As the nation wrings its hands over yet another mass shooting - 50 people dead in Orlando in what appears to be a homophobic rage - and the "thoughts and prayers" that do absolutely nothing are prostituted by the politicians, I sit and wonder about a solution to this obviously major problem.
Statistics and numbers can be jockeyed around and source matters, but a source I like, and believe to be close, states that in 2010, just over 31,000 U.S. citizens died because of guns.
That's the total population of my county, just about. In one year, everyone around me was wiped out. And this happens year in and year out. On average, there are 33 homicides a day in the U.S. There are 49 suicides committed each day in the U.S. That means that around 80 people a day die in the U.S. because either someone shot them, or they shot themselves. So every year, somewhere close to 30,000 people die.
Every year.
Back in May, we had a food recall of over 400 items because of the possibility that these products were tainted with listeria. If I remember correctly, eight people died or were sickened. Not even a dozen, and we did something.
I am in favor of more stringent gun control laws. I think the current questions on the gun purchase forms are jokes, and the background checks are, too. Apparently even if you have certain things on your police record, or if the FBI is watching you, you can still buy a gun.
Here close to me, a young man with a known history of psychiatric problems was able to buy a gun, legally, and he shot up Virginia Tech in 2007, which, up until this weekend, was the largest mass shooting in the USA in this century.
I don't see why we can't regulate guns like we do cars. I don't see where regulations violate the Second Amendment. I mean, it spells it out right there, "A well-regulated militia." It even uses the word regulated. That means to control or direct, by rules or laws.
Regulations already exist. I can't go out and buy a tank and drive it down Main Street. I can't own a bazooka or a machine gun.
To drive a car, I have to produce a birth certificate, take a test, and have a license. I also have to have insurance or pay an uninsured motorists fee. I have to have the vehicle inspected annually.
I have no problem with having to take a test or a class in order to own a gun. When I was in middle school, gun safety was a featured class. We all took it. It was required. We learned how to safely handle a weapon, how they worked, and what they could do (kill and maim), and when to use them. At the end, we received a gun safety certificate.
I don't know when they stopped giving these courses in school, but I think, given our gun culture, that such classes should become available again. Teach kids to respect guns, not honor them.
My father had guns. I owned a gun when I was 10 years old, a little .22 caliber survival gun. It was black and it came apart so that its pieces could fit into the empty stock for easy carrying. I learned how to break the thing down and put it back together. I was a good shot, knocking cans and things off of fence posts. (Yes, I was too young to be handling a gun, but that is how things are done around here.)
I did not hunt or shoot at living things. I knew better. I feel spiritually sick when animals are killed in front of me. However, I live in the country and knowing how to properly use a gun, even if it is just a .22, is, if not a necessity, prudent.
Other people take great sport in shooting and killing, and do not feel the spiritual aspect of the death of an animal. My husband, brother, father, nephews, and others hunt. These are all men; I know there are women who hunt but I am not aware of any of my kin who do.
Personally, I'd rather shoot at things with my camera, so that is what I do.
My answer to the problem of gun violence is regulation. This doesn't mean you can't have a gun, unless you've some reason not to have one. If you're a spouse beater, you shouldn't have a gun. If someone takes out a restraining order against you, you shouldn't have a gun. If you're depressed and suicidal, you shouldn't have a gun. There are many reasons not to have a gun, reasons that good classes, professional oversight, and more honest background checks would ferret out. Or so one would hope.
I don't see regulations happening, so this post is nothing more than a musing, my thoughts on the matter. It is as useful as the "thoughts and prayers" of the proselytizing politicians. I think it is horrible that we will recall food for eight deaths and do nothing over 50. I don't run the world. I do vote, not that I am sure it matters, but there you go.
Death is sad. Loss is terrible. Orlando, like Virginia Tech, will be scarred for a long time. I think the nation, over all, is already scarred and battered. I also think that since 9-11, we've become a bunch of scared little children, fearful of our own shadow, and that is really why people want their guns.
Because in the deepest of any heart, fear strangles logic, and wins out every time.
(Comments are off.)
Monday, June 13, 2016
Sunday, June 12, 2016
Sunday Stealing: Tulip
Sunday Stealing: My Friends Call Me Tulip
Can you stay inside all day without getting bored?
A. Oh yes. Between books, my guitar, my writing, and video games, I'd probably never leave the house if I didn't need to eat and go to the doctor. Occasionally I need hugs, too.
Tell us about a TV show that we should watch.
A. Game of Thrones. It represents a lot of what is wrong with society today, only in a semi-fantasy setting. There is some magic and three dragons, but it's not pure fantasy. It's a lot of war, plotting, and conniving. It is quite misogynistic, as well. Rather like chess, I suppose. And isn't that all life is, a big chess board, where we're all mostly pawns hoping we're not eaten alive by a rook?
When was the last time you were at your home computer all day? A. Today. (Saturday)
What websites other than your own do you visit daily?
