Thinking Too Much

Yesterday I was quite antsy. I had many pages of Sociology text to read but also laundry to do. For some reason I was also fretting over my master's thesis. I haven't even registered for that but do need to be considering it. However, it was not a priority but I was making it so.

Two different people told me I think too much. I over think everything. Think think think think. Consider this angle, look at that angle, what happens if it goes this way? Round or square? Peg or knob? Screw or nut?

Constantly thinking, constantly pondering. Much of it tends to run toward worry. What happens if I fail my class? What happens if I don't go to the grocery store today? What happens if I don't fold the towels? What happens if I don't do my homework? What happens if the world ends in the next five minutes?

So many questions! So much unanswered.

And so many questions that I will never answer.

I have always been like this. Why why why why? Yes, I was one of those children. Why is the sky blue? Why do the clouds move? Where does the wind come from? How come the grass is green? Why do birds fly? Why, Mom, why?

These days my questions are somewhat darker. Why do some people want other people to fail? Why is it okay with some people that others suffer? Why do some people crave dominion over others? Why is there no peace? Why is money so important to so many people?  Why is there illness? Why do some people have mental health issues? Why is there sadness? What happens when we die? Why are some people mean?

Why why why?

Some days my poor brain churns and washes around like a floating cork in the midst of a typhoon. Spinning, bobbing, going under, coming back up to be whipped around again.

You need to settle down, said one friend. You think too much.

And don't they know I'd settle down if I could? Why don't I know how to do that? Why?!?