Thursday Thirteen

In these days and hours of fury, when we're all trying hard to get along, I thought I might offer up some things I learned from having my husband home for months while he recuperated from surgery.

It was a huge change to our schedule - my schedule - so it took some adapting.

1. Find your own space. If you are a homemaker, for example, find a room or corner or couch or whatever to call your own.

2. If you had a home routine, try to stick to it. If you normally rose at 6 a.m., continue to do that. It helps to keep the rhythm the same if you can.

3. If you are married, learn to be friends again. I am amazed at how many of my married friends are not actually friends with one another.

4. Board games can be very helpful in passing the time.

5. Learn to shut the doors. If one person keeps the TV on all the time, shut the door and drown it out with music. Headphones are also useful.

6. Try to do some things together, like gardening or walks in the woods. While you're out and about, revisit old goals if you've been together a long time. What haven't you done that you can work toward together?

7. Create a key word that means all conversation and everything else must stop if one of you say it. This is a safety word that means, "I'm uncomfortable, things are getting out of hand." Make it a funny word and not something you would normally use. Our key word is "Hassenpfeffer" which reminds us both of a Bugs Bunny skit. Your key word could be anything, even a made-up word. The important thing is that you both honor the "total stop" when one of you says it.

8. If you clean and you're particular about it, do it yourself and don't ask for help. If the other spouse offers to help, give him or her some other chore than the one you're performing. Housework is never-ending and there are always drawers to clean out and straighten, trash to pick up or carry out, cabinets to wipe down. Don't turn down help, just turn it into something else other than what you're doing, unless what you're doing is a two-person job. (And don't complain about how the person does the other assignment, either.)

9. You don't have to spend every minute together simply because you're stuck at home with one another. Give each other space. Let the other person go read a book or watch TV. We all need our personal time.

10. Try not to argue over money. That might become difficult in the days ahead, but remember your relationship is ultimately the most important thing. Try to compromise on priority spending.

11. Let the other person take over a few chores he or she doesn't normally do. Maybe switch off so that one cooks while the other one mows for a change. Shake it up a little bit.

12. Try not to be critical of the way the other person does things. So what if the spouse folds towels differently than you do? They're still folded and put away.

13. Remember to breathe and try not to be too hard on yourself or your partner during this time of change. Despite the efforts to "return to our lives" things will be different from now on. There will be no going back. You may return to your job but you may not have the same people there. Stresses will change, and come and go, but hopefully you have a partner for life. That's the relationship to nurture.

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Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here if you want to read other Thursday Thirteens and/or play along. I've been playing for a while and this is my 649th time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday. Or so sayth the Blogger counter, anyway.