A. Facebook, my local newspaper and TV stations, The Guardian, the Washington Post, and whatever else catches my eye.
Do you have a favorite day of the week? Why?
A. Most of my days run together anymore, thanks to health issues and my inability to work. My husband works an irregular shift so there are no set days when we are together. So I don't really have a favorite day.
Did you ever watch Saturday morning cartoons? What was your favorite?
A. I did, I did watch Saturday morning cartoons! I loved Bugs Bunny, Tom & Jerry, and Underdog. I could name a half-dozen others but the question only asked for one and I couldn't even do that.
Were you a comic book fan?
A. I was. When I was about 10, my grandfather would let all of us grandkids take turns mowing the yard. He'd give us each a quarter and we'd walk the two blocks up to the Orange Market, where with that 25 cents we could buy a soda, a candy bar, and a comic book. Dang, I am old. I liked the Marvel Comics the best, generally the ones with female heroines like the Invisible Girl and the Black Widow. I read Wonder Woman some, but for some reason I never found the writing as compelling with D.C. Comics as I did with Marvel. In the late 1990s and early 2000s, I bought Xena comic books. I wonder where they went?
Did you earn an allowance when you were a kid? How much? Was it tied to chores?
A. I don't recall earning an allowance per se, nor do I remember amounts. I do not believe it was tied to chores. We were expected to do chores for room and board. We lived on a farm so there were lots of chores, like feeding animals and hauling in firewood. I think I was just given money whenever.
What is the fanciest type of car you've ridden in? What occasion?
A. I guess my father's Cadillac would qualify. There was no occasion, he was just showing me his new car.
What's your favorite sport to watch?
A. I watch women's tennis sometimes, but generally I don't watch sports. I will watch the Olympics and prefer ice skating to everything else.
Ever tried surfing? A. No.
Have you ever been to a live major team sporting game? A. No.
From a scale of 1 to 5 how athletic are you (1=nerd, 5=very athletic)?
A. 0, which is like, nerd minus 100 or something.
What's your favorite horror movie?
A. I don't watch horror anymore, but when I was young, there was a movie called SSSSS that used to scare me. We would stay up late when we spent the night at my grandparents so we could watch it on the late movie show.
What is your favorite cult classic movie? A. Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
About how many times do you go to the movies a month? A. I go less than once a year.
Favorite movie, which one came to your head first? A. Lord of the Rings.
What if your life was like a movie? What type of movie would it be?
A. It would be like Forest Gump only I'd be Jenny, not Forest, and it would be set about 15 years later in time, so the music would be more 1970s and early 1980s.
Do you like long series movies, like "Lord of the Rings"?
A. It depends on the subject matter, but I love the Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit, and I have seen every Star Wars, and every Harry Potter, so I guess the answer is "yes."
Can you stay inside all day without getting bored?
A. Oh yes. Between books, my guitar, my writing, and video games, I'd probably never leave the house if I didn't need to eat and go to the doctor. Occasionally I need hugs, too.
Tell us about a TV show that we should watch.
A. Game of Thrones. It represents a lot of what is wrong with society today, only in a semi-fantasy setting. There is some magic and three dragons, but it's not pure fantasy. It's a lot of war, plotting, and conniving. It is quite misogynistic, as well. Rather like chess, I suppose. And isn't that all life is, a big chess board, where we're all mostly pawns hoping we're not eaten alive by a rook?
When was the last time you were at your home computer all day? A. Today. (Saturday)
What websites other than your own do you visit daily?
A. Facebook, my local newspaper and TV stations, The Guardian, the Washington Post, and whatever else catches my eye.
Do you have a favorite day of the week? Why?
A. Most of my days run together anymore, thanks to health issues and my inability to work. My husband works an irregular shift so there are no set days when we are together. So I don't really have a favorite day.
Did you ever watch Saturday morning cartoons? What was your favorite?
A. I did, I did watch Saturday morning cartoons! I loved Bugs Bunny, Tom & Jerry, and Underdog. I could name a half-dozen others but the question only asked for one and I couldn't even do that.
Were you a comic book fan?
A. I was. When I was about 10, my grandfather would let all of us grandkids take turns mowing the yard. He'd give us each a quarter and we'd walk the two blocks up to the Orange Market, where with that 25 cents we could buy a soda, a candy bar, and a comic book. Dang, I am old. I liked the Marvel Comics the best, generally the ones with female heroines like the Invisible Girl and the Black Widow. I read Wonder Woman some, but for some reason I never found the writing as compelling with D.C. Comics as I did with Marvel. In the late 1990s and early 2000s, I bought Xena comic books. I wonder where they went?
Did you earn an allowance when you were a kid? How much? Was it tied to chores?
A. I don't recall earning an allowance per se, nor do I remember amounts. I do not believe it was tied to chores. We were expected to do chores for room and board. We lived on a farm so there were lots of chores, like feeding animals and hauling in firewood. I think I was just given money whenever.
What is the fanciest type of car you've ridden in? What occasion?
