

A. I don't recall. Not that it is anyone's business, anyway. And since I can gain a pound just by looking at a cake, there is no steady number to put down anyway.

7) Crazy Sam swears that the Echinacea she takes every morning keeps her healthy. Her boyfriend tells her she's wasting her money. Do you take any herbal supplements?

A. I take quite a few, actually. Vitamins C, D3 & E, a multivitamin, B vitamins, and a probiotic.

 

8) The average restaurant tip in the US is 18%. Are you a generous tipper?

A. Yes. I try to give at least 20 percent. And I calculate it out in my head, not on some calculator on a phone. Last night, for instance, the bill was $33.40. And I figured it out like this: 10 percent of that is $3.34, double that (20 percent) and it's $6.68. So I left a $7 tip. See, you can actually figure stuff out in your brain and leave that stupid phone at home.

9) This is the last Saturday 9 of 2013. Do you know the lyrics to "Auld Lang Syne?"

 

A. Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind? But I like this song by Dan Folgerberg at the end of the year better. "We laughed until we cried," says one line. Shouldn't we all do that sometime in the coming year?

 

Farewell, 2013. I can't say I am sorry to see you go.

Images of Christmas 2013

At my father's house. My brother on the far left, my father with his back to us, my husband behind the tree, my step-niece and step-nephew.

Opening presents at my father's house.

 

My nephew, Trey, my husband (standing) and my sister-in-law, Dina.

My step-mother, Rita, and my father.
 

My step-sister, my step-mother, and my father.

Trey doing what kids do these days, look at those phones.



My handsome nephew.

My mother-in-law, Eunice, and my husband's sister, Jennifer.

My nephew, Emory.

Feeding Time!

My nephews, Chris and Emory, opening presents.

My most excellent spouse.



Nephews opening stuff.

Santa Claus!

My nephew Trey and his girlfriend, Stacy.

My brother, Loren. Handsome devil.

My niece, Zoe.

We had a very nice Christmas, spent with lots of family as you can see. I cooked too much and overdid things a bit considering how poorly I have felt but we all had a nice time. My husband gave me some very nice gifts (he said he had used up all of his brownie points this summer and needed to refill them!). All in all it was a good holiday.

I hope, dear reader, that your holiday was also special and that the new year brings you many blessings and great joy.

Thursday Thirteen #325

I hope you all had a splendid holiday if you celebrate - maybe you're still celebrating?

I thought I'd look back at 2013 today. While it was not the best of years, it could have been worse. Here are some things that happened.

Part of the farm

1. Our farm received the Clean Water Farm Award for our county for 2013. This involved drilling a well, installing miles of fencing to fence off 9 acres of land, and installing water lines from the well to six different watering stations. It was a huge project but the cattle are now fenced out of the ponds and streams on the farm, and those waters will leave our lands pristine and unpolluted. 

My special Santa.

2. I won a lovely Santa Claus statue on December 7. I seldom win things so that made him a special Santa.

3. My journaling class in the spring went very well, and my creative writing class that I taught over the summer showed promise.

4. My writing with The Fincastle Herald, while not increasing as I had hoped, was steady up until I became too ill to work. Hopefully I can get back to that in the new year.

5. I had one article published in a magazine, Roanoke Business.

6. I read or listened to 30 books. This count is down from previous years, as I generally read about 50, or one a week. However, in my defense a lot of these books were nonfiction and/or very long. Also, I have discovered that I don't read as fast when I am on pain medication as I do when I am not. I've also had trouble with my vision.

7. I did not have to have a root canal and I changed dentists, something I should have done years ago. My new dentist is watching the sensitive tooth and she will try first a new filling and then a cap before going to the extreme of a root canal. My old dentist went straight for the root canal, which is why he is now my old dentist.

My walk-in shower has already
proved helpful during my
recent health concerns.

8. We redid the master bathroom. This was a major undertaking that took almost five weeks to complete. It involved tearing out the floor, the bathtub, and the old toilet, and installing new tile flooring, a walk-in shower, and a new toilet. We still need to paint the walls and ceiling.

