Tongue in cheek

Over on Facebook, some of the locals (Republicans) have started a "cut my taxes, I want small government" type of group. This is a response to a comment that the chairman of the Board of Supervisors made about increasing the meals and lodging taxes, as well as the new real estate reassessment numbers, which for some folks (including myself) went up in spite of the national decline in housing values.

People cry, "don't raise my taxes" but they never say what they will do without. Statewide, you hear that with the gas tax, for instance. Fix the roads but don't raise taxes to do it. Do these people not realize it would be cheaper to pay the gas tax than to fix their shocks or their busted tires? Not to mention the time spent without a car while it is being fixed. So when I hit a pothole, I thank a Republican.

I have no children. I receive absolutely nothing from the school system, but they did educate me a very long time ago. This county has no trash pickup, they don't clear my sidewalk because I don't have one. I do use the libraries and I expect a sheriff's deputy to come with siren blasting should I have need to dial 911. Otherwise I don't really get much for my tax dollars. But frankly, I consider it a privilege to live here, and I don't mind paying my taxes and I don't mind paying so that others may have services, even if I don't use them. But apparently I am a rarity.

Anyway, locally, this county does not have serious government bloat. But let's just cut these taxes and services. I want to see what we will do without. I have been writing about the county budget for five years; I happen to have a copy of the county's budget (but not the school budget) right on my desk.

So let's talk numbers. The county spends about $90 million a year. The school system gets over half of that, about $53 million.

That $90 million comes from state, federal and local taxes. Local taxes - the ones the supervisors have any control over - make up about $41 million. That includes real estate, personal property, business taxes, machinery and tools - all of that stuff. The monies are all lumped together in the budget, so it is difficult to tell what state monies pay for and what local dollars purchase. But $41 million is less than half the budget.

So let's cut some stuff. I'm going to try to cut $41 million out of the local county budget. That means there would be little to no local tax! Yippee.

By the way, just for fun let's say that this $41 million works out to be about $2,700 annually for each tax-paying person in the county, if you figure 15,000 of us pay taxes (that's less than half of the population paying taxes, and I honestly don't know what the real figure is. I'm just guessing.) That really isn't what we pay because businesses pay big chunks in machinery and tools taxes and business license taxes, etc. But for my purposes, I am going to look at it like that.

Using this fantasy, each million the county spends costs each taxpayer about $66.

Numbers are so much fun to manipulate.

But here we go! I'm making cuts (this is all tongue-in-cheek, for those who can't recognize sarcasm when they read it).

1. Parks and recreation. We don't need all those little ball games for the kids, do we? I sure don't. We don't need those ball fields at the schools mowed (the county parks & rec folks do that) and we don't need that senior van that picks up the old folks and takes them to the doctor. We don't need the fishing thing, or the Easter Egg Hunt, or the bridge club for the older generation. We don't need the grounds mowed at Greenfield. Let's get rid of all of that. That's $1.1 million for parks & recreation staff, $77,000 for the senior van program. Oh yeah, let's close the Sports Complex, too. That's another $350,000 right there. We're up to $1.5 million gone. Here's your $99 a year back!

2. Libraries. I guess these go next, even though I do love my library. But we don't need free books, DVDs, books on tapes, right? We don't need access to the Internet, free WiFi. We don't need a place to take the kids for children's program. We don't need those meeting rooms, either (because we're going to nail these buildings shut and maybe sell them). Nevermind that enough stuff is checked out to represent frequent visits by all 32,000 county residents. Let's close these suckers, all of them. That will save $1.1 million. Here's another $70 a year back to you! Will you buy books and DVDs with it?

3. Emergency Services. I hate to see these guys go, but we used to be all-volunteer so we'll go back to that. I mean, so what if when my mother was dying of cancer we had to wait for an hour and 20 minutes for an ambulance to come from Eagle Rock? So what if she was in so much pain we couldn't touch her and all we could do was watch her writhe in agony while we waited for help? We have to keep those tax dollars down! So let's lose this $850,000 in staffing costs plus the $1.5 million the county gives to the volunteers who still run calls. Whew! That's a big cut, with $2.4 million gone. Here's $150 a year back to you! I personally hope it burns a big hole in your damn pocket. May you never need these services, you A-hole.

