This is a list of things to think about before committing to a relationship, especially marriage or living together.
1. Money. How does each person handle finances? Are you both thrifty? Both in debt?
2. Children. Does each person want children?
3. Health. Does one or the other person have health issues? Does the healthy person understand the person who is not the healthiest?
4. Physical attractiveness. Does this matter to either person? If one person puts on 30 pounds, will there be problems?
5. Sexual appetite. Some need it, some don't. Is there compatibility there?
6. Travel. Does one person want to travel while the other doesn't?
7. Chores. In this day and age, household chores should be split, particularly if both parties work in jobs outside the home (or have inside offices with 8-hour jobs).
8. Politics. Does each party have strong opinions about particular facets of the political arena? Are differences insurmountable? Can there be agreement not to discuss differences?
9. Boundaries. Each person should have personal space and boundaries. Along with this, at what point would one person or the other walk out? If one person slaps the other, is that the end game? (Abuse should never be tolerated by anyone, but it should not be met with violence. Just leave.)
10. Pets. Maybe one person likes cats and the other likes dogs. How does that work?
11. Religion. Does each person have a faith that is similar? Are both agnostics? Can any deep-seated beliefs be acknowledged and handled by both persons?
12. Mental Health. Does each person have a grip on reality? Does one drink too much, or use drugs? Are there are other mental health concerns, such as depression?
13. Where to live. Is location important to one person and not the other? Does one like the beach and the other the mountains?
None of these problems are insurmountable, but healthy adults should enter relationships knowing if any of these issues may prove troublesome.
Do you have any tips for relationships?
Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here if you want to read other Thursday Thirteens and/or play along. I've been playing for a while and this is my 710th time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday. Or so sayth the Blogger counter, anyway.
For me it was all about the chemistry, the philosophical alignments and respect. The rest got worked out and we're still working it out.
ReplyDeleteGreat Thirteen! The bottom line is to KNOW someone before marrying or moving in, or before having a child with that person! Food preferences can cause problems too. If one person is vegan and the other wants to grill a steak... Find out these things BEFORE you fall in love. For instance, if he hates dogs, I wouldn't even want him for a friend! How do they like to spend their time off, or after a long day of work? Sit in front of the television, play video games, take a walk, read a book...? A lot can be worked around, but there are deal breakers right off. There are also the little things that add up over time you didn't think would matter. My deal breakers would be politics, religion, pets. Oh, mental health! That's a good one to mention. What are their feelings towards therapy in general? Do they think mental health issues = crazy/insane? Again, get to know someone! And never, ever, think you can change him or her! If he or she does not want children, do NOT plan on "surprising" them "because they'll love it when it's here."
ReplyDeleteI was married for nearly 30 years (I am a widow), which does not make me an expert, but I do know about compromise and my deal breakers!
30 lbs? Oh dear, I've put on more than that!
This is really a great list that I don't think too many really think about. I know I didn't, so I got lucky!
ReplyDeletehttp://inmywords.kimdeister.com/2021/06/10/thursday-13-for-the-love-of-a-house/
Those are great tips! The only thing I would add is habits, for example, drinking, going out, snoring, smoking, snacking, or any habit, good or bad. It's a shame they don't teach this in school.
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