9. I turned 50 years old. I still can't believe I an antique. Most likely, my life is more than half over.


10. My husband and I celebrated 30 years of marriage.


























11. My gallbladder went kaput, requiring removal, and consequently setting off a chain of health issues that apparently will follow me into 2014, unless a miracle happens in the next six days.

12. I had lunch with my old math teacher from high school, and then finished out the day with a visit with one of my favorite college professors, time spent with wonderful women that left me feeling fine and wonderful for several weeks.

13. We purchased a new bull to service the cows. I haven't been out to photograph him yet.



Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here. I've been playing for a while and this is my 325th time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday.

Merry Christmas!

Dear Readers,

Thank you for spending time with me throughout the year. I appreciate each and every one of you and the time you take to visit with me.

I hope you have a blessed and joyous holiday time. May all your dreams come true.

Best wishes,

Anita

Q&A With Mrs. Claus

It's almost Christmas! In honor of Little Christmas Eve, I present to you my first-ever interview with . . . Mrs. Claus!

Q. Mrs. Claus, thank you for agreeing to this interview. I chose to interview you instead of your husband because I am a staunch believer in the strength of women and women's rights. What are you thoughts on women?

A. Oh, I favor women's rights, too! These are the women's rights Mr. Claus favors: right to make fudge, the right to decorate the tree, the right to cook until their feet hurt. I prefer that women have the same rights as men - they should have a good education, be able to own property, marry whom they please, worship as they wish, be paid the same as a man, and the right to take care of themselves without being told what they can and can't do by a government. Also, everyone deserves good health care. Health care is free for all the elves at the North Pole. And they should be able to drive the sleigh if they want! The oppression in some of these countries is abysmal and growing worse in some of the, shall I say, what used to be more modern countries. I disapprove but I have never been one to interfere.

Q. Don't you think that as a public figure you should speak up?

A. Oh no, I am not that public a figure. My husband gets all of the credit, you know. Never mind that without me those darned elves wouldn't get a thing done. I know how to persuade those little mischief makers to put all their energy into making toys. All the big guy does is "ho ho" this and "ho ho" that. He stands in the spotlight and the cameras flash, but if it wasn't for me do you think his suit would fit? Not at all! That man is rather like Ronald Reagan, only good as a front man to take all the glory while the real work is done behind the scenes.

Q. You sound a little bitter.

A. Bitter? Land's sake, no. I'm not bitter. I've been doing this for centuries now, I'm used to it. It's just that I thought things were improving for women in the 20th century and it's been a bit of a concern to watch progress deteriorate in the new millennium. It's like the world has some kind of elf-rash on its behind and everyone is grumpy. Wait, Grumpy is a dwarf, not an elf. But you know what I mean.

Q. You do not go by your first name. In fact, my records indicate you don't have one. Some countries call you Mother Christmas. Doesn't this negate your personhood?

A. You bet your sweet bippy it does! My real name is Joan. Like Joan de Arc. I don't know where these other names came from. Jessica, they called me in that claymation show with the burgermeister meisterburgers. I mean, really. Where did they come up with that name? But I was a teacher before I married Mr. Claus - at least most of the shows have that part right. I think teaching is a noble profession. Those people who have fussed about teachers in the last few years deserve nothing but coal in their stockings. And that's a fact! They should remember I have access to the naughty-nice list.

Q. Our time is almost up. I appreciate your taking time out of your busy schedule to visit with me. Is there anything else you'd like to say before we wrap this up?

A. Yes! Be nice to one another. Stop all of this sniping, whining, and whinging, and be good boys and girls. Some of you may have to dig deep for it, but there is goodness there. So find it, for goodness sake! Do you know the naughty list grows longer every year? Every member of Congress is on it! Every single one! And some of those boys and girls were such nice young people, too. It's a shame, really. And as for you, young lady, I am watching you. You're not a bad sort and you're certainly not on the naughty list, but you live too much in your head. Next year I'm going to be watching you personally for some indication you are working on your feeling capacity. Not because you're a woman, but because you're human. Changing and growth is important even at your age.