A. I guess my father's Cadillac would qualify. There was no occasion, he was just showing me his new car.
What's your favorite sport to watch?
A. I watch women's tennis sometimes, but generally I don't watch sports. I will watch the Olympics and prefer ice skating to everything else.
Ever tried surfing? A. No.
Have you ever been to a live major team sporting game? A. No.
From a scale of 1 to 5 how athletic are you (1=nerd, 5=very athletic)?
A. 0, which is like, nerd minus 100 or something.
What's your favorite horror movie?
A. I don't watch horror anymore, but when I was young, there was a movie called SSSSS that used to scare me. We would stay up late when we spent the night at my grandparents so we could watch it on the late movie show.
What is your favorite cult classic movie? A. Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
About how many times do you go to the movies a month? A. I go less than once a year.
Favorite movie, which one came to your head first? A. Lord of the Rings.
What if your life was like a movie? What type of movie would it be?
A. It would be like Forest Gump only I'd be Jenny, not Forest, and it would be set about 15 years later in time, so the music would be more 1970s and early 1980s.
Do you like long series movies, like "Lord of the Rings"?
A. It depends on the subject matter, but I love the Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit, and I have seen every Star Wars, and every Harry Potter, so I guess the answer is "yes."
Saturday, June 11, 2016
Saturday 9: I Dream of Jeannie
I Dream of Jeannie Theme (1965)
Because Harriet requested it. If you're not familiar with today's song, you can hear it here.
1) Jeannie was memorably discovered on the beach in an ornate bottle. Have you ever brought a souvenir home from the beach? (It doesn't have to be a genie. A shell or a stone will do.)
A. I have shells and a starfish around here somewhere. Postcards, too. I like to pick up postcards when we go on vacation. I have no idea why, it's not like I have them in a nice collection or anything.
2) Major Anthony Nelson, the man who released Jeannie from her bottle, was an astronaut. When you were a kid, did you dream of being an astronaut when you grew up?
A. I dreamed of flying through the Bermuda Triangle until I disappeared. I don't think that is "astronaut" but it is strange enough to qualify for . . . something.
3) Upon discovering Jeannie, Major Nelson's first wish was that she could speak/understand English so they could communicate. If you found a genie, what would your first wish be?
A. I'm assuming one cannot wish for endless wishes with this request. I think I would wish that all weapons of mass destruction be dismantled and destroyed, never to return to our planet.
4) Major Nelson's best friend was fellow astronaut Major Healey. Where did you meet your best friend?
A. Well, let's see. My longest friendship, aside from my husband, is with L., and I met her because we worked together. Another close friendship came from working together on historic preservation projects. And another just happened, because we took one look at each other and knew instantly we would be friends.
5) This theme song was written by Hugo Montenegro, who is better known for the music he wrote for a pair of Clint Eastwood movies (The Good, the Bad and the Ugly and A Fistful of Dollars). Do you have a favorite Clint Eastwood movie?
A. Not really, no.
6) The last episode of the series was titled, "My Master, The Chili King." What ingredients make up your favorite chili recipe?
A. I don't eat chili because of my ulcers. Rather sad, really.
7) Jeannie was played by Barbara Eden, who was born in Tuscon, Arizona. Summer in Tuscon can get very hot, with the mercury often reaching 100ยบ. What's your favorite season?
A. I like fall and spring. A lovely June day of about 72 degrees is perfect, as is a lovely late October day around the same temperature.
8) Anthony Nelson was played by Larry Hagman, who went on to play the villainous JR on the popular Dallas. Can you think of anything else Dallas is known for?
A. The Cowboys?
9) In the autumn of 1965, just weeks after I Dream of Jeannie premiered, St. Louis' famous Gateway Arch was completed. An estimated 4 million tourists visit the Arch every year. Do you have any summer vacation plans?
A. Not yet. If we go on vacation at all this year, it will be in the fall.
_____________
I encourage you to visit other participants in Saturday 9 posts and leave a comment. Because there are no rules, it is your choice. Saturday 9 players hate rules. We love memes, however.
Because Harriet requested it. If you're not familiar with today's song, you can hear it here.
1) Jeannie was memorably discovered on the beach in an ornate bottle. Have you ever brought a souvenir home from the beach? (It doesn't have to be a genie. A shell or a stone will do.)
A. I have shells and a starfish around here somewhere. Postcards, too. I like to pick up postcards when we go on vacation. I have no idea why, it's not like I have them in a nice collection or anything.
2) Major Anthony Nelson, the man who released Jeannie from her bottle, was an astronaut. When you were a kid, did you dream of being an astronaut when you grew up?
A. I dreamed of flying through the Bermuda Triangle until I disappeared. I don't think that is "astronaut" but it is strange enough to qualify for . . . something.
3) Upon discovering Jeannie, Major Nelson's first wish was that she could speak/understand English so they could communicate. If you found a genie, what would your first wish be?
A. I'm assuming one cannot wish for endless wishes with this request. I think I would wish that all weapons of mass destruction be dismantled and destroyed, never to return to our planet.
