Thursday, November 15, 2018

Thursday Thirteen

Sunday marks my 35th wedding anniversary. That is a long time to be married - not many folks can say their marriage lasts that long.

So, 13 things to make a marriage work, in no particular order.

1. Learn to say, "Yes dear." This can solve a lot of arguments, even if you don't agree. Just saying, "Yes dear," will shut the other person up and you can move on to what you really want to do, which is watch the NASCAR race or something. (This one is mostly good for men, I think.)

2. Be friends. I'm not sure how anyone can be married to someone they are not also friends with, but it happens. If you don't like to play gin rummy with your marriage partner, or sit down and talk about politics or the weather or whatever, or you simply don't like to spend time with them, I don't give you much chance of having a long-lasting relationship.

3. Respect each other. Respect your partner's time, their heritage, their opinions, their families, their jobs, etc. Treat them like you would a friend (see #2).

4. Ignore the socks in the floor, the pants draped across the bed, or whatever it is that is your pet peeve about your significant other. If it doesn't matter in 100 years, it isn't worth an argument or festering anger.

5. Be individuals and don't suffocate each other. Let each person have his or her own hobby, job, or extracurricular activity (so long as it's not infidelity, of course).

6. Be loyal to one another. Don't bad mouth your spouse to your friends or family. Take up for him or her when necessary. (Well, don't go talk to his boss or anything, that's silly.)

7. Understand there will be tests for which you did not study, even if they are unintentional. For example, if the woman asks, "Does this make me look fat?" that's actually a test, and the response is always, "no" even if it makes her look like a hippo in a tutu. You might find a way to tactfully suggest something else, like, "no, but I really prefer you that black skirt, it turns me on."

8. Be there for the hard times. You can't live with someone for 35 years without there being hard times. That includes family deaths or divorces, illnesses, stupid relatives, and elections of presidents who are totally not in sync with your values. You have to stick together.

9. Hold hands. We hold hands all the time, even when we're watching TV. We fall asleep holding hands. We hold hands in the store when we're shopping. Touch is important. Do it a lot.

10. Find what you have in common and nourish that. Maybe you both like to play Scrabble. Or cook. Or watch certain TV shows. Or garden. Or watch the deer outside the window. Or listen to music. Or religion. Whatever it is, be in that moment, together.

11. Don't worry about the small stuff. It really is all small stuff until somebody sticks a hand in a hay baler or gets bleeding ulcers. Then you're back to #8. 

12. Love each other. Love is different from being friends. It goes deeper, it lasts forever, and it means that you forgive all the stupid little things. That doesn't mean love isn't breakable - I think it can be broken and lessened and demeaned if you're not careful. So be careful with the one you love.

13. Put your marriage above everything else - your job, your children, the laundry. The kids will grow up, your job will change, and the laundry will never end. But the marriage always needs nurturing and care.

That's my thirteen for today. Be cool everyone.

Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here if you want to read other Thursday Thirteens and/or play along. I've been playing for a while and this is my 578th time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday. Or so sayth the Blogger counter, anyway.


  1. Lovely and very on point. I can say that I have love two men in my life. Neither one worked for different reasons. The first man , I was naive and wanted to have a love in my life. Which lead to a ton of problems. Being abused, heartbreak and low self worth isssues. The second man, we were special friends first and foremost. I thought we would always be friends and I do still think of him as a friend. I sadly am not thought of as a friend anymore. We have had some battles but nothing that I think justifies not being the friends I was lead to believe we were. One day I will find my real love and they will be the luckiest man in the world ...because I love deeply, carefully and forever. Being and becoming my very best to love and support them in their endeavors. And of course, thanks to the men that came before who showed me what I deserve and the qualities of the man want in my life forever.( even though I’m NOT sold on marriage yet!)

  2. PS : Happy Anniversary to you and your real love!❤️

  3. Hi there! Visiting you from Thursday Thirteen (my first time). Loved your list. Very realistic. Funny thing is, I was just compiling my own list on the same topic (not for this link up) and thinking about sharing it at a later date. Glad I had already made up my list, or I would be tempted to take from yours! ;) Thanks for sharing.

  4. This should be published. I don't get upset about the sox on the floor (actually it's coats draped on doors) if he won't get upset that I pick them up (take it down). We hold hands too! For 30 years now!

  5. Congratulations on your milestone anniversary! Saturday is actually our 34th so I'm hot on your trail. :) This is a fantastic list. Everyone, but especially the younger ones should read it. Marriage seems to have become such a throw away thing these days.

  6. I only mind the pants of the floor when I trip over them in the morning. Sometimes those little pet peeves involve life and limb.

    Yes, I am doing NaNo this year. It's made my blog very quiet. I'll get back to it in December.


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