Q. So I have been good? That's nice to know. I will work on myself in the new year, I promise. Our time is up, so any last words?

A. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

A Quick and Logical Leap

From Sunday Stealing

A Christmas Meme

1.The Christmas song I can listen to even in June is...

A. Winter Wonderland. I suppose that's more like a winter song than a Christmas song. I like Angels We Have Heard on High as a Christmas song.


2.Hot Chocolate, Egg Nog or Mulled wine?
A. Hot chocolate all the way, baby.

3.When do you put your decorations up?

A. Usually sometime after Thanksgiving but before December 10.

4. What are you having for Christmas dinner?

A. Turkey, ham, shrimp.

5.What is your favorite Christmas tradition?

A. When my brother and I were small, we were allowed to exchange presents on Christmas Eve. We continue to do this today most years.

6. Have you ever gone Carol singing?

A. Yes I have, actually. But it was a very long time ago.

7. When did you learn the truth about Santa?

A. I was six when I figured it out. Want to know how? It was all the tooth fairy's fault. She'd been leaving me 50 cent pieces, and one day when I was dusting (I had chores, I don't know if six-year-old children have chores these days), I ran across my mother's stash of 50 cent pieces. Being the precocious and smart girl I am, I immediately leapt to the conclusion that my mother was the tooth fairy. From there I made the quick and logical leap to no Easter Bunny or Santa Claus, either. I confronted my mother and she confessed, but asked me to keep the game up for my brother.

8. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?

A. We throw things at it. No, really, it is a process. First we put the thing together and fluff it out. Check the lights (we have a pre-lit one these days), then add garland. Hang balls and ornaments. Then comes tinsel. My husband puts the tinsel on one string at a time, I like to clump it on, which he hates, so I usually let him do the tinsel.

9. What's the best thing about Christmas?

A. I like that it still has some magic to it and people are a little nicer. It gives us an excuse to be good and kind.

10. All I want for Christmas is... 
A. Echoing what I wrote yesterday, I will say good health. You just don't know how important that is until you lose it.

I Slept Through Much of It

SATURDAY 9: HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

1. If you could ask Santa for anything at all, right now, what would it be?

A. Good health.

2. Are you currently on the Naughty or Nice list? How did you get there?

A. Nice. I haven't done anything bad or wrong.

3. Are you traveling this Christmas? If so, are you going by car, plane or train?

A. I never travel at Christmas.

4. Did you buy yourself a gift this year?

A. Yes. I bought myself a copy of The Hobbit, Part 1. The Extended Director's Cut Edition.

5. What's your favorite holiday-themed movie or TV special? Have you seen it yet this year?

A. It isn't Christmas without Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. I've seen it twice (although I slept through much of it the second time around).

6. Which do you prefer: candy canes or gingerbread?

A. Gingerbread

7. Close your eyes and tell us the first carol that comes to mind.

A. Angels We Have Heard on High

8. What's your favorite winter beverage?

A. I like hot cider.

9. What will you remember most about 2013?
A. Turning 50 and then having my gallbladder out, and then subsequently not recovering well from the surgery and learning I had multiple ulcers in my poor tummy. I have been unwell to the point of having to stop working so I could focus on nothing else but trying to get well (which so far isn't working).  It certainly wasn't the way I'd planned to spend the last half of this year, nor is it the way I want to greet 2014.

Thursday Thirteen

Christmas is coming and will have gone by the time the next Thursday Thirteen rolls around.

This year, for reasons I won't go into, I have a lot to think about as the holidays draw near. Some of these thoughts are heavy, others not, but the ol' brain cells have been clicking away.

The holiday season for some is warm and cuddly; for others, a lonely time. Some find it divisive, a way of separating those who keep varying traditions, forcing like to consort with like, as it were.