4) Major Nelson's best friend was fellow astronaut Major Healey. Where did you meet your best friend?
A. Well, let's see. My longest friendship, aside from my husband, is with L., and I met her because we worked together. Another close friendship came from working together on historic preservation projects. And another just happened, because we took one look at each other and knew instantly we would be friends.
5) This theme song was written by Hugo Montenegro, who is better known for the music he wrote for a pair of Clint Eastwood movies (The Good, the Bad and the Ugly and A Fistful of Dollars). Do you have a favorite Clint Eastwood movie?
A. Not really, no.
6) The last episode of the series was titled, "My Master, The Chili King." What ingredients make up your favorite chili recipe?
A. I don't eat chili because of my ulcers. Rather sad, really.
7) Jeannie was played by Barbara Eden, who was born in Tuscon, Arizona. Summer in Tuscon can get very hot, with the mercury often reaching 100ยบ. What's your favorite season?
A. I like fall and spring. A lovely June day of about 72 degrees is perfect, as is a lovely late October day around the same temperature.
8) Anthony Nelson was played by Larry Hagman, who went on to play the villainous JR on the popular Dallas. Can you think of anything else Dallas is known for?
A. The Cowboys?
9) In the autumn of 1965, just weeks after I Dream of Jeannie premiered, St. Louis' famous Gateway Arch was completed. An estimated 4 million tourists visit the Arch every year. Do you have any summer vacation plans?
A. Not yet. If we go on vacation at all this year, it will be in the fall.
_____________
I encourage you to visit other participants in Saturday 9 posts and leave a comment. Because there are no rules, it is your choice. Saturday 9 players hate rules. We love memes, however.
Friday, June 10, 2016
Boots, Gandalf, and Galadriel
Yesterday, I noticed a doe wandering around the house. From the way she was acting, I thought she either had a fawn close by, or was getting ready to have one.
Unfortunately, because the tree limbs hang so low to the ground, I was not able to get good shots of the birth.
I fretted over the little fawn most of the day, because I was afraid I'd interfered with some bonding process or something. I saw Boots come back about 11:30, but when I went out at 2 p.m. to see, the little fawn was still there. But sometime between 2 and 5, she came back and found it. I was quite relieved.
The little twins now sport the names Gandalf and Galadriel. In a few weeks I won't know which fawns running around here are them, actually, so I suppose every fawn this summer will be called those names.
It made for an interesting change of pace, at any rate.
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| I named her "Boots" because of her two front white legs. |
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| Around 10 a.m., I glanced out my window to see Boots beneath the blue spruce, having a baby! |
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| It turned out to be two babies! |
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| One was a little darker in color and larger than the other. |
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| They were about the size of large rabbits. |
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| They moved out into the sunshine for a minute. |
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| Mom stood up, and they went back to get their first milk. |
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| Mom sure picked good covering, didn't she? |
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| That was hard work, I'm sure, having just been born! |
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| Then she moved them, as I knew she would. I went to the other window and grabbed this shot as they passed our tiny little garden. |
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| I was able to get a good shot of this one! |
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| I waited just a moment - I don't walk that fast, anyway - and then slipped out the back door to see where they went. I saw Boots with this baby, but the other was nowhere to be seen. |
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| Then I spotted it peeking around this tree. It was a long way from it's mother. I started backing toward the door. |
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| To my surprise, the little one went in the other direction. |
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| I snapped shots as I backed away and went to go back inside. |
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| The baby took a couple of hops, and ended up under another blue spruce. |
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| And this is where it lay for hours. |
The little twins now sport the names Gandalf and Galadriel. In a few weeks I won't know which fawns running around here are them, actually, so I suppose every fawn this summer will be called those names.
It made for an interesting change of pace, at any rate.
Thursday, June 09, 2016
Thursday 13
I was not able to have children. Therefore, I never comment directly on how other people raise their brats, er, kids. The obvious come-back is, of course, "What do you know? You never had a child." That's legitimate, so I keep my mouth shut unless what I have to say is a compliment.
But over the years, I have watched a multitude of parents with their children. I went to my nephews' ballgames and my niece's dances, when I could. I am not a hermit, and so I see children in public places. It is not as if I have never seen a child in the last 30 years.
Also, I like children. But I do not like all children. And more and more, I don't like your child, whoever you are, because your kid is foul-mouthed, rude, crude, whiny, or ignorant, and you don't even know it. Or if you do, you don't care. Or worse, you think that's normal and okay.
Personally, I do not think most people raise children anymore. I think adults befriend their little angel and they kowtow to them, and they allow the children to run the family. I think some adults forget that the marriage comes first, and the children second. I also think we have turned young adults into children, keeping them young for far too long. Maybe 18 is a little young to send them packing, but they should be away from mom and day by the time they're 25 or so.
Older generations knew this. Yes, they made mistakes with their children. Some were too hard on their kids. Some didn't raise their kids at all. But middle-class kids today? I have started staying as far from them as I can, unless they're a relative. So here are some of the things I've seen and wondered about.