4. Animal control. Here's a quick way to lose a half-million from the budget! Besides, we don't need the dog catcher coming to get the strays, do we? We don't need him to come and shoot the wounded deer on the side of the road, or get the skunk out of the basement, or any of those other things that animal control people do. Here's $33 back to you!

Gosh, all of these services gone and we're only up to $5.5 million dollars. I've only saved each taxpayer $360! Who knew that those dollars could do so much? Well, let's keep cutting!

5. I want to cut out the school buses. Unfortunately, I don't have a copy of the school budget, just the county one, and yes, they are different. So I am going to make this number up. Let's say it costs $2 million to bus the kids. It might only cost $1 million or it may cost $3 million I don't know, but I consider busing a waste, just like you maybe consider libraries a waste. I don't care if you have to quit your job to get your kid to and from school. That isn't my problem. You can go work the night shift. I want my $120 a year back, not spent on hauling your kid so she can get an education.

6. Teachers. Again, I don't have numbers for this, but I think 20-25 students per classroom is too few. Let's double those class sizes. Surely it doesn't matter if your kid needs a little individual attention, right? Let's give her a Popsicle and stick her in the back of the room. This has to save at least $2 million, too, wouldn't you think, if we get rid of half of the teachers? I like these big numbers and getting my money back! Whoo! That's another $120 a year in my pocket!

7. School athletics. I don't care about this one at all. We don't need the football teams, wrestling, baseball, any of that crap. Again, I don't have these numbers but I'm going to say $2 million (because it's an easy figure) and do away with this stuff, too. Because that's another $120 a year in my pocket! Whoo! I can go buy myself a football with that if I want.

8. Okay, back to the county's real budget. Oh, here's refuse disposal. That's $600,000. That's more than $33 annually out of my pocket to get rid of trash. Let's go back to dumping stuff in sinkholes and contaminating the water supply. And I like having the trash along the side of the road, too, don't you? Isn't it colorful?

9. Here's a line item that confuses every one. It's "comprehensive services" which I think is actually foster care. This is $1.4 million dollars. Let's do away with foster care because, well, I don't have kids so I certainly don't need it. What do I care if some child is abused and neglected and left to die in the street? Surely someone will take her in, right? And if not, well ... that's what the pauper's cemetery is for.

10. Let's see. Planning and zoning uses up $377,000 of the county's budget. Let's do away with that. Now, when the house next door to you goes into foreclosure and a pig farmer buys it to make a hog mansion, don't squeal! Because you've saved about $10 annually by not having a planning and zoning department.

11. Community organizations. The county supports a number of nonprofits, like TAP and the Free Clinics and things like that. They give $282,700 in that, which is less than $10 a year out of your pocket. Let's do away with that, too.

Let's see. How much have I cut so far? Gosh, just $14.2 million. I've only saved Joe Taxpayer about $950 annually. I'd better cut some more stuff!

12. How about we cut the voter registrar? Let's not even have that at all. Because we don't care if we vote, and you know it's all rigged anyway. That's $209,000 saved.

13. The sheriff has a big budget of $4.1 million. Let's cut that in half and get rid of $2 million from the sheriff's budget. That means we have half the deputies and detectives on the road. Your stuff get stolen from your back yard? Tough. Hope you have insurance.

14. There is also a $3.5 million budget for the jail. Let's get rid of $3 million of that. When the murders and rapists escape and come after your wife and daughter, I guess that's just your bad luck.

Gosh. There are 14 cuts and I've only chopped out $19.4 million. What else should go, do you think? How about the courts? Commonwealth's attorney? After all, with fewer deputies, we won't be prosecuting as many criminals. Maybe we could get rid of the probation officers? Really, don't you think more of these cuts need to come from schools? Maybe we could close a few schools. Do you volunteer your school for a closure?

Anyway, see, I've halved your local tax dollars by half. Look at all the things you no longer have to pay for.