I grew up in the mostly secular traditions of the holiday, with the Coca Cola Santa, Rudolph, and Frosty the Snowman. Baby Jesus was a part of the deal, but Santa Claus and presents was the real reason for the season. I feel this was the tradition of both of my grandparents' households, as well - traditions in play for about a century. We sang carols and had a manger scene, but the birth of Christ was given equal weight with St. Nick, the Christmas tree, and spiked egg nog.

Frankly, I see nothing wrong with that type of celebrating. Of course I would not find it offensive, having been brought up in that tradition. My husband's family also leaned in that direction, so he and I were able to blend our traditions without trouble. I don't care if someone wishes me Merry Christmas or says Happy Holidays. I'm a live and let live sort of gal.

No matter how you celebrate, or what you celebrate, I think there are things to ponder and contemplate about the season, life lessons to be learned, perhaps, that other times of the year do not offer.

1. The art of giving. Gift-giving is a special art, one that requires thought and time. These days it's become somewhat mundane - there isn't much thought in a gift card. Giving a well-thought-out present can be a unique experience.

2. The art of receiving. Just as finding or creating that special present for someone you care about has its own rewards, so too does being the recipient of a gift. Learning to accept a gift you may not want or need is a tactful lesson we all should master.

3. Helping others. At this time of year, with cold winds making bones ache and walls feel thin, it is especially crucial to remember those who have less.

4. Keeping rituals. Traditions are important, and those that exist within each household are as important as any other. Whether it's baking cookies, using special plates, or having certain items on the menu, creating and keeping rituals allows us to bond. In our house, my brother and I were allowed to exchange gifts on Christmas Eve. We do that still to this day.

5. Keeping old memories alive. My brother and I frequently reminisce during Christmas about the holidays gone by. No one but he and I will ever know those childhood legacies and the things we experienced together growing up. Only I share the knowledge of the Rock-'em Sock- 'em Robots, the Legos, and the Erector set.

6. Making new memories. Each year when my brother brings his family to my doorstep, we make new memories that encircle his children, too, as they share in those long-remembered joys. My circle of family has dwindled as folks have passed away, but each year is a new measure of what we bring to one another.

7. Enhancing spirituality. I think humans are, by definition, spiritual creatures. This spirituality may be celebrated with a religion such as Christianity, in nature worship, or other ways, but I think even atheists have spiritual bonds that need tending in some fashion. The holiday season reminds us to address this basic need and to take steps to keep holy that which makes us whole.

8. Appreciating beauty. One of the loveliest things about a Christmas tree is that it brings light and sparkle to an otherwise drab time of year. When things are at their most dormant, we bring in evergreens to remind us that life goes on and spring will return to us in time.

9. Believe you can do anything. During this season, you can become a secret elf, make dreams come true, be the superwoman taking care of a job and the home all the while making it look easy. Believe in yourself. You can do it!

10. Appreciating food. Let's face it, it's time to eat! Cookies, cakes, fudge - good desserts and bad, confront us during the holiday season. Taking time to appreciate a little of a good thing is a great way to enjoy the holiday without overindulging and needing the Pepto Bismal.

11. Learning the value of things. Perhaps we have too many things in this day and age, but some things still have value to us. For some people, a gift is their love language - that's how they know someone loves them. For those folks, the gift may not be very big eloquent, just a little something that says, "I thought of you and I love you." Gifts need not be flashy and expensive.

12. Be good for goodness sake. The song says this, right? But being good because it is the right thing to do is important, and something we should strive for all year long.

13. Feel the magic. I put this last not because it is least, but because it is the one thing I hope you remember. The season creates its own sense of magical delight, with whispers and giggles. That joy we find in one another's company can be recreated throughout the year if we so wish. Life is special, and we only have this one magical, splendid time. So I wish for you, dear reader, a magical life, from this day forth.


Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of my readers, far and near. May your days be blessed and your life full of joy.




Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here. I've been playing for a while and this is my 324th time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday.

