Thursday Thirteen

Yesterday afternoon I had a great conversation on the phone with my brother. When I hung up, I was smiling. It was an intelligent discussion of events of the day. While we vote differently on the political scale, ultimately we think alike. I find this to be true of most people. The differences are how we get to where we all think we should be, I think.

At any event, one of the things that struck me after we talked was how much I consider my brother to be not only my brother, but my friend. Would we be friends if we weren't siblings? I don't know. I'm not sure where we would have met, as we run in very different circles. But he is my friend, and it means a lot to know that I've not only a brother but a friend.

Friends have always had important roles in my life. I do not take my friendships lightly. If I call someone a friend (and I don't mean in the Facebook way), then that person is special in my life. My friends are people I have deep feelings for, and people I trust.

I try very hard to be a good friend in return, but I am only human, and just as my friends sometimes fail me, I am sure I fail them. Humans are not perfect beings and no one person can be everything for someone else. But it's good to remind myself that there are steps I can take to ensure relationships flow smoothly. Or smoother. Or something.

Anyway, 13 ways to be a good friend. A reminder for myself.

1. Be dependable. A friend should keep his or her word, because this creates stability and predictability, which goes a long way toward keeping a relationship going. Of course there will be times when things come up because life is messy and stuff happens, but on the whole, dependability is important.

2. Be sincere. Don't be someone else, or pretend to be someone else, when I'm with a friend. If I'm having a great day or crappy day, I should be open enough with my friend to be honest about it. If I hide the fact that things are going wrong - or right - then I'm doing my friend a disservice.

3. Be loyal. I'm not talking about swearing total loyalty to a friend. If a friend breaks the law then of course one must do the right thing and turn in #45. But a good friend keeps confidences. I should stand by my friend's side through whatever weather, and my friend should stand by me when the roles reverse - and the roles will reverse.

4. Be honest. Lying doesn't help anyone, plus who can keep track of things if you lie about it?

5. Acknowledge you're both human. Sometimes there will be missteps. Shit happens, and sometimes it smells or it gets stepped in, and neither is pleasant. But it is important to know that once the stink clears, I'll still be your friend.

6. Be respectful. I shouldn't make fun of my friends if they believe things that I don't (well, if you're a flat-earther I might not be able to help myself, but we're probably not friends anyway). My friends should do the same (and if I become a flat-earther, somebody hold an intervention, please).

7. Be generous. I should give my friend my time and my resources (within reason). Time, especially, is important. Friends should talk or text frequently, and I should help my friend meet whatever needs he or she may have, if I can.

8. Be protective. I should look out for my friend, and defend him or her against anyone who might say something negative or bad about my friend. Additionally, I should feel safe in my friend's presence at all times.

9. Give back. I should give back to my friend as much as I get from the relationship, or try to. There will of course be times when a friend is more needy or less needy than I might be, but so long as we each step up when necessary, the scales should stay close to balanced.

10. Do not hold grudges. I should forgive my friend for past mistakes, and hopefully be forgiven for my own errors in judgment. That goes back to the being human thing.

11. Show empathy. This is so important these days. Empathy means understanding or taking the time to understand how someone may be feeling. We can't know everything a person is going through, of course, so it is important to remember that we're all fighting our own battles and inner demons (and sometimes outer ones, too).

12. Listen. This is important, too. Listen to hear and understand what a friend is saying, not to immediately formulate an objection or express your own opinion. I should reiterate what my friend said to be sure that I understand. "I heard you say that . . . " is a good way to ensure you're both on the same page.

13. Be courteous. I should always be respectful and courteous of my friends and not take advantage of him or her. I should open doors, carry loads, offer him or her a seat. I certainly should not curse my friend (although I might curse WITH my friend) or otherwise offend him or her.

I'm sure there are other things but that's 13. What do you do to ensure you keep your friends and yourself happy in a relationship?

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Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here if you want to read other Thursday Thirteens and/or play along. I've been playing for a while and this is my 616th time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday. Or so sayth the Blogger counter, anyway.