Is it really worth it? I don't think so. I like having libraries, and I like having the parks mowed. I think kids learn better with smaller classes and I want the youth of today to grow up to be productive and vibrant citizens tomorrow. Even if they aren't mine.

I want foster care, social services, mental health care. As a citizen, it is part of my responsibility to ensure that folks who can't care for themselves are taken care of. Handing out $66 a year to ensure that an abused child is cared for is absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things.

I wish people would stop and think. Because it is obvious to me that they really don't know what they're saying. They don't really know what they're asking for. They don't realize, or maybe they just don't care, that their $66 out of pocket goes a very long way when combined with everyone else's.

All they want to do is cry, "lower my taxes."

For Want of a Sled

Except for one day, I have been stuck at home since January 29. The January 30 snow trapped me, and I did not make it off the hill until Thursday, February 4. The snow the following day left a mess.

The driveway looks like this:



It's very steep. And quite long--almost a quarter of a mile.



I drive a Toyota Camry with a 4 cylinder engine and front wheel drive. The car does fine most of the time but getting it up the ice-and-snow covered driveway is another story.

I could park it and walk it, but the snow is slippery. I am a bit of a klutz. The two together spell "broken arm" or "twisted ankle" or some such. It is not a good plan.

My husband in past snows has actually shoveled out that hill, not with the tractor and blade, which is what you see above. No, he's used his back muscles and sweat to get all the way to the gravel. This time, I have suggested he forgo that. He's pulled something in his shoulder and I don't see any reason to aggravate it.

I cleared the deck myself, for the most part, pulling on boots about every hour and heading out with a squeegee and broom to keep it clear. I have a wounded wrist and I'm not really able to shovel the driveway, too.

With more snow expected, I expect to be home again for most of the week. My husband drives a big pickup truck with four wheel drive and all; he comes and goes at his leisure. If I need to go out, I wait until he can take me.

It is one of the great advantages of working at home.

Dogs

Lately, I have wanted a dog.

Folks who know me will be surprised. Not because I dislike animals, but because I am highly allergic. I am go-to-bed-for-a-month allergic, not just watery-eyes-and-sneezing allergic. When I am around cats and dogs, I choke up, my asthma goes nuts, I lose my voice, my head stuffs up and feels like a big hot air balloon, I have vertigo and I can't stand up. I am quite sick and it lasts for weeks, not days.

So I don't have inside animals.

But I used to.

Growing up, we had lots of dogs. I am not sure I can recall all of them. There was Prince and Princess, two Dalmatians. I think one of them was run over by a milk truck (this was when I was very small and we lived in Salem for a while). There was a German Shepherd whose name I can't remember. Lady? Maybe. And there was a dog named Jinx in there somewhere. Seems like there was a parade of dogs before I was six years old.

We had a dark poodle named Heidi for a very long time; she had puppies, and one of those was Major. We had him for a long time, too. He was white. He died in my brother's arms one day; he had been chasing me in my car as I left for one of my first solo drives. I was 16.

Schooner was a collie or maybe a collie-German shepherd mix. He was around for a very long time, too. He died after I married and left home, I think.

Trixie was my mother's dog; she was a black mixed mutt, rather small. There was another at my parents house about this time whose name escapes me as well. These two dogs came about the time I was leaving home.

My dog, the one that was mine alone, was Ginger, and I purchased her at a flea market in 1984. James and I hadn't been married but a year. I was home alone much of the time and I thought a dog might help.

Ginger was part Eskimo Spitz and part something else, maybe terrier. She never was very big, and unfortunately about this time my allergies worsened (or maybe I finally figured out their cause) and we had to keep her outside on all but the coldest nights. She had her own little house and a blanket, though. I kept the house filled with cedar shavings and I bathed her and combed her, but I did all of that outside. And I had to wear a mask.

She moved with us up the hill from the little house we'd rented from my husband's grandmother, but she didn't like her new home. For a long time I had to drive down the hill and gather her up because she kept going back to the old house. We finally had to pen her up, which I hated, but it was better than letting her wander to the road where the cement trucks raced.