1. Parents on their cell phones completely ignoring the child. That little box in your hand is not more important than the human being tugging on your leg. Please look up from your Candy Crush game and give the child another sip of Coke or take her to the bathroom or whatever it is that needs doing.
2. Allowing children to wander. This happens in restaurants more than it should. Parents bring in their kids, and the kids, apparently already wired, start racing around tables, jumping from chair to chair, and generally being pains in the ass to nearby patrons, who deserve better. And the parents? They carry on a conversation with their friends (or with their cellphone), totally clueless as to the havoc being wrecked by their young ones.
3. Allowing kids to yell. And yell. And yell. If you can't calm your child down within two minutes, then take the kid out to the car. Do you really think the people at the next table, or on the next blanket at the beach, or in the next aisle at the supermarket, or wherever you are, want to hear your little darling screaming constantly at the top of his lungs for 20 minutes? Guess what. We don't.
4. Not letting the child take the punishment. Sometimes kids deserve the F they received on the paper, and having mom or dad rush in and bitch at the teacher until she caves and makes it a C- does no one any favors. Sometimes they need to hear the neighbor next door yell at them because they stomped on her flowers. She's right, you know. They misbehaved. You should make them apologize, not yell at the neighbor.
5. Overprotecting a kid. Kids grow tough by falling on their bottoms and getting back up, whether that's a literal fall for a toddler or a metaphorical fall for the 8th grader who is having friend troubles. If you step in and solve every little thing, how is the child going to learn to be brave, to stand back up, to continue to work at an issue? You're just teaching them to run to momma or daddy. They have two feet. Let them stand on them.
6. Thinking the kid is perfect. Your child is not perfect. No one is. I'm sorry you don't want me to tell you that having your child stick his tongue out at me (or giving me the finger) is not fine, but it isn't. That is not perfect behavior. That is boorish and rude behavior. And that drawing looks nothing like a dinosaur, so no, he's not the next Michelangelo.
7. Not teaching manners. I seldom hear children say the magic words of please, thank you, yes sir, and yes ma'am anymore. Actually, I don't hear that from many people at all, and those words need to make a come back. How hard is it to say "Pass me the salt, please" and "Thank you" when the deed is done?
8. Parents who live through their children. Didn't get to be on the football team in high school? Let's see if we can't make little Johnny a quarterback (even though he'd rather play chess) and turn him into a bruiser. Didn't get to learn French? Let's make Susie take it even though she'd rather learn Latin. Don't do that. They need guidance, not a dragging through the mud to make them do something just because you want to pretend it's really you out there. And for heaven's sake, don't have the wedding of your dreams when your daughter gets married. Let her have the wedding of her dreams. If they don't match yours, suck it up.
9. Not joining together as a team when couples parent. It makes me crazy to hear a dad say, "don't do that" to a misbehaving child only to hear the mom pipe up, "oh Bill, he's just being a boy, he's not bothering anybody." Yes he is, lady. He's bothering me. And you and your husband should spend some time discussing what you want in child rearing, and come to a compromise on it, and support one another.
10. Not giving children chores. I think children should have chores, and no, they shouldn't be paid for them. Some things should be done just because they are part of the household. When they're old enough, they should be able to strip their own bed, take out the trash, put their clothes in the hamper, wash dishes, or whatever. "Old enough" doesn't mean when they are 18, either. It means they receive certain jobs as they age. A two year old can pick up her own toys. Make her do it. (As an aside, I have been horrified to see some young parents on FB talking about when to potty train - and they think three or four is too young. I think that's too old.)
11. Not enjoying their children. This kind of goes back to #1. Your kids are not going to be little for very long. You are missing out on many things because you're so self-involved or whatever it is. You have to find that fine line between over-parenting and proper parenting. It's like the line between correction and abuse. I promise you, those lines are there somewhere.
12. Raising your kid to be what you want and not paying attention to who they are. Maybe you have a sensitive artistic genius on your hands, and you want him to play baseball. You are going to make the kid miserable, because he is going to try to please you and will fail. Maybe you want her to be a secretary in your business when you should be putting her through school so she can come back and be head of the marketing department, because she likes to write. Learn who your child is as a person, not as an extension of yourself.
13. Forgetting that your actions speak louder than your words. If you are a male who denigrates women, your son will grow up to do the same thing. If you are a woman who cowers from an abusive husband, your daughter will likely end up the same way. If you curse, don't expect those words not to spew from your child's mouth. If you yell, your kid will yell. If you demand, your kid will demand. If you want to raise a nice person, be a nice person.
And if you can't be a nice person, maybe you should not have had kids.
Check out John Rosamond's "Bill of Rights" for kids for some quick advice on child rearing.
_____________
Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here if you want to read other Thursday Thirteens and/or play along. I've been playing for a while and this is my 451st time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday.
