1. If I write something ambiguous and it mentions family or friends, and no one specific, don't assume it's about you. I have a large family and many friends. If a reader does assume that it is about him or her, and especially if it is negative, maybe that person should do a little examination of his or her conscience to see what wrong may have been done to me in the past. It is never too late to apologize.
2. That said, many things have been bothering me in the last month. My father's 80th birthday brought up a lot of past memories that I'd just as soon not be recalling. But there they are. I will deal. My problem, no one else's.
3. Open your eyes to a wider view of the world and place yourself in someone else's shoes for just a few minutes. Rethink your opinions. No one is right 100% of the time. Gaslighting people is bad. If you don't know what that is, look it up.
4. I write nonfiction, poetry, and fiction. Sometimes they all run together. There's a lot of truth in my poetry as well as my fiction, and always truth in my nonfiction. This is my blog and I can and will put whatever I want on it. I don't ask anyone to read it. I'm pleased that people do, and happy if it resonates with some folks, but ultimately this is my creative outlet. I enjoy connecting and relating to others. But if one has nothing nice to say in response to what I write, then say nothing.
5. If I am writing about someone in particular, generally it is not because I am mad. It is because my heart is hurting. I have many layers of protection but that doesn't mean someone can't stab me in the chest from time to time. Honestly, there are only a few people who can manage that, and they know exactly how to twist the knife.
6. I have spent the past year and a half trying to "make up" for things I felt I'd done that may have wronged someone, or left something undone that I needed to repair. I have been successful and the list has only one item remaining on it. I'm sure I've done things to people without realizing I caused hurt and/or pain, and maybe eventually my list will grow long again, but I can only make an effort to remedy the pain of which I am aware.
7. People need to communicate better when things become tough and emotional. Sitting on grudges and resentments for 20 years doesn't do anyone any good.
8. Nothing is black and white; it's not all zeroes and ones, and we are complex creatures with conflicting thoughts and emotions. I may think one thing one day and something else the next if the information persuades me. I am malleable that way, because I do not believe life is static. It changes constantly, and so too does science and emotions. I am not the same person every day of my life.
9. I try to live an honest life (although I'm sure I fail at it frequently; most people do). I learned a long time ago that lies get you nowhere, and deceit only causes pain. People who lie have to remember those words for a long time, and sometimes they can't keep their story straight. Truth is easy to recall. Deceitful people bring more harm to themselves but they can also damage others, intentionally or not.
10. Hopefully I have lived my life in such a way that if someone spoke ill of me, others would not immediately believe me capable of the accusation. In these biased and political times, I'm not sure I can do that to everyone's satisfaction. The simple fact that I consider myself an Independent and not an affiliate of any political party may, in fact, be enough to be thought ill of. (Contrary to what some believe, I'm not a far-left Democrat. I'm just not far right enough for them.)
11. Goodness exists. I believe that everyone has good inside of them. Finding it and understanding it may be another matter altogether. What some see as good, others may see as evil. This moral ambiguity is problematic, but I follow my personal moral compass. It has been gleaned from my parents, teachers, coworkers, books, strangers, and many life lessons.
12. Success is how I define it, not how anyone else defines it. I may not be able to build my own rocket and fly it into space, but I consider my life successful. I've done many things, overcome a great deal, and I am still standing even if many days I simply want to stop. I have days when I have to take life one minute at a time, because if I didn't, it would completely overwhelm me. I do what must be done to get to the next minute, and the next, and to keep my existence as successful as I know how.
13. My goal is never to harm another. Even people that may deserve a little harm receive the benefit of the doubt where I can offer it. Harm is the antithesis of living a good life. Speaking unwisely can be harmful. A friend once introduced me to a group of people by saying, "She doesn't say much, but when she finally speaks, it's usually good to listen." I consider that one of the best compliments I've ever received.
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Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here if you want to read other Thursday Thirteens and/or play along. I've been playing for a while and this is my 714th time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday. Or so sayth the Blogger counter, anyway.
Writers are natural truth tellers and writing can be sticking your neck out, but it's who we are. I always say that those things we don't want to talk about are there affecting us all anyways and to talk about them only brings them out in the open and is the first step in moving through them.
ReplyDelete#10 is so important. In a little way I witnessed this when my son was in middle school. The bus driver reported to the school he was standing in front of the bus so it couldn't move. As his mother, I can say he wouldn't do that, but mothers can be wrong when their children aren't around them. Students he knew in elementary school (not friends) came forward and said that he would never do something like that. He wouldn't, he was always a rule follower, as a child he did see only black or white, right or wrong. All I can guess is the boy who did stand in the way gave my son's name.
ReplyDeleteThere's a lot of truth in this post. #3, #7, and #12 especially resonate with me.
ReplyDeleteA lot of your list resonated with me in a profound way. Wise, wise words.
ReplyDeletehttp://inmywords.kimdeister.com/2021/07/15/thursday-13-all-things-ingram/
I’ve enjoyed reading your blog for years. I was introduced to it by someone very proud of your accomplishments who told me to read an entry you had written. I have continued to read it ( although I have to play catch up sometimes). If your family and friends mean anything to you and you care about them, it is extremely likely that there will be disappointment and hurt throughout time. People whom matter the most tend to hurt you the most or you them. They know the vulnerable areas of your world and you theirs. The question is “ Was it forgivable?”. Does it really matter? Will it years from now? and Can you live happily knowing that if you don’t forgive whatever it was it will affect you and your life more than it will them? Forgiveness is for you not them, and bitterness and pettiness ages a person greatly and leaves them very lonely.
ReplyDelete“Nothing is ever black or white,” “Put yourself in someone else shoes,” “Most people are good by nature” are concepts in which I believe. “Making up” for hurting someone with something you did or said… I’m not sure I agree with that one. Once something is done it can’t be completely erased, taken back or made up for. I think an honest heartfelt apology with a statement of what happened is good or why you felt the way you did. If there was ever a friendship or love between you, then moving forward with the acceptance of the apology and starting anew should be sufficient. “Making up for” sounds like everything that followed the action was your fault and it isn’t . They have ownership of their life and it’s consequences, not you.Also you are not less of a person for having beliefs or making mistakes…. Just human.