Every day when I came home from work or school, she jumped up and down and greeted me like I'd been gone for weeks. When I began working at home, and we could let her out of her pen because I was there to watch her, I would rise from my desk periodically and tap on the window glass to draw her attention. She would wag her tail and bark at me and sometimes she would put her two front paws on the house and stand on her hind legs, her tail wagging, while she looked in at me. Often I went to the door and bent down and petted her. Then I washed my hands. Damn allergies.

Ginger lived for 17 years, or 119 years in doggy years, which was a very long time for a small dog. I like to think we took good care of her even if we did make her stay outside. She became very feeble and arthritic and when she seemed to be in so much pain that it made us cry to watch her, we put her to sleep. That was in 2001; a double whammy because my mother had passed away about seven months prior.

We did not get another dog. For months I would go to the window and look out, expecting to see her waiting for me. I looked for her every time I drove home. Finally, I stopped hoping.

These days, I have the deer, the rabbits, and the cows, but they are not the same. Some days you want to be licked. You want to feel fur. You want to feel a cold nose under your arm. (Ginger used to poke her nose under my arm, asking me to rub her.) You want to see someone waiting for you. You want that unconditional love.

I know I won't get another dog; my allergies are too bad now. They are worse than they ever were. I can't even visit the homes of friends who have pets, I don't care how much they dust and vacuum. I couldn't love on a dog, couldn't have it inside. I couldn't properly care for a dog and that would be unfair to the animal.

But some days, I want a dog.

Still More Snow, Feb. 5-6, 2010

More Snow Feb. 5-6, 2010

Snow of February 5-6, 2010

Thursday Thirteen: Sites for Writers

Today, I bring you 13 useful websites for writers.

1. Character Building Workshop. If you're interested in creating a character and are stuck, this is a good place to start. If you're interested in taking courses or just being involved in a community, then you might like the Writer's Village home site. They also offer a free 7-week class, which I have taken and found helpful.

2. Writer's Market "Paid Services." This is a listing of stuff writers might like to pay for, like conferences, contests and self-publishing. This is a new site and I haven't fully explored it but it looks like a nice reference.

3. 50 awesome resources for writers. This site has software, most of it open source and free, that writers might find useful.

4. Funds for Writers. C. Hope Clark offers up a listing of grants and contests. She has three different newsletters, two of which are free, and her paid listings are worth the small price she charges.

5. Absolute Write. This site used to be one of my favorites but I find it a little difficult to navigate these days. Even so, there is an awful lot of information there and it is worth checking out.

6. Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America. Even if this is not your genre, there is a lot of information on this site. The "Writer Beware" site in particular is invaluable. There are a lot of people out there who just want your money.

7. MediaBistro. This site is for writing of all kinds, and it offers classes, information, etc. Some of it is free.

8. The Chicago Manual of Style. This is where you go when you need to know where the commas fall, whether to write out numbers or use numerals, that kind of thing. The "questions and answers" section that comes out once a month is a hoot.

9. U. S. Copyright Office. One of the first places you should check out. Understanding and knowing what you're giving away before you sign a contract is incredibly important.

10. Writer's Weekly. This offers up-t0-date information on the industry. Very informative.

11. Behind the Name. If you're interested in naming characters, this is a wonderful site. If you just want to know what your name means, it's a good site, too!

12. National Writers Union. More industry information from a different perspective.

13. American Society of Journalists and Authors. This organization has a strict membership requirement but they offer free information that anyone who writes should find valuable. They send out a public portion of their newsletter each month which offers up interesting articles.

Lots of people play Thursday Thirteen: find out more about it here. My other Thursday Thirteens are here. This is my 125th time I've done this!

Ice photo

Passion Potion #5

Sometimes I do the free things at tarot.com. They are, well, free, for one thing. Occasionally interesting.

The most recent free one was a numerology thing. This is what the sample report gave me. I wonder what folks who know me would say to this?

***********

Your Hidden Passion Number is 5

You love travel, change, and new challenges. You are highly adaptable and versatile. You have a talent for languages, and are generally good with words. Writing, promotion, and public relations work suit you perfectly.

