Thursday Thirteen

Here are some things I've learned after 38+ years of marriage (39 in a few months. Eek!).

1. Each person needs his/her own space. Whether that's a craft room, the garage, or a closet, each person needs a little spot to call their own.

2. Two bathrooms resolve a lot of issues.

3. We still sleep together in a queen bed, but I would not look down upon any couple that opted for twin beds with conjugal visits. Invariably, somebody takes the covers in the night when you share.

4. Having hobbies or common interests helps. Gardening is a good one; that gives exercise and food, and hopefully few fights over where to plant the peas.

5. Speaking of fighting, make up rules before the fights begin - and follow them. Allow for someone to call a time-out during a fight. We have a code word that means all discussion must stop for an hour. Then if we want to start again, we can, but we rarely do. After an hour, whatever you were arguing about is usually irrelevant. (Our code word is hasenpfeffer, from the Bugs Bunny show.)

6. Learn your partner's love language. If you don't know about love languages, which are: 

Words of affirmation, Quality time, Physical touch, Acts of service, and Receiving gifts, read the book or just look it up on the internet as there is much about it there. Some people respond to multiple love languages.

7. It also helps to figure out if your partner is an extrovert or introvert. Once you understand that, then you'll know why you don't go to parties together. Or at all.

8. Support one another in whatever the other person is doing. Acknowledge the good; ignore the bad. (It's easier said than done.)

9. Trust your partner unless there is a solid reason not to do so. 

10. Be there in sickness and in health. It is hard to become a caregiver if a spouse becomes ill, but sometimes that is what is called for at that time. 

11. Discuss finances periodically and be sure you're both on the same page regarding expenditures and savings. If you're not, examine the budget and see where the common ground is, and then try to remedy concerns.

12. Don't hover and expect all of your partner's attention. Each person should have his or her own friends. You can have couple friends, too, of course, but there's nothing wrong with each person having a separate set of friends. In fact, it's probably healthy to do that.

13. Always keep learning. Learn about the world, but also learn about your partner. People change every day, and maybe your partner no longer likes meatloaf or whatever. Maybe the person no longer likes his/her job and needs a career change but hasn't said anything. Be alert and ask questions, but back off if you don't get answers. Marriage is very long fine and tender dance.

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Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here if you want to read other Thursday Thirteens and/or play along. I've been playing for a while, and this is my 764th time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday. Or so sayth the Blogger counter, anyway.