Saturday, November 12, 2011

Thesis Dreams

I dreamed about my thesis last night. Or rather, about not writing my thesis.

For those who may not know, I have to write a thesis in order to obtain my masters of arts in liberal studies degree at Hollins University. It is the last thing I have to do. It must be at least 50 pages long and it must be completed in March.

It has been haunting me since I returned to school in February. So it is no wonder that now I dream about it.

In my dream, I visited someone named Mary Prophet, and she told me to go see Dr. Charles Fuller, the pastor at the chapel, because he would help me. (Local folks who have lived here for a while will recognize the name. A pastor at one of the churches in downtown Roanoke had that name; he used to do God's Minute or something like that on the radio. I have no idea why the name came to me in this dream.)

For the longest time I wandered around the Hollins campus trying to find the chapel, and along the way I realized the problem wasn't that I couldn't write, but that I was fearful of writing things that would bother other people, like if I wrote about something terrible I did as a teenager it would tip off my mother that I had done that bad thing, or what-have-you, and as I pondered this new revelation, I finally found the chapel.

A big burly man stopped me and asked me if I had an appointment to see Dr. Fuller. I said no, but Mary Prophet sent me. He bade me sit in the entryway on a very hard bench, and he disappeared and then came back. I told him he looked like a Gestapo policeman, and he folded his arms and said, "Hmmph."

Then a very small man tossing flowers behind his back came in, and the Gestapo man nodded and said there he is. And I was surprised because Dr. Fuller was absolutely crazy; he was like a nice version of Gollum (from Lord of the Rings), with a bit of Yoda (from Star Wars)thrown in for good measure, and he talked about his daffodils. A small child was also with him, a young boy about 9. The man prodded me forward, and Dr. Fuller looked at me expectantly, and I finally told him I was having trouble with my thesis.

"Smell the flowers!" Dr. Fuller cried, and he ran away. The small boy took my hand and led me toward the gate.

"Why doesn't anyone know about this? This isn't right," I asked the boy as he led me away. I was distressed that this man who was supposed to be helping me and other people was, for all intents and purposes, a lunatic.

"We have to keep our secrets," he said.

"But this isn't a good secret," I cried. "This hurts people."

And the boy nodded, shut the gate behind me, and I stood facing a daffodil-covered meadow at the edge of a forest.

6 comments:

  1. Hmm,curiouser and curiouser. This dream is loaded!
    Here's my amateur analysis: You should trust your own judgment on how/what to write.
    And, obviously, do not look to the so-called experts who are actually lunatics. : ) What a creepy man you dreamed up!

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  2. So, he sounds a bit like 'the man behind the curtain' in The Wizard of Oz who you should 'pay no attention to'. HA. Are you sure your name isn't Dorothy??

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  3. I have absolutely no idea about the meaning of the dream. I am, however, impressed that you remembered it in such vivid detail. If you ever write a novel, perhaps you should call it "Smell the Flowers." Or maybe not:-)

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  4. Write what you're heart's telling you to write :)

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  5. Sis,
    As your brother of 45 years, I have seen you create absolutely wonderful things from words alone.I have read things that virtually no one else has had the opportunity to read. Great things. Stop letting this Thesis eat away at you. You can do this with ease. Whatever you end up writing about, it will be wonderful. Where is it written that everyone has to like what you say, do or think? We are all our own persona and have our own opinions. That's freedom. Step out that doorway and walk thru the flowers into the wide open spaces. Take in the smells and sounds of the world. You are alone in that field for a purpose.....To show you that only you can do this for yourself and there is not a person that should matter in opinions or otherwise that should have any influence on your choices. After all... if we can't please ourself, how will we ever be able to please others?

    Love ya!
    Diddle

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  6. Interesting to me that her name was Prophet. When you said 'why doesn't anyone know about this?' I thought you meant the garden and when I heard the crazy man say 'smell the flower,' I thought of the saying 'stop and smell the flowers' which to me said 'take time to stop and enjoy life' and the rest will follow. I also see your calling of bringing some unknown knowledge to others here.

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