2. Trying to forgive someone you don't even know simply for existing (which is basically what I am doing, I guess), can be a bit crazy-making.
3. Forgiveness is a multi-step process and it can take a long time. For example, if someone abused you badly, it might be difficult to forgive them.
4. The process is really about yourself, though. The fact that I can't stand #45 doesn't bother him. It bothers me.
5. So first, I have to acknowledge what it is about the person or incident that bothers me. In this case, it would be that the leader of the country is a bully, an ingrate, unbalanced, a bigot, a racist, a dictator-wannabe, loud, and uncouth. Among other things.
6. Then I have to clarify why these personality traits or foibles or whatever one wants to call them bothers me. In my case, #45 reminds me a lot of someone I knew when I was younger. I also simply find him distasteful and stupid (in a smart sort of way) and I have trouble with those qualities in people.
7. I have to own my distress over his actions . . . and then let them go. While his actions have affected me personally - we've lost money because of his trade wars, for example, because the prices of cattle are lower than they were even during the Great Recession - I have to acknowledge that this is how things are and accept that we will have to make do with less through no fault of my own.
8. Another thing one must do when practicing forgiveness is give up the expectation of change. Susan Collins voted not to impeach because she thought #45 had learned his lesson. He didn't learn a thing. So I have no expectations from this man except that the basement will become deeper and things will become worse. There is no bottom with this type of personality.
9. Another thing one must do is not take it personally. He didn't intend for me to lose money with his trade wars, right? Right? Although those distribution of funds from the least to those who already have too much was a slick trick with that so-called "tax cut" and these latest coronavirus "relief" packages.
10. When I read about the latest event/tweet/rally insanity, I have to try to find a way to cope. This should be a positive way of doing it. Sometimes I call a friend and and say, "Did you see what that ##$@#%@# did today?" That may not be so positive although it does help. Better, though, to watch without judgment and see what lasting impact the actions have. Some things are simply stupid beyond belief but have little impact upon me. Things like deregulations of pollution controls, for example, will impact me (and everybody else, really) because I have asthma. Having the cement plant down the road roiling its dusty smoke out across the valley is not good for my health. So these types of activities will require additional thought and I will have to find ways to circumvent them. Maybe I will have to purchase another air purifier, but that will make my electricity bill go up.
11. So then I have to try to forgive the impact upon myself, like the lost money and additional costs, that I can attribute to the person I'm trying to forgive for existing and not being the person I feel I need right now. Like I said, it's an ongoing affair.
12. The next thing I do is wish this person peace of mind. He seems very infantile and very insecure. The way he sits in meetings with his arms wrapped around himself indicts such insecurities and lack of openness of self and mind that it is kind of sad. I hope he finds some way to fix himself, although I strongly suspect he isn't interested in that. That's me being judgmental, though, so I shouldn't think that. Maybe he falls asleep at night reading self-help books.
13. Lastly, when I've had all I can take, I step away. I am trying very hard here to do something quite difficult, and it very tiring. Sometimes I simply have to take a break.
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Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here if you want to read other Thursday Thirteens and/or play along. I've been playing for a while and this is my 660th time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday. Or so sayth the Blogger counter, anyway.
I spent a year once, focusing on forgiveness and learning what it meant... you're right forgive, and forget are very different. Desmond Tutu's book taught me much. On my post today I link to a great talk by Brenne Brown about our current situation, it's anxiety and how she views he who must not be named. I thought it was a great description. After hearing yesterday he thinks the Rebel generals were winners, and remembering that he called McCain a loser, illuminated a lot.
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteTo Forgive and forget is really hard to do.
Have a great day!
I personally can't work on that until he's out. Kind of like suck out the poison and then work on healing. I do have to take breaks though and remember the present of my own life.
ReplyDeleteWow. You're a good woman to find a way to forgive the oaf. That has yet to cross my mind. I doubt it ever will.
ReplyDelete