Hodge Podge

I'm having a difficult time finishing a story, a phenomenon that generally happens when I really care about the substance of the article and want it to read like the best thing ever written.

Generally I do better when I don't feel like I must write a prize-winner. That's way too much pressure. So I'm taking a little break to regroup before I venture back to the story.

***
Yesterday, I had a gusher of a nose bleed, the worst I believe I've ever had. Having spent the last week sniffling and clearing my throat, I can't say I am surprised. This morning I had extremely dark circles under my eyes. I looked like I'd been hit, which I had not.

My ear is bothering me, too. I am not experiencing vertigo but I am a little out of balance.

***
My evening will be long as I must attend a meeting. I am already cooking dinner and it's only 2:30 p.m., because I will be leaving at 5:30 p.m. I don't expect to get back before midnight, to be honest. The meeting officials told me to bring my pajamas to the meeting, if that says anything. It was a joke, of course.

***
My husband's uncle died Saturday after a bought with lung cancer. Uncle C. generally refused treatment, I have been told (he lives out of state) but he lasted much longer than anyone expected even if he had had conventional therapies. Since my mother died of cancer, I am quite afraid of that Big C word, but I try not to worry about it. My dream is to die in my sleep when I'm very old, but I also know few people really go out that way. My mother was only 56 when she died. But my grandmothers are both still alive, and in their mid-80s. I hope I am more like them than my mother, at any rate.

***
I have not purchased a new video game since this time last year. That was FABLE on XBox, which I never finished. That's because I developed vertigo and found playing the game made me dizzy. I like RPG games where I get to be the first-person character, and I prefer a first person game like MORROWIND to something in third person, like FABLE. (It has to do with how you see the game - in Fable, you see the character running around, in Morrowind, you just see the ground in front of you, as if you were seeing it with your own eyes.)

I really like video games and have lost many hours playing them. At present I am just playing with The Sims 2, because I don't have anything new. I also have told myself I cannot put anything on my computer.

I desperately want to play Morrowind: Oblivion, but I don't have an XBOX 360 and I suspect it would crash my computer. Plus I have told myself I cannot buy a new video game until I've written a book.

So it might be a really long time before I get a new video game.

My first game system was an Atari, and the game on it was Pong, I think, if that tells you how long I've been playing. I was a very weird girl. I can't think of how much money I've spent over the years on video games. Probably as much as on books.