This morning, an author I follow asked a question that went something like this: If you don't buy my book, would you mind telling me why?
A few people had answered, most having to do with money.
This author writes self-help books about a particularly traumatizing topic. I have never bought her book, but I have read articles she's written. I have followed her page for a long time (years), and never commented.
I thought about her question and decided to give an honest answer, and I admit this was hard for me to write, but it was the truth. "I haven't bought your book because I don't want to relive the things I have gone through."
The rest of this is paraphrased; you'll see why at the end.
A little later, I saw that she had responded thusly: "That's a false assessment."
This irritated me and I felt it was, well, cruel and certainly not empathetic. Who is she to tell me what may or may not trigger me when I'm dealing with something traumatic? I noted that one person had given my comment the little "cares" thing on Facebook and on the author's response, someone had put the little "wow" emoji.
I wrote back. "That's a really crappy answer to give to someone who is trying to be helpful to you. And don't bother blocking me because I'm unfollowing you."
I immediately unfollowed her, but because she responded back with my name, it popped up as something I could see if I clicked on the notice. I didn't realize that would happen. I don't have confrontations like this enough to know.
Anyway, I clicked to see what she'd written.
She wrote back: "A little touchy, aren't we? My book would teach you something. It's still a false assessment."
I wrote back: "You shouldn't ask questions if you don't want to know the answer."
She wrote back: "You sound just like the mean people I write about."
I wrote back: "Oh wow, good job! Insult and name calling all at the same time. Nice of you to let your readers see what you're really like. I'm done here. Peace to you."
And then I blocked her, so I wouldn't see if she responded anymore, and later I went back into my archives and deleted everything I'd commented, because I couldn't go to her page since I'd blocked her.
Which is why I had to paraphrase this entire conversation, because I blocked her and then deleted my comments.
Was I in the wrong here, to take offense at her lack of sensitivity, when she's a self-help author writing about a sensitive topic?
You gave her an honest answer and she did not like it. She lost readers by her insensitivity to your pain of your past. I have said the same thing to a friend leading a group. I told her I was at a good place and did not want to go back to my past pain. She was nice and said okay. I am not taking another class with her and a book on emotions.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I am just ready now. She was not professional in her response.
That was a terrible comment by the author. She asked for why people weren't buying her books, and you gave her an answer. She was supposed to thank you and move on. She can disagree in private with your comment, but it was your opinion, and bullying you was not going to change your mind. After your response and unfollow, she should have let the whole thing drop. So, no, you're not "TA". How do they say it? NTA. I think that's it.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't want the answer, don't ask the question. I wonder if she isn't new to this writing thing. When I was in advertising, we gave the client three prospective solutions for every assignment. The client chose one. That means that 2/3 of my work was designed to be thrown away. That hardened me. She needs a little hardening.
ReplyDelete