Diet and Exercise

My efforts to lose weight are proving fruitless.

About 24 years ago, when I weighed a whole lot less, I fit into a very tiny-waisted wedding dress.

Today I suppose I'd need a barrel.

My weight began to creep up almost immediately after I married, but I kept it in check. My husband also has weight issues and his favorite diet when we first married was the Scarsdale Diet, which was very similar to the Atkins Diet.

So occasionally we'd do some half-hearted Scarsdale Diet and things would be lovely.

Then it was time to have a baby, and endometriosis reared an ugly, painful head. Infertility loomed. I was 23 years old.

The doctors put me on a variety of drugs, some of which mimicked pregnancy in an effort to "kill" the endometriosis so I could then have a baby.

My weight blossomed like a stink flower overfed on Miracle Grow.

Then at the tender of age of 29 came the hysterectomy and hormone pills. Boom. Instant menopause. Also instant migraines and more weight gain.

My weight crept and crept. Up and up. Conspicuously missing was exercise - I wasn't raised to exercise. I lived on a farm, I slung hay bales when I was young.

But I no longer did those activities. Hiking, something I loved to do but my husband did not, became infrequent because I feared to go by myself as the world churned with rage.

I worked part time and full time jobs and put myself through college. I stayed busy but my work was not physical.

In August 2003 I took a trip to Williamsburg. The weather was hot and humid. I huffed and puffed during the entire trip.

I vowed to lose weight. But nothing happened.

My husband went on the Atkins Diet in 2004 and his pounds fell off. I followed suit and lost weight too. I also gained problems with depression and constipation. I felt terrible.

I went off the diet. But even today, bread makes only rare appearances in our house; we eat much better and healthier. I began buying organic - fresh fruits, veggies. Not so much processed food. Fewer snacks.

I attempted to exercise in spurts, but nothing stuck. I couldn't find the time and I didn't think it would help.

Finally, in December 2006, I began walking very slowly on the treadmill. Before this I would attempt to do miles at a time and become frustrated when I couldn't, so I didn't go back. This time I just did five minutes and called it a day. Then I did seven minutes. Then 10.

In a month I was doing a 1.5 miles every day. I began to lose weight. Things looked good. I was feeling better.

Then the dizziness struck. I couldn't keep my balance when I was walking the floor, much less a treadmill. Desperate to keep my momentum, I bought Denise Austin tapes. I did them as best I could. A couple of times I lost my balance and fell on my face, but I persevered. In July I was able to get back on the treadmill.

In August 2006, I developed shin splints. This hurt a lot.

I bought a recumbent exercise bike so I could get off my feet. I began lifting small weights.

Finally in November I hopped back on the treadmill. I worked myself back up to 20 minutes a day. Then Wham. February of this year brought me plantar fasciitis that turned into a heel spur.

And here I am, still limping along. I am walking 10 minutes a day on the treadmill, sitting 10 minutes on the bike. Occasionally I go to the sports complex and walk around it twice, which is supposed to be about a mile. Some days I make it around four times before my feet hurt so bad I can hardly make it to the car.

I also lift weights. I do some exercises on a medicine ball, I get in the floor and stretch. Occasionally I do a Tai Chi routine with a video tape. What's really missing, though, is good cardio and I know that.

My feet are still hurting, though they are better. I ignore it and do the best I can.

The weight has crept back. I'm not quite where I was in 2005 but I am close. I crave sugar a lot. I try not to give in but often do. I eat 100 times better than I did even four years ago, but the weight keeps coming.

Despite the return of the flab, I feel better than I did 2 years ago. I have more energy and I am stronger. I can walk longer distances without feeling winded. The effort has had tangible results.

Just not the results I want.

I'm not asking for solutions, I'm just trying to put it out here where I can look at it. To many people I am sure I haven't done enough. Not enough willpower, some think. No self control.

Maybe they are right.

But for me, the changes I have made have been difficult and in some respects incredible. I know I can do more, if the injuries will halt long enough for me to figure it out. And I really want to find a way to change my eating habits that doesn't leave me feeling depressed, or sick or weak or any of the other things that diets often do to me.

I have to be able to think and work and get through the day.

I am not looking for longevity. I figure I will live as long as I am supposed to. But I would like to feel good while I'm on this earth. I'd like to be able to walk to McAfee's Knob without wondering if someone will have to ride up in a 'Gator to get me back down.

I consider myself to be in terrible shape. Mrs. E., bless her heart, told me during our recent first "get to know a fellow blogger" meeting that I didn't look anything like she expected from my descriptions. She did not think I looked as bad as I believe I do. Her words made me feel a little better about myself.

I would like to lose 15 pounds by Christmas. I think this is doable, even with Thanksgiving.

I just don't have any idea how to go about it at this particular moment.