It is Possible to Die of a Broken Heart

Saturday 9: Ring of Fire
(because country music was recommended by Colletta's Kitchen's Sink)

 If you're not familiar with today's song, you can hear it here.

1) Recorded by Johnny Cash, "Ring of Fire" was written by his wife, June Carter. Johnny's daughter Roseanne says it's about "the transformative power of their love." What's your favorite love song?

 

A. Longer, by Dan Folgerberg.

2) Though more than 50 years old, this song is still popular today. Country Music Television named it one of the best and most requested of all time. Are you a country music fan?

A. Not particularly. I grew up listening to country music as my parents loved it but once I learned I could change the knobs to the pop music stations (nowadays called Adult Contemporary, I think), I never looked back.

3) This recording features mariachi horns, inspired by Mexican folk music. Have you ever been to Mexico? 

A. No. 

4) Cash's birth certificate said, "J. R. Cash," and "J.R." is what his parents always called him. When he enlisted in the Air Force, Uncle Sam refused to let him simply go by initials, so he chose the name "John." If you could choose a different name for yourself, what would it be?

A. Susan Pumpernickel.

5) Cash and his first wife, Vivian, had their first date at a roller skating rink. Tell us about one of your first dates.

A. My husband and I met beneath the goal posts of the annual James River/Lord Botetourt football rivalry on October 15, 1983. Some of our friends conspired to put us together and then they backed off while I stood there and pretended like I didn't know anything about football and asked him stupid questions about the game. He asked me out for the following night and I had to turn him down because my parents had already made plans for us to go out to dinner to celebrate their anniversary, which was October 14. After the game let out, I went over to Mike's Market for a soda and a candy bar, and he appeared there, too. His friend drove my friend home, I drove us both to the Ramada Inn, which at the time was the closest place with a dance hall, we shared our first kiss - not a hotel room - and that was the end of that. Or the beginning, I should say, since we've been married for almost 31 years.

6) Cash died in September, 2003, four months after he lost his second wife, and love of his life, June. The cause of death given was complications from diabetes, but his children believe he died of a broken heart. Do you think that's possible?

A. Yes, I think it is possible to die of a broken heart.  
7) Cash was known as "The Man in Black." What color do you wear most often?

A. Denim blue.

8) There's a Johnny Cash Museum in Nashville. What's the last museum you visited?

A. Last fall we visited a cool little depot in Clifton Forge that had been turned into the C&O Museum. I've always liked trains.

9) A stretch of Tennessee Highway 31E is known as "Johnny Cash Parkway." What street in your town is named for a famous person?

A.  We have an Etzler Road just down from us which is named after my husband's grandmother's family. The Etzlers settled in Botetourt before the Revolutionary War and some of the family continues to farm what is commonly called "King's Grant" land, which means that the original deed came from ol' King George himself. Or at least that is what my husband tells me, I didn't bother to look it up to be sure it's true. At any rate, they've been here for more than 200 years so I would think that's long enough to warrant a road name.


****************

Speaking of my husband, he's doing well following his run-in with a hay baler on July 5. He had a few stitches out on Friday and his arm looked better than I expected when they took it out of the huge cast they'd had it in. They looked him over, put saline and hydrogen peroxide on him, and put another cast on him. He still has stitches that will require removal at a later date. His recovery will probably be slower than he would like but I think he was damn lucky not to lose his hand or arm or even a finger. He's still intact and while he has some loss of feeling and numbness, there is a possibility that will return with time.

In Velvet

Thursday Thirteen

1. Refuse to fall down.
   If you cannot refuse to fall down,
   refuse to stay down.
   If you cannot refuse to stay down
   lift your heart toward heaven
   and like a hungry beggar,
   ask that it be filled,
   and it will be filled.
   You may be pushed down.
   You may be kept from rising.
   But no one can keep you
   from lifting your heart
   toward heaven —
   only you.
   It is in the midst of misery
   that so much becomes clear.
   The one who says nothing good
   came of this,
   is not yet listening.

   (refuse to fall down - Clarissa Pinkola Estés)

2.  In the house made of dawn.
    In the story made of dawn.
    On the trail of dawn.
    O, Talking God.
    His feet, my feet, restore.
    His limbs, my limbs, restore.
    His body, my body, restore.
    His voice, my voice, restore.
    His plumes, my plumes, restore.
    With beauty before him, with beauty before me.
    With beauty behind him, with beauty behind me.
    With beauty above him, with beauty above me.
    With beauty below him, with beauty below me.
    With beauty around him, with beauty around me.
    With pollen beautiful in his voice,
    with pollen beautiful in my voice.
    It is finished in beauty.
    It is finished in beauty.
    In the house of evening light.
    From the story made of evening light.
    On the trail of evening light.
 
