Monday, March 31, 2008

Farewell and Amen

Yesterday I spent quite a bit of time updating my links. I finally was able to reach my widgets in my Blogger layout.
I knew that some of my links were bad, because I had visited a couple of blogs and found the owners had either made them private or deleted them.

It always makes me sad when a relationship in which I've invested some time ends. Blogs in particular create an intimate relationship between reader and writer. The person is not exactly a friend, but neither is he or she an unknown entity.

A couple of these blogs I had read for several years, and I will keenly feel their absence.

Why do people, words, books, etc. come into our lives? Does the universe (or God) say, "You can learn from this person." Or perhaps this person can learn from you? And when the learning is over, the person vanishes? Is that how it works?

I have been through what seems like a very large number of relationships. If I were to recount them one by one, you'd think me a very difficult person indeed if I couldn't keep all of these people in my life. But I suspect many people have the same tale.

Many of these folks were coworkers. Why is it that when someone changes jobs, the friendship ends? I used to work in the legal field and even if I stayed in the same career but went to a different office, the old coworkers soon stopped calling or responding to my calls. Sometimes it happened within a matter of days, not weeks. Once it even happened within the same firm, and just because I moved down the hall!

Suddenly that bond isn't there anymore. Nobody does anything wrong, but Time steps in and Change takes over. And just like that, relationships end.

I have some relationships that have lasted quite a long time. My husband has stuck with me for going on 25 years - 26 if you count the year we dated. He should get a medal!

I am in touch with few friends from school, I'm sad to say, but there are one or two whom I see infrequently. Some I even consider good friends, even if all we do is exchange Christmas cards. I consider myself fortunate to still do that.

A former coworker, L., has been my friend for 25 years. There are long periods of time where we don't see each other or speak much, but then, like magic, we're having lunch and it is as if we still worked in the same office.

My closest girlfriend, B., has been listening to me whine for almost 10 years now. Ours is definitely an adult relationship, based on the persons we are now, not who we were so long ago. I kind of like that lack of history.

I even have longevity in online relationships. I have corresponded with C.J. for close to 15 years now. We met on AOL and have stayed in touch all this time. She is like a distant younger sister. My other friend, I., has been a near-daily pen pal for seven years. And I've been on a list with the same bunch of women for going on nigh seven years, too. And there are others I've know and still hear from occasionally that I've been writing to since 1995.

I also have worked off and on with one of my editors for about 23 years, and nearly 10 with another.*

I think those are very long relationships indeed and I treasure them. I wish I could keep all my friends close by, and never have them walk out of my life.

But alas, they turn to "private" and all I can do is watch them go.

*Added later


  1. I've been tempted to privatize my blog as well, solely because I feel like I'm being stalked by the Evil One and her cronies, who just can't get enough of my life. BTW, I noticed she visited you yesterday from my blog. Ideally there would be a way to keep out certain IP addresses. If I do go private I'll be certain to let you know where to find me.

  2. It's the nature of life: people come and people go. Some stay for a long time, others just a minute. Sometimes it's hard to accept these transitions. For one thing, there's a sense of loss for the gifts received from the person...and too it tends to bring to mind the fact that our lives are passing by. And of course,there's always the question of why and why now.

    On the other hand, isn't it fun to have a friend you can just pick up with anytime you see matter how long the space in between!

  3. I completely avoid updating my links for this very reason. I hate to "delete" anyone but eventually we have to clean out the closet.

  4. I seem to miss people if I don't hear from them. It's virtual, but quite a valid connection.


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