Sometimes I look back over my life and wonder what I have done with it. What have I accomplished?
It's easy to count the thing I didn't accomplish. I didn't have children, which is the big one in the eyes of many folks (including myself). That makes me a DNA failure because I couldn't conceive.
Otherwise, though, I've had a good marriage.
We're not eating cat food for lunch. (I worry about this, that in my old age I will be reduced to eating cat food. I have no idea why it bothers me.)
We have a house that we built with our own four hands, my husband and me. I'm not sure many folks these days can say they did that, raised their own house up and nailed and painted and everything else it takes to build a house.
I have three college degrees. That was a lot of work and something that has helped me in many areas of life, from the way I approach people to the way I think about politics and life.
I worked in the legal profession for over 10 years.
The thing that stands out, though, are the lines. The lines of written words that I have published or shoved in a drawer.
Hundreds of thousands of them. Just not in a novel form. Put them all together, though, and there are thousands of pages.
I began publishing articles in local publications in 2004. I have estimated that over the years I have published about 7,500 articles for various newspapers and magazines. At 500 words each, which is a low estimate, that's 3.75 million words.
That is a lot of words. A book is about 300,000 words. So had I been writing books, I'd have written about 12 books, give or take.
This blog has 4,635 published posts. Many of those are photos more so than paragraphs or stories, but that's still a lot of posts. I've been posting in this particular blog since August 2006. That will be 15 years this summer.
All in all, not a bad showing, if one looks at all of these lines I've written over the years.
I don't think I'm finished, though.
Still other lines to come.
Just because you did not have children does not make you a DNA failure. Our DNA comes from our parents, so put the blame in past generations. We just have to deal with the cards we are dealt with the best we can. Your writings are more than "just words". They are the very essence of your soul and always have been. It is your "love" of life so to speak. Always true, concise and to the point. On a side note, you have never been a failure as a big sister. You have always excelled in that arena. There were/are/will be times you are a total ass, but as your brother I expect that and relish in the fact I get to be the only one to experience all of that. But that is my right as your baby brother!! Love ya much Sis! :)
ReplyDeleteThree hundred thousand words would be a very long book. Novels average 50,000 to 110,000 words. You can do that.
ReplyDeleteAs a childless woman, I get this. So does my friend Joanna. In fact, we bonded over it. I was turning 60, she was just ahead of me. We were having dinner at a tapas restaurant and as the mariachi band began tuning up, I found we weren't as far away from them as I would have liked. Anyway, I missed part of what she'd said and responded with the always clever, "What?" She thought I was shocked by what she'd said. She'd referenced her "second divorce." She's learned to be ashamed of being twice-divorced and childless. I, on the other hand, am treated like a freak for being a barren spinster. We are childless for different specific reasons -- my inability to conceive, her painful miscarriage -- but neither was 100% our choice.
ReplyDeleteMy minister gave a moving sermon, more than 5 years ago now, that I still remember. It was about childbearing. He counseled us to be compassionate when considering abortion rights, that for every woman who is heartbroken because she wants a child and can't have one, there's another woman who is desperate because she's pregnant with a child she knows she can't care for. That pain, helplessness and depression are the common denominators and we should be less judgemental and more loving with the women we meet. It's true. We don't know a woman's story when we learn her superficial facts.
I only share this here to let you know you aren't alone in this very BIG thing.