But over the years, I have watched a multitude of parents with their children. I went to my nephews' ballgames and my niece's dances, when I could. I am not a hermit, and so I see children in public places. It is not as if I have never seen a child in the last 30 years.
Also, I like children. But I do not like all children. And more and more, I don't like your child, whoever you are, because your kid is foul-mouthed, rude, crude, whiny, or ignorant, and you don't even know it. Or if you do, you don't care. Or worse, you think that's normal and okay.
Personally, I do not think most people raise children anymore. I think adults befriend their little angel and they kowtow to them, and they allow the children to run the family. I think some adults forget that the marriage comes first, and the children second. I also think we have turned young adults into children, keeping them young for far too long. Maybe 18 is a little young to send them packing, but they should be away from mom and day by the time they're 25 or so.
Older generations knew this. Yes, they made mistakes with their children. Some were too hard on their kids. Some didn't raise their kids at all. But middle-class kids today? I have started staying as far from them as I can, unless they're a relative. So here are some of the things I've seen and wondered about.
1. Parents on their cell phones completely ignoring the child. That little box in your hand is not more important than the human being tugging on your leg. Please look up from your Candy Crush game and give the child another sip of Coke or take her to the bathroom or whatever it is that needs doing.
2. Allowing children to wander. This happens in restaurants more than it should. Parents bring in their kids, and the kids, apparently already wired, start racing around tables, jumping from chair to chair, and generally being pains in the ass to nearby patrons, who deserve better. And the parents? They carry on a conversation with their friends (or with their cellphone), totally clueless as to the havoc being wrecked by their young ones.
3. Allowing kids to yell. And yell. And yell. If you can't calm your child down within two minutes, then take the kid out to the car. Do you really think the people at the next table, or on the next blanket at the beach, or in the next aisle at the supermarket, or wherever you are, want to hear your little darling screaming constantly at the top of his lungs for 20 minutes? Guess what. We don't.
4. Not letting the child take the punishment. Sometimes kids deserve the F they received on the paper, and having mom or dad rush in and bitch at the teacher until she caves and makes it a C- does no one any favors. Sometimes they need to hear the neighbor next door yell at them because they stomped on her flowers. She's right, you know. They misbehaved. You should make them apologize, not yell at the neighbor.
5. Overprotecting a kid. Kids grow tough by falling on their bottoms and getting back up, whether that's a literal fall for a toddler or a metaphorical fall for the 8th grader who is having friend troubles. If you step in and solve every little thing, how is the child going to learn to be brave, to stand back up, to continue to work at an issue? You're just teaching them to run to momma or daddy. They have two feet. Let them stand on them.
6. Thinking the kid is perfect. Your child is not perfect. No one is. I'm sorry you don't want me to tell you that having your child stick his tongue out at me (or giving me the finger) is not fine, but it isn't. That is not perfect behavior. That is boorish and rude behavior. And that drawing looks nothing like a dinosaur, so no, he's not the next Michelangelo.
7. Not teaching manners. I seldom hear children say the magic words of please, thank you, yes sir, and yes ma'am anymore. Actually, I don't hear that from many people at all, and those words need to make a come back. How hard is it to say "Pass me the salt, please" and "Thank you" when the deed is done?
8. Parents who live through their children. Didn't get to be on the football team in high school? Let's see if we can't make little Johnny a quarterback (even though he'd rather play chess) and turn him into a bruiser. Didn't get to learn French? Let's make Susie take it even though she'd rather learn Latin. Don't do that. They need guidance, not a dragging through the mud to make them do something just because you want to pretend it's really you out there. And for heaven's sake, don't have the wedding of your dreams when your daughter gets married. Let her have the wedding of her dreams. If they don't match yours, suck it up.
9. Not joining together as a team when couples parent. It makes me crazy to hear a dad say, "don't do that" to a misbehaving child only to hear the mom pipe up, "oh Bill, he's just being a boy, he's not bothering anybody." Yes he is, lady. He's bothering me. And you and your husband should spend some time discussing what you want in child rearing, and come to a compromise on it, and support one another.
10. Not giving children chores. I think children should have chores, and no, they shouldn't be paid for them. Some things should be done just because they are part of the household. When they're old enough, they should be able to strip their own bed, take out the trash, put their clothes in the hamper, wash dishes, or whatever. "Old enough" doesn't mean when they are 18, either. It means they receive certain jobs as they age. A two year old can pick up her own toys. Make her do it. (As an aside, I have been horrified to see some young parents on FB talking about when to potty train - and they think three or four is too young. I think that's too old.)
11. Not enjoying their children. This kind of goes back to #1. Your kids are not going to be little for very long. You are missing out on many things because you're so self-involved or whatever it is. You have to find that fine line between over-parenting and proper parenting. It's like the line between correction and abuse. I promise you, those lines are there somewhere.
12. Raising your kid to be what you want and not paying attention to who they are. Maybe you have a sensitive artistic genius on your hands, and you want him to play baseball. You are going to make the kid miserable, because he is going to try to please you and will fail. Maybe you want her to be a secretary in your business when you should be putting her through school so she can come back and be head of the marketing department, because she likes to write. Learn who your child is as a person, not as an extension of yourself.
