Thursday Thirteen

Sunday marks my 35th wedding anniversary. That is a long time to be married - not many folks can say their marriage lasts that long.

So, 13 things to make a marriage work, in no particular order.

1. Learn to say, "Yes dear." This can solve a lot of arguments, even if you don't agree. Just saying, "Yes dear," will shut the other person up and you can move on to what you really want to do, which is watch the NASCAR race or something. (This one is mostly good for men, I think.)

2. Be friends. I'm not sure how anyone can be married to someone they are not also friends with, but it happens. If you don't like to play gin rummy with your marriage partner, or sit down and talk about politics or the weather or whatever, or you simply don't like to spend time with them, I don't give you much chance of having a long-lasting relationship.

3. Respect each other. Respect your partner's time, their heritage, their opinions, their families, their jobs, etc. Treat them like you would a friend (see #2).

4. Ignore the socks in the floor, the pants draped across the bed, or whatever it is that is your pet peeve about your significant other. If it doesn't matter in 100 years, it isn't worth an argument or festering anger.

5. Be individuals and don't suffocate each other. Let each person have his or her own hobby, job, or extracurricular activity (so long as it's not infidelity, of course).

6. Be loyal to one another. Don't bad mouth your spouse to your friends or family. Take up for him or her when necessary. (Well, don't go talk to his boss or anything, that's silly.)

7. Understand there will be tests for which you did not study, even if they are unintentional. For example, if the woman asks, "Does this make me look fat?" that's actually a test, and the response is always, "no" even if it makes her look like a hippo in a tutu. You might find a way to tactfully suggest something else, like, "no, but I really prefer you that black skirt, it turns me on."

8. Be there for the hard times. You can't live with someone for 35 years without there being hard times. That includes family deaths or divorces, illnesses, stupid relatives, and elections of presidents who are totally not in sync with your values. You have to stick together.

9. Hold hands. We hold hands all the time, even when we're watching TV. We fall asleep holding hands. We hold hands in the store when we're shopping. Touch is important. Do it a lot.

10. Find what you have in common and nourish that. Maybe you both like to play Scrabble. Or cook. Or watch certain TV shows. Or garden. Or watch the deer outside the window. Or listen to music. Or religion. Whatever it is, be in that moment, together.

11. Don't worry about the small stuff. It really is all small stuff until somebody sticks a hand in a hay baler or gets bleeding ulcers. Then you're back to #8. 

12. Love each other. Love is different from being friends. It goes deeper, it lasts forever, and it means that you forgive all the stupid little things. That doesn't mean love isn't breakable - I think it can be broken and lessened and demeaned if you're not careful. So be careful with the one you love.

13. Put your marriage above everything else - your job, your children, the laundry. The kids will grow up, your job will change, and the laundry will never end. But the marriage always needs nurturing and care.

That's my thirteen for today. Be cool everyone.


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Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here if you want to read other Thursday Thirteens and/or play along. I've been playing for a while and this is my 578th time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday. Or so sayth the Blogger counter, anyway.