The top of my head

I called my acupuncturist today to relay a difficult weekend. My balance remains an issue and I have an appointment Thursday with an ear nose and throat doctor. Some of my friends think I need a CT scan or an MRI or some such thing. I am not so sure, but I don't really know what can be seen with those kinds of X-rays.

"If you can be here in 10 minutes, I can do a little something for you before I leave for the day," Nicole said. So I quickly whisked myself into town.

She stuck a needle in the top of my head and sent me home with it. That was several hours ago, and the acupuncture needle sits there still. I am to take it out soon, however.

This is the first time she's sent me home with an acupuncture needle stuck in me, though I was aware she was doing it with some other folks I know who see her. I have some fears about this. What if somebody wants to pat me on the head, for example? Not that that happens a lot . . .

She also put patches which have tiny little acupuncture needles on them on my wrists, in about the place where one of those motion-sickness bands might sit, I think. These are to stay on for a number of days. I have had the little patches before, in different spots, and like them. They seem helpful and if nothing else give me an illusion of having done something.

The other thing I need to focus on, she said, is my food. I have to eat warm foods and keep my belly warm. No cold water, no salads, no oily foods, no greasy foods. I don't eat much of that anyway, actually, although I do tend to prefer my drinks cold.

I do better when I can follow these directions but honestly, I get tired of trying to eat "healthy" and find it quite difficult. It is so much easier to eat a chocolate bar.

Acupuncture affects my energy. Everyone has this energy, but it is mostly invisible in western society. We do not acknowledge these forces we cannot see, but I think it is affected by any number of things. This includes the interactions we have with others, the weather, exercise, the foods we eat, the moon and prayer. I think we can positively affect it but it takes work. There is so much negativity floating around in the air that it is difficult to overcome it.

I have tried other energy moving activities, including Reiki and Zero Balancing. Reiki is gentler and non-invasive; acupuncture, with its needles, does have an invasive quality to it. However, it seems to move the energy much quicker. Zero Balancing is in the middle. It is less invasive but does involve a great deal of touching, whereas Reiki can be done without touching a person at all.

Tai Chi helps me find my energy field. I have reached a point where I can gather a ball of energy and feel it in my hands. This is a relatively recent thing for me, and when it occurs I am elated.

When I was a child, I was so out of touch with myself that I was totally unaware of my energy. The girls used to play a game where they had you close your hand tightly. They would rub your closed hand for a moment. Then they would tell you to open your hand. They would reach into your palm and pull upward. "Can't you feel it? I'm pulling out your spirit," they would say.

I could never feel it then and I always thought I must be weird because nothing was there. I thought sometimes that maybe I just didn't have a soul, since I couldn't feel my spirit leave me.

Today, older and grayer, I can feel my energy.

I can feel my soul.