13. Forgetting that your actions speak louder than your words. If you are a male who denigrates women, your son will grow up to do the same thing. If you are a woman who cowers from an abusive husband, your daughter will likely end up the same way. If you curse, don't expect those words not to spew from your child's mouth. If you yell, your kid will yell. If you demand, your kid will demand. If you want to raise a nice person, be a nice person.
And if you can't be a nice person, maybe you should not have had kids.
Check out John Rosamond's "Bill of Rights" for kids for some quick advice on child rearing.
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Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here if you want to read other Thursday Thirteens and/or play along. I've been playing for a while and this is my 451st time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday.
Wednesday, June 08, 2016
It's my party. I'll cry if I want to.
So today is my birthday.
I am sick with a sinus infection and an upper respiratory infection (apparently two different things). My doctor yesterday gave me an antibiotic and told me to go home, go to bed, and sleep all I could.
My husband won't be taking me to dinner and plans with friends later in the week likely will be postponed. It is not the end of the world, but I'm not happy about it. Fortunately, I tend to celebrate my birthday all month. Why not, right? You're only going to have that particular birthday once.
Friends have already sent me nice cards. My father sent a gift card. My brother gave me an Erector set! (I'm coloring and playing with kid toys; apparently a full-on reversion to childhood is underway.) Another friend gave me a harmonica (though I won't play that while I'm ill - who wants a harmonica full of germs?) and a book, too.
A girl should be well on her birthday. A girl should not spend a beautiful day in bed.
But a girl will.
I am sick with a sinus infection and an upper respiratory infection (apparently two different things). My doctor yesterday gave me an antibiotic and told me to go home, go to bed, and sleep all I could.
My husband won't be taking me to dinner and plans with friends later in the week likely will be postponed. It is not the end of the world, but I'm not happy about it. Fortunately, I tend to celebrate my birthday all month. Why not, right? You're only going to have that particular birthday once.
Friends have already sent me nice cards. My father sent a gift card. My brother gave me an Erector set! (I'm coloring and playing with kid toys; apparently a full-on reversion to childhood is underway.) Another friend gave me a harmonica (though I won't play that while I'm ill - who wants a harmonica full of germs?) and a book, too.
A girl should be well on her birthday. A girl should not spend a beautiful day in bed.
But a girl will.
Tuesday, June 07, 2016
Monday, June 06, 2016
He's How Old?
Yesterday, my brother turned 50 years old. I have been older than 50 for almost three years now, but the idea that he would turn 50 seemed strange to me.
I still see him as . . . maybe 15? But there are lots of years in there, lots of time passed.
He was not a mean boy, but he was a boy. He cut all the hair off of my Barbies, including a Midge doll that belonged to my mother. I think she was more upset about that than I was. He left my bicycle behind my father's truck, and when my father backed over it, I took the whipping for leaving it there even though I had absolutely nothing to do with it.
When he was in the 4th grade, the school bus driver went off and left him. This was not a small thing in a rural area - both of my parents were working, the bus ride was an hour long, and I had no way to let them know he was stranded at the elementary school (this was in 1975, after all). On top of that, the bus driver had said he could go back in the school and get something he forgot, and then left without him. I told her off as I exited the bus.
I went straight to the principal the next morning to report the bus driver, who had already beaten me to the punch, of course. But given the circumstances, I was not punished for my impertinence in defending my sibling.
In high school, I nearly was expelled because some kid was picking on him (he was a freshman, I was a senior), and I jumped on the bully like a goat on a green grass. You just did not pick on my brother if I was around.
After I married, I didn't see so much of him, of course. He was finishing high school, busy dating, and setting himself up to go to work for our father. He married once, divorced, married again, gaining not only a wife but a stepson when he was about 26. He and his wife then had two children of their own.
He was 34 when our mother passed away. Even now, 16 years later, I will never forget the look on his face when I met him in the hospital halls and told him she had pancreatic cancer. Some things burn themselves into your brain.
Every year, even during some rough family times when we were barely speaking, we exchange Christmas presents. It is tradition for us to open the present from each other on Christmas Eve. We didn't break it. Or at least, I didn't. There were a few years I didn't see him on Christmas Eve, so I don't know if he opened whatever I sent him. I hope so.
And now he's 50 years old. He runs a big company, his children are grown, or nearly so. We talk a couple of times a month on the phone.
He's an antique, just like I am. But I will always be older.
I still see him as . . . maybe 15? But there are lots of years in there, lots of time passed.
He was not a mean boy, but he was a boy. He cut all the hair off of my Barbies, including a Midge doll that belonged to my mother. I think she was more upset about that than I was. He left my bicycle behind my father's truck, and when my father backed over it, I took the whipping for leaving it there even though I had absolutely nothing to do with it.
