Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen things you hear while the husband remodels the bathroom:

1. Damn! How long has it been since you cleaned out the exhaust fan, woman? (Translation: I know you can't climb on chairs and things because you have vertigo and I haven't been much help lately.)

2. Damn! The pea trap in the sink broke! (Translation: you will now need to go to Lowe's, wife.)

3. Damn! I smashed my finger. Get me a band aid. (Translation: the sander just jumped off the wall and attacked me!)

4. Damn! I need the vacuum. (Translation: I made a helluva mess with the sander.)

5. Damn! Can you come help me a minute? (Translation: I didn't really want to do this anyway!)

6. Damn! Here's the source of the mold you've been smelling. (Translation: I ripped off the wallpaper in October 2006, which you asked me not to do, woman, and some of it fell in behind the vanity where you couldn't reach it and it got wet.)

7. Damn! This vanity top is heavy and no I will not use the dolly to haul it to the garage. (Translation: I am He-Man, I lift stuff.)

8. Damn! I dropped the medicine cabinet and broke a shelf. (Translation: another trip to Lowe's.)

9. Damn! I need the extension to the vacuum cleaner! (Translation: I'm making a bigger mess than I intended.)

10. Damn! I'm going to have to find a way to mix this paint. (Translation: I purchased it a year ago despite knowing you, wife, are allergic to it and couldn't do this chore yourself, and I'm just now getting around to it.)

11. Damn! It's hot in here. (Translation: It's 80 degrees outside, what do you expect?)

12. Damn! That sure is pink paint. (Translation: I know I said a little color would be nice, but this?)

13. Damn! It's not going to be finished today. (Translation: Prepare for a long weekend.)