I Won Something

On Saturday, December 7, my husband and I went shopping. We stuck to local small businesses. Many were having open house events, with refreshments and door prizes.

Cackleberry Ridge in Troutville was one of the businesses with door prizes. The store is a gift shop full of statues, Boyds Bears, Amish furniture, garden flags, and other decorative items.

Imagine my surprise when I received a phone call the following Monday and learned I had won the door prize. I had registered but didn't even know what the prize was.

Turned out it was a very nice prize, indeed!

I received a Jim Shore Santa, called "Here We Come iCaroling." He is a beautiful Santa, very handsome and colorful.

Thank you, Cackleberry's, for my wonderful prize! Shop local when you can, it supports your friends and neighbors.


(I am sorry they don't have a website I can send you to so you can see the store for yourself, dear reader.)

A Broken System

Health care is all in the news, mostly over the Affordable Health Care Act (what some foolishly call Obamacare). Mostly the complaining is about cost and money, because that is, after all, the god we worship in the U.S.A.

But the system is completely broken *because* it is all about money here. Doctors do not heal. They don't even fix. They aren't even taught how to think about fixing or curing. If a pill doesn't fix you, you are in big trouble in this country.

A long time ago, before money became the mantra and the buzzword of this world, doctors did try to heal you up. They tried to find the problems and they worked for some sort of solution to ensure some type of quality of life.

Is quality of life even a consideration anymore? I don't think it is - it's more about how much money someone has and how long they can drain you dry.

Thirty years ago, when you went to the emergency room with some sort of intangible problem, you were admitted and doctors worked tests and looked at you until a solution was found. Today, you go to the emergency room and if you aren't dying, they send you home. Nobody bothers to figure out the problem. They decide you will live another day and send you to your primary care doctor.

Your primary care doctor doesn't know how to cure you. All he or she knows how to do is hand out an antibiotic and a blood pressure pill and that's about it.* So that doctor sends you on round after round of "specialists." These doctors see you as a hand, or a foot, a set of lungs, or a colon.

None of the doctors see you as a whole person. They don't care what you do with your day, or how you spend your time, or if anyone at all loves you and would have a broken heart if they lost you. To them you're just a body part and a dollar sign.

Am I being unfair? Am I not giving these good people enough credit for wanting to cure people? Yes, I am being unfair. This is the system as it is now and it is the system we as a society have accepted for reasons that I cannot fathom. Apparently we think it is fine that health care revolves around not care but money. And any system that revolves around money and not people is inherently unfair and always will be. The health care system is not fair and hasn't been since insurance companies became part of the picture and then began playing doctor.

Why is it okay for some 18-year-old on an insurance company's payroll to question the wisdom of these mighty healers? When did this become an acceptable practice? Why does cost matter so much than a life? Why does that stupid green dollar bill have more value than I do, a thinking, feeling flesh-and-blood, completely irreplaceable person?

Everyone whines about the Affordable Health Care Act like it has caused the problem, but all the AHCA had done is place a very tiny little bandage on an incredibly broken system. Our premiums have been going up and the coverage down for 25 years, before Obama was even out of college. The AHCA isn't going to change anything. Only a change in attitudes and a change in the heart of this evil, rotten, demented society we have created will change things. I don't see that happening as long as we stand at the altar of the great god of capitalism.

I want a health care system that cares about people first. I want a nation and a world that cares about people first. I don't want to live in the "best state for business" I want to live in the best state for people. I want to live in a world where the air we breathe matters, where having "stuff" is secondary to who we are, and who we are as a society are a mass of individuals who have great empathy and a little sympathy with one another.

Screw the almighty dollar and the health care system that only cares about you if you have money. There has to be a better way. We're smart people. So why do we act so stupid?




*Added later: I like my primary care doctor and think she does a good job. But because of the way the system is set up, I don't think she can do the job like she would like to. I trust her as my primary care doctor, but the system penalizes us both for wanting to make me better, in my opinion.