When he was in the 4th grade, the school bus driver went off and left him. This was not a small thing in a rural area - both of my parents were working, the bus ride was an hour long, and I had no way to let them know he was stranded at the elementary school (this was in 1975, after all). On top of that, the bus driver had said he could go back in the school and get something he forgot, and then left without him. I told her off as I exited the bus.
I went straight to the principal the next morning to report the bus driver, who had already beaten me to the punch, of course. But given the circumstances, I was not punished for my impertinence in defending my sibling.
In high school, I nearly was expelled because some kid was picking on him (he was a freshman, I was a senior), and I jumped on the bully like a goat on a green grass. You just did not pick on my brother if I was around.
After I married, I didn't see so much of him, of course. He was finishing high school, busy dating, and setting himself up to go to work for our father. He married once, divorced, married again, gaining not only a wife but a stepson when he was about 26. He and his wife then had two children of their own.
He was 34 when our mother passed away. Even now, 16 years later, I will never forget the look on his face when I met him in the hospital halls and told him she had pancreatic cancer. Some things burn themselves into your brain.
Every year, even during some rough family times when we were barely speaking, we exchange Christmas presents. It is tradition for us to open the present from each other on Christmas Eve. We didn't break it. Or at least, I didn't. There were a few years I didn't see him on Christmas Eve, so I don't know if he opened whatever I sent him. I hope so.
And now he's 50 years old. He runs a big company, his children are grown, or nearly so. We talk a couple of times a month on the phone.
He's an antique, just like I am. But I will always be older.
 |
| Me with my little brother. |
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| Christmas circa 1974, maybe? |
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| My brothers' senior picture. |
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| My brother at my wedding. |
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| My brother last year at his daughter's baptism. |
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| My brother last month. |
Sunday, June 05, 2016
Sunday Stealing: Meal Skipper
Meal Skipper Meme
1. Do you skip meals sometimes? A. Yes
2. Last time you overate? A. My husband's birthday.
3. Do you like Mexican food? A. No.
4. Do you like Chinese food? A. Yes.
5. Do you like Italian food? A. No. Well, I do, but it doesn't like me much.
6. Do you like American food? A. I guess so. What exactly is American food? Kellogg's cereals?
7. Have you ever been on a diet? A. I'm old and fat. What do you think?
8. Do you like vegetables? A. Yes.
9. On a scale from 1 to 5 how much do you eat a day (1= not eating, 5= eating 3 meals)? A. 5
10. Do you think you eat healthily? A. Not really.
11. Do you think you are ugly? A. This is not a question I care to answer.
12. Do you like your hair? A. It's okay.
13. Do you like the way you look? A. Generally.
14. Would you want to change anything? A. I'd like to lose weight.
15. Do you ever wear a lucky color? A. No.
16. Do you care how other people see you? A. Sometimes.
17. Do you or have you ever worn braces? A. Yes.
18. Do you wear glasses and/or contacts? A. Yes.
19. Do you want to gain weight, lose weight, or stay about the same? A. Lose weight.
20. What do you do if you have the flu? A. Go to bed.
21. How many tries to get your drivers license? A. One.
22. Are you saving up for anything in the future? A. Yes.
23. Do you have a lot of spare time? A. Yes.
24. Do you consider yourself a responsible person? A. Yes.
25. Do you consider yourself a lazy person? A. No.
1. Do you skip meals sometimes? A. Yes
2. Last time you overate? A. My husband's birthday.
3. Do you like Mexican food? A. No.
4. Do you like Chinese food? A. Yes.
5. Do you like Italian food? A. No. Well, I do, but it doesn't like me much.
6. Do you like American food? A. I guess so. What exactly is American food? Kellogg's cereals?
7. Have you ever been on a diet? A. I'm old and fat. What do you think?
8. Do you like vegetables? A. Yes.
9. On a scale from 1 to 5 how much do you eat a day (1= not eating, 5= eating 3 meals)? A. 5
10. Do you think you eat healthily? A. Not really.
11. Do you think you are ugly? A. This is not a question I care to answer.
12. Do you like your hair? A. It's okay.
13. Do you like the way you look? A. Generally.
14. Would you want to change anything? A. I'd like to lose weight.
15. Do you ever wear a lucky color? A. No.
16. Do you care how other people see you? A. Sometimes.
17. Do you or have you ever worn braces? A. Yes.
18. Do you wear glasses and/or contacts? A. Yes.
19. Do you want to gain weight, lose weight, or stay about the same? A. Lose weight.
20. What do you do if you have the flu? A. Go to bed.
21. How many tries to get your drivers license? A. One.
22. Are you saving up for anything in the future? A. Yes.
23. Do you have a lot of spare time? A. Yes.
24. Do you consider yourself a responsible person? A. Yes.
25. Do you consider yourself a lazy person? A. No.
__________
I encourage you to visit other participants in Sunday Stealing posts and leave a comment. Cheers to all us thieves who love memes, however we come by them.
I encourage you to visit other participants in Sunday Stealing posts and leave a comment. Cheers to all us thieves who love memes, however we come by them.
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