    (American Indian - Navajo)

3. I am a shooting star woman, says
   I am a shooting star woman, says
   I am a whirling woman of colors, says
   I am a whirling woman of colors, says
   I am a clean woman, says
   I am a clean woman, says
   I am a woman who whistles, says
   I am a woman who looks into the insides of things, says
   I am a woman who investigates, says
   I am a woman wise in medicine, says
   I am a mother woman, says
   Holy Father, says
   I am a woman wise in medicine, says
   I bring my lord eagle, says
   I bring my opossum, says
   I bring my lord eagle, says
   I bring my whirlwind of colors, says
   Father in heaven, says
   Saint Christ, says
   Father scribe, says
   I am a spirit woman, says
   I am a woman of light, says
   I am a woman of the day, says
   I am a Book woman, says
   Holy Father, says
   I am a saint woman, says
   I am a spirit woman, says
   I am a woman who looks into the insides of things, says
   I am a whirling woman of colors, says
   Holy Father, says
   With the saint, says
   With the saintess, says
   Holy Mother, says
   I am a spirit woman, says
   I am a saint woman, says
   I am a Lord eagle woman, says
 
(Mesoamerican Indian - Mazatec - Maria Sabina - 1956)


4. I am of the nature to grow old.
   There is no way to escape growing old.
   I am of the nature to have ill-health.
   There is no way to escape having ill-health.
   I am of the nature to die.
   There is no way to escape death.
   All that is dear to me and everyone I love
   are of the nature to change.
   There is no way to escape being separated from them.
   My actions are my only true belongings.
   I cannot escape the consequences of my actions.
   My actions are the ground on which I stand.
 
   (Buddha)

5.  PROMISE YOURSELF
    To be so strong that nothing
    can disturb your peace of mind.
    To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
    to every person you meet.
    To make all your friends feel
    that there is something in them.
    To look at the sunny side of everything
    and make your optimism come true.
    To think only the best, to work only for the best,
    and to expect only the best.
    To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
    as you are about your own.
    To forget the mistakes of the past
    and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
    To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
    and give every living creature you meet a smile.
    To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
    that you have no time to criticize others.
    To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for  fear,
    and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
    To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
    not in loud words but great deeds.
    To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
    so long as you are true to the best that is in you.
 
    (The optimist Creed - Christian D. Larson - 1912)

6. I celebrate myself, and sing myself,
   And what I assume you shall assume,
   For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.
   I loafe and invite my soul,
   I lean and loafe at my ease observing a spear of summer grass.
   My tongue, every atom of my blood, form'd from this soil, this air,
   Born here of parents born here from parents the same, and their parents the same,
   I, now thirty-seven years old in perfect health begin,
   Hoping to cease not till death.
   Creeds and schools in abeyance,
   Retiring back a while sufficed at what they are, but never forgotten,
   I harbor for good or bad, I permit to speak at every hazard,
   Nature without check with original energy.
 
   (Verse 1 - Song of Myself - Walt Whitman)

7.  May the whole world enjoy
    good health,
    long life,
    prosperity,
    happiness and peace.
    Om, shanti, shanti, shanti.
 
    (Kundalini yoga master - vethathiri maharishi)

8.  Deep peace I breathe into you, O weariness, here:
    O ache, here!
    Deep peace, a soft white dove to You;
    Deep peace, a quiet rain to you;
    Deep peace, an ebbing wave to you!
    Deep peace, red wind of the east from you;
    Deep peace, grey wind of the west to You;
    Deep peace, dark wind of the north from you;
    Deep peace, blue wind of the south to you!
    Deep peace, pure red of the flame to you;
    Deep peace, pure white of the moon to you;
    Deep peace, pure green of the grass to you;
    Deep peace, pure brown of the earth to you;
    Deep peace, pure grey of the dew to you,
    Deep peace, pure blue of the sky to you!
    Deep peace of the running wave to you,
    Deep peace of the flowing air to you,
    Deep peace of the quiet earth to you,
    Deep peace of the sleeping stones to you!
    Deep peace of the Yellow Shepherd to you,
    Deep peace of the Wandering Shepherdess to you,
    Deep peace of the Flock of Stars to you,
    Deep peace from the Son of Peace to you,
    Deep peace from the heart of Mary to you,
    And from Briget of the Mantle
    Deep peace, deep peace!
    And with the kindness too of the Haughty Father
    Peace!
    In the name of the Three who are One,
    Peace!
    And by the will of the King of the Elements,
    Peace! Peace!
 
     (The Dominion of Dreams: Under a Dark Star - Fiona MaCleod - 1895)

9.  From the blossoming lotus of devotion, at the centre of my heart,
    Rise up, O compassionate master, my only refuge!
    I am plagued by past actions and turbulent emotions:
    To protect me in my misfortune
    Remain as the jewel-ornament on the crown of my head, the mandala of great bliss,
    Arousing all my mindfulness and awareness, I pray!
 
   (prayer to invoke the presence of the master - jikmé lingpa)

10. I am the Soul.
    I am the Light Divine.
    I am Love.
    I am Will.
    I am Fixed Design.
 
    (Invocation of the Soul - Alice Bailey)

11.  Lady, weave your web of change
     Bring the world to peace again
     Let us all be kin together
     So Mote It Be
 
     (Rite of Peace For All - Rowan Fairgrove)

12. Our old women gods, we ask you!
    Our old women gods, we ask you!
    Then give us long life together,
    May we live until our frosted hair is white;
    May we live till then.
    This life that now we know!
 
