A Life Like This

This morning while I was showering with my unscented shampoo and unscented conditioner, using my fragrance-free soap and then drying off with my towel cleaned in sensitive skin and fragrance-free laundry detergent, and then dried with fragrance-free Bounce, I thought about how difficult it is to be someone who is sensitive to, well, pretty much everything.

I wondered how I might show that to a world where the smells of lavender or roses or lilies make people smile, not haul out an inhaler.

That first paragraph is a good start. But let me add that much of the items I do use - from my unscented deodorant to my unscented body lotion - are expensive.

Unscented shampoos and conditioners cost about $13 a bottle for each. Fortunately, they last a long while and I am not overly generous in my use of them, but still, it's not cheap.

I also cannot stand the smell of cigarettes or cigars, perfumes of any type, makeup, hairspray, other people's deodorant, other people if they've been around their pets, and on and on.

Hay season is sneeze season. I love flowers but can't have them in the house. Even plants that don't flower end up bothering me because the smell of the damp earth can set off an asthma attack (it's actually some kind of mold in the dirt).

It's hard to live in the world when many of the things in the world are out to take your breath away.

When my husband and I first started dating, he used Old Spice. My father also used Old Spice at the time, so I recognized the scent. My sensitivities were not as bad then as they are now; they've grown worse as I've aged. But I found, to my dismay, that when my new boyfriend kissed me, my face broke out.

I didn't kiss on my father, of course, aside from a peck on the cheek. My boyfriend liked to kiss, and we kissed for long periods of time. (Sometimes I thought we were going for a record.)

After about two weeks, I told him if he wanted to keep dating me, he would have to rid himself of his Old Spice aftershave. I explained that it was irritating my skin and occasionally I was having difficulty breathing when I smelled it. The more I was around him, the worse it got. (Long exposure to things will make the sensitivity worse.)

The next time we went out, he smelled . . . of nothing. He had ditched his aftershave and his deodorant and chosen to go with all unscented.

I knew then we'd marry for sure. How could I turn away a guy who'd give up his cologne for me?

In my house, there are no scents, except natural ones. Just the scents of the two people who live here, our sweat, sometimes, and the odors that new products give out occasionally. The towels don't smell fresh, they are just towels with no smell. (Gain is the worst for smells on clothes.) Clothes don't smell like anything, either.

Every new piece of clothing that comes in the house must be washed before it can be worn. Each of us has to shower if we've been outside or out in public, because the odors of the world stick to our hair and to our clothes. If I go to bed without a shower and I've been out in public, then I wake up sick the next morning.

Living on a farm means many different kinds of odors. My husband, bless him, takes his clothes off in the garage and comes in for lunch in his underwear when he's been out in the field. Either that or I make him lunch and he eats outside.

I am almost a prisoner to my sensitivities; they keep me so housebound. I don't go to many places anymore simply because they will make me sick.

Here's another example: I once went to the University of Virginia library to do research, and I had so much trouble breathing that I couldn't stay. I can't crawl through old records - something I dearly love doing - because of the molds and dust on them. I had to stop going through the records in the county courthouse for the same reason.

I also stopped spending much time in the library because it had grown musty and smelled. They recently remodeled it and aside from the new carpet smell, it is much better. Once the new carpet smell has dissipated, I may be able to spend time there again.

This disability - I'm not sure that's the right word - has really impeded my life, especially as it has grown worse as I've aged. Many things I enjoyed doing I no longer do. I prefer to be well to being sick - I have spent enough time being sick - and avoidance seems to be the best answer anyone has for me. 

If you have a person with sensitivities in your life, I hope you can find some compassion for them. They aren't simply picky or being difficult. Life is hard for someone like me.

Even though we may love the flowers, we cannot stop to smell them.