Something for Nothing

Monday my email inbox for the account I use for business pronounced itself "full." I could neither send nor receive email.

I called my provider to find out what was going on, as this had never happened before.

Oh, said the kind fellow on the other end of the phone, your mailbox was full (huh?) but now it's not. And I've increased your mailbox size.

Is that going to cost me? I asked, being a little tight in the wallet these days.

Oh no, said the fellow. And did you know we can double your Internet speed? Let me hand you over to a sales person.

Yay. A little something for nothing. Although I wondered why, if my mailbox could have been expanded, it simply wasn't expanded without my having to ask, not to mention experiencing the risk of missing important communication from an editor.

The higher speed - double the rate I have now - could be had for a measly $5 more a month, the chipper sales lady told me.

Do I need a new modem box or something for that?

Oh no. Just pay the $5 extra each month and zap! You have a faster connection.

Why can't you just give me that, I asked. I'm already paying you $90 a month for telephone and Internet services. I've been a customer for 25 years. Can't you cut me a deal?

Oh no, says the sales clerk. I certainly can't do that.

And I can't give you $5 more a month for something so nebulous, my dear.