You are sensual and a bit impulsive. You love to satisfy your senses, which can get you into trouble. Overindulgence in food, drink, sex, and drugs are common among people with too many 5s -- six or more.

You are resourceful and original. You have a good sense of humor and a quick tongue.

Your desire for freedom is extremely strong and it will take effort and discipline to stick with whatever it is you started. There is a tendency to give up a project or situation prematurely.

You may be interested in too many things, which can make it hard for you to apply yourself to one area successfully.

You are very unconventional.

Commitment in relationships and your work is fundamental to your happiness. You may have a tendency to wander from person to person, job to job, making depth of relationship or deep expertise difficult.

*************

I would argue that being married for 26 years makes that last part, at least with regards to person to person, a little, um, wrong. It takes a lot of work to stay married that long.

Also, I have been freelancing since 1994, which is a long time. But, freelancing is kind of a "jack of all trades and master of none" type of job, so I think there is a bit of truth there.

As for the rest of it... well, I can't argue with much of it.

Books: Lady of the Forest

Lady of the Forest
By Jennifer Roberson
Copyright 1992
593 pages

I picked this book up in the bargain bin at Books-A-Million over the Christmas holidays. While it was rather long, I greatly enjoyed it.

This a re-telling of the Robin Hood legend. It is more of a prequel, really. The author introduces the main characters - Marian, Robert of Locksley, Little John, Will Scarlett, the Sheriff of Nottingham - and the sets out to explain how they all come together.

The tell dwells on Marian and Robert and is told, generally, from their point of view. Marian in the beginning is a bit of a bubble head but she quickly moves from budding young woman into adulthood and "finds her spine," as she puts it. While she is still acted upon, mostly, it is fitting in this setting. After all, she is of somewhat noble birth and that is how she was raised to act and perform.

Robert is tortured young man in this book. His time in the Crusades have not been years of rejoicing. Rumors of an affair between him and King Richard are rampant. His father, the Earl of Hunnington, is a humorless and powerful man who thinks of Richard not as his son, or even as a man, but only as the possessor of his bloodline.

The Sheriff of Nottingham turns out to be a rather complex character. Near the end of the book his ideology changes and it seems to me that, out of this whole long exposition of nearly 600 pages, a paragraph went missing at that point that aptly explained exactly why his lust for Marian vanished. Or maybe I just missed it. In any event, except for that puzzle, his character was finely crafted and nicely done. He wasn't necessarily a bad or evil man; he was a product of his time, and the author did a nice job of portraying that.

I had never read a Jennifer Roberson book before but apparently she has written over 20, mostly fantasy. There is a sequel to Lady of the Forest, as well. While I may not go hunting for it, certainly should I find it in the bargain bin, I won't hesitate to pick it up.

Sunday Afternoon

I sit in my office, which is really a converted spare bedroom in the house, staring out the window.

The snow sparkled this morning, but after a day of brilliant blue sky and warm sun rays, it is now a solid, secure white blanket that covers the world. The sparkles are gone.

That same sun must be awfully warm where it shines, because I see water drip-drip-dripping from the tips of the big blue spruce. The tree limbs are mottled with the white of the snow and the darkness of the evergreen beneath. It is lovely.

Yet the air is frigid, and I can feel it trying to seep through the windows. The sun is a deceptive villain, making it look like it should be warm and sultry. The moon, now, this morning she was warning me of the cold when I looked out to see her shining brightly above the mountain. She did a slow waltz toward the horizon before disappearing behind my beloved Blue Ridge Mountains. I can always count on the moon.

The snow in the front yard has been greatly disturbed by an animal that ventured through in the night. It left furrows, not tracks, and dug great areas of snow away in search of the earth. I thought it must have been a red fox or a possum - but a close inspection reveals deer tracks in the areas not furrowed. The furrows puzzle me greatly and I wonder if the animal is wounded. But would a wounded animal have dug out such great mounds of snow?

It is a day for thinking, contemplating, and wondering. A quiet day.

I leave you with a song:




It's sung by Sheryl Crowe.

Snow of January 30, 2010

Another snow-dump has left about 11 inches of snow on the ground.