Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing

This is stuff from Australia, courtesy of one of the Sunday Stealers who lives in Australia. Some of the things I looked up, some I didn't.


1. Where to you land on the subject of vegemite? What is the optimum butter/vegemite ratio? Do you also eat Promite or Marmite or do you see these yeast spreads as something akin to treason?

A. I think this is where I land on Vegemite: Lucy on Vitameatavegamine.

2. Who was your favourite Prime Minister of the last ten years? (There have been five – choose wisely.)

A. I'm going to go with Kevin Rudd.

3.  Are you a Monarchist or a Republican? Why?

A. I googled this and couldn't find anything to explain to me what this means in Australia. But I'm going to go with Monarchist. 

4.  What do you think of our current head of state?

A. As best I can tell, that is Queen Elizabeth of England. She's had a long run at it.

5.  What are your feelings on compulsory voting.

A. I think it is a good thing and I wish it were that way in the United States.

6.  What is your favourite footy food?

A. I am making an assumption that has to do with sports, so I'll say potato chips.

7.  Your Nana is having her 80th catered for by the CWA. What CWA standards are you looking forward to at the spread? The Victoria Sponge? Yoyos? Asparagus Rolls? Brandy Snaps?

A. Not the asparagus rolls. But the Brandy snaps are divine.

8. What do you do on ANZAC Day?

A. Have a bit of meat on the barby.

9.  Discuss the merits of budgie smugglers.

A. They have no merits, not a single one.

10. What is outside your back door? Gumboots or thongs?

A. Nothing. I keep my shoes in the garage.

11. As a kid you were given 20 cents for pick and mix. What will be in your bag? Teeth? Spearmint leaves? Gobstoppers? Freckles?

A. A Milky Way bar and a Grape Nehi.

12.  Redbacks or Huntsmen?

A. Huntsmen.

13.   The Mullet. Discuss.

A. They are overfished and more regulations are needed to protect the 16 difference species.

14.   Kath or Kim?

A. Katy.

15. Cricket – which code do your follow? Why? Do you think that 20/20 games are sacrilege?

A. Don't follow sports at all, sorry.

16.   Football. Which code do you follow? Do you have an opinion about Collingwood or Essendon?

A. Same answer. Not a sports fan.

17.   Do you agree that the lyrics to Khe Sahn should be on the citizenship test? Do you know the words to Khe Sahn?

A. I don't think the lyrics to anything should be on any citizenship test regardless of the country.

18. What is your favourite public holiday? If you're in Victoria, which do you prefer? The day off before the AFL Grand Final or Melbourne Cup Day?

A. Oh, Melbourne Cup Day all the way.

19.   What do you do at Christmas? Ham sandwich on the beach? Seafood and salad next to the pool? Endure a full English roast with all the trimmings when the thermometer is pushing 35 degrees centigrade outside?

A. If I can change the seafood to something I'm not allergic to (chicken?), then let's sit next to the pool.

20.  Ford or Holden?

A. Ford.

21.  What is the best Australian invention ever? (And yes, the Hills Hoist can be mentioned)

A. Scratch-resistant plastic lens for glasses.

22.   Describe the following:

    Fairy bread - little crumbs the fairies pick up after you go to sleep at night.
    Lamingtons - isn't this the elven bread that Frodo and Sam ate in Lord of the Rings?
    Chiko rolls - chicken rolled up in cabbage.
    Snot blocks - daycare centers.

23.  What are the following traditional items found in all Australian homes?

    Dead horse - this seems self-explanatory. Great-grandpa's horsie all set up and ready to ride. Taxidermist must be a great job in Australia.
    Hills Hoist - This would be the same thing as a kitchen mixer, I presume
    A slab - ready-made coffin so that when you go all you have to do is lay down and they close the lid
    A ute - a form of guitar, like a lute but without the "l" - so I presume it is missing a string.

24.   Who is your all time Australian hero?

A. Tommy Emanuel, who is an Australian guitarist that I've actually heard play here in the States.

25.   Translate the following: “Strewth! Nev was going flat out like a lizard drinking. But he had a nana nap and he's raring. Told him to get here pronto by not to miss the gate cos it’s impossible to chuck a u-ey for miles. Told him to bring a slab. We’ll have a barby. The kiddies can have snags. Joe the Pom will moan about everything. Jeez, he’s a bastard. Yeah…nah… no flies on him.

A. Goddamnit! He was driving fast and hit a water spot and spun out! But he stopped the car, backed it up, and started going again. I told him to get here immediately and not to forget to stop at the convenience store because there isn't another one for miles. I told him to bring his coffin, too, because we're going to have a helluva party at the BBQ. The kids can have Benedryl to put them to sleep. Joe, that old ape, will whine about everything because Jeez, he's just a bastard. But that other guy never stops.

26.  What is your favourite Australian holiday spot?

A. Whatever one I am at.

27.  Do you eat the coat of arms?

A. No, I put my arms in my coat and wear it.

28.  You are stuck in a lift with the following: Karl Stefanovic, Peter Dutton and Alan Jones. Who do you kill last?

A. Karl Stefanovic.

29.   What is the NBN?

A. National Bouncing Nation. It's because of the kangaroos.

30.   “Where the bloody hell are you?” Discuss.

A. I'm the bloody hell in Virginia. Where the bloody hell are you?

31. Complete the following sayings.

    Am I ever going to see your face again? - Hell no, you one-eyed turnip eater!
    You're terrible, - you cockneyed piece of seashore driftwood!
    Coupla days, - you're gonna regret you ate that Barby.

32. Potato scallops or potato cakes?

A. Potato cakes.

33. Provide three uses for cane toads.

A. (1) Lick them and get high. (2) Suck on their little feet and get high. (3) Take away their canes and watch them limp down the road as they try to find a pond.

34. If you give a politician a koala to cuddle, what is the likely outcome?

A. The koala will rip the politician's throat into shreds.

35. Bagpipes are perfectly at home in rock songs. Discuss.

A. I don't see why not. Bagpipes, if they are played well, can blend right in with some wild guitar and a good bit of drums.

36. What is a Tim Tam Slam?

A. That's where you take the hat off the head of a guy named Tim and you slam it into the wall.

37. If I ask for a FruChoc, where am I from? What are FruChocs?

A. You're asking for chocolate-covered fruit, and you're from AUSTRALIA.
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