Since I recently celebrated a wedding anniversary, I thought I'd share a little marriage advice. Actually, this advice might work for most relationships.
1. Marriage takes work, and you have to be willing to change with life as it comes. Nobody coasts for forty years. You adjust, or you don’t make it.
2. Respect and honesty are the bedrock. Even when you’re mad, you still owe each other basic dignity, and you can’t build much without the truth.
3. Laugh when you can. The hard days show up on their own, but couples who still find a reason to laugh together seem to carry the years a little easier.
4. Don’t keep score. Long marriages survive because someone lets things go instead of counting every slight.
5. Small kindnesses matter more than the grand gestures. A cup of coffee, a thank you, a hand on the shoulder. Those things add up over time.
6. Patience becomes a skill. You learn to give each other space, to wait out the moods, and to trust that the storm will pass if you don’t feed it.
7. Stay curious. Share values. Act like you’re on the same team. After decades, you can still find things you didn’t know about each other, which is half the fun.
8. Arguments happen. What matters is how you put things back together afterward.
9. Keep a little romance alive, and mark the milestones, big or small. It reminds you why you started all this in the first place.
10. Let the small stuff go. After forty years, you know which battles are worth it and which ones you’ll forget by next week.
11. Support each other’s growth. People keep changing, even later in life, and a marriage does better when both partners feel free to grow.
12. Love is a choice. Some days the feeling is bright, and some days it’s dim, but you still show up for the life you built.
13. Gratitude carries you through. A little appreciation every day keeps resentments from settling in and gives the whole journey a steadier footing. And never be afraid to say, "I'm sorry."
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Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here if you want to read other Thursday Thirteens and/or play along. I've been playing for a while, and this is my 934th time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday. Or so sayth the Blogger counter, anyway.
This is lovely and also fascinating. As a barren spinster, I am here to tell you that people are very willing (eager!) to explain why they ended a relationship but very few explain why they are happy and what goes into a solid relationship.
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