    (American Indian - Tewa)

13. When I despair,
    I remember that all through history
    the ways of truth and love have always won.
    There have been tyrants, and murderers,
    and for a time they can seem invincible,
    but in the end they always fall.
    Think of it - always.
 
    (Mahatma Gandhi - early 20th century)\


Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here. I've been playing for a while and this is my 353rd time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday.

Friends and Firefighters

The brotherhood between firefighters is no secret, but I am here to testify that it does exist.

Farmers are also a rather close-knit group, and I can testify to that, too. I am privileged to be a member of both communities.

And then there are my friends, my wonderful women friends who have shown me more love in the last 10 days than I ever thought possible.

During those first hectic hours after my husband staggered home from having caught his hand in the hay baler, my husband and I made several other phone calls. One was to my husband's captain and close friend, Kevin, to let him know my husband was injured and wouldn't be a the fire station the next day. Another was to my husband's cousin, Alan, who is also a firefighter. We asked him to tell my mother-in-law and be with her when she heard my husband was hurt.

Then I made calls to my brother and two of my closest friends. Since I was already not well myself, I knew I might need support to get through whatever was coming.

Support came from everywhere. We live in a farming community, and once the word was out, it seemed every firefighter in three counties knew my husband was hurt, and every farmer in Botetourt was aware there had been an accident on the farm.

Over the next hours and days, calls came. And came. And came.

Moments after the ambulance brought my husband into the emergency room, I hobbled to the desk (I am now using a cane when I walk any distance because of a problem with my right leg). They would not let me go back to my husband. "Check back in 20 minutes," the girl said.

That simply wouldn't do. Not three minutes later, I saw what I was looking for - that beautiful blue shirt with Roanoke Fire-EMS blazed across it. I urgently called the emergency responder to me, even though I didn't know him, and told him I was Chief Firebaugh's wife, and the chief had been in an accident. "Can you get me back there?" I begged.

He took my arm and ushered me through big double doors, and I was by my husband's side. Within an hour, Duane, one of my husband's firefighters on his shift, was there. Others were calling.

They came visiting after his surgery, and I had to ask the nursing staff to limit the number of people in the room, and to turn people away if they felt they must. Otherwise, I knew, the firefighters would be checking on my husband with every call to the emergency room. I asked the captain to spread the word on my husband's shift that visitation needed to be limited for a few days, until we could get him through his surgeries. He did that, and I take full responsibility for any disappointment the firemen felt for not being able to visit their chief. But he needed his rest, and he was my first priority.

Offers poured in from all corners. Firefighters volunteered to help get up hay, to help with farm chores, to mow the yard. My husband's two cousins took over the chore of cow-caretaking, looking after the beasts, helping an old one calf, making sure the water was flowing and the grass was available for their feeding pleasure. Cousin Alan checked with me daily to see what I needed.

I knew if I needed anything, all I had to do was make a phone call and a firefighter would make sure it happened. I never made that call, but it was a relief to know I could if I had to.

By Sunday morning, the morning after the accident, my husband was being lifted up in prayer by at least six church congregations, probably more. I know a lot of good energy was being directed his way.

My friends came to take care of me and to support me during this difficult time. On Sunday, I started an email update, which grew from a couple of my closest friends to more than 25 women over the next several days as folks expressed their concern and desire to help.

One of my close friends is laid up from a surgery, but she answered the phone every time I called. She let me cry and listened to the stress in my voice. She soothed me as best she could. Sometimes a friendly voice on the other end of the line is good medicine.

My friend Teresa worried over me and stepped up to help. She was a strong ally and I was and am so very grateful for her friendship. She went to the grocery store for me. She stayed with me during my husband's second surgery. She practically carried me from his room to pre-op that day as I struggled to keep up with the gurney as they wheeled him down the hall to the operating floor.

One day she drove me to the hospital, because I'd not had much sleep and she was concerned about my driving. My brother brought me home that day.

Teresa also came and helped me ready my house for my husband, and then sat me down and made me eat dinner. I lost six pounds on the "husband mashes arm in machinery" diet, not one I recommend to anybody. It is easy to forget to eat when you are sick with worry. She could see how I was struggling. She took care of me when I forgot to take care of myself.

I am grateful to my friends for recognizing that this accident didn't just happen to my husband, it happened to me, too. We've been married for 31 years - we're a team, James and I, or yin and yang, as one friend put it on Facebook. Together we are better than the sums of ourselves.

Botetourt has a population of over 30,000 people and sometimes it seems like a sprawling bedroom suburb of Roanoke. Last week I felt like it was a small town community, and I was keenly aware of how close-knit the farmers are, how strong the brotherhood of firefighters is, and how lucky I have been in the friendships I have made over time.

Family is what you make of it, and last week I learned that mine extends far and wide, with brothers in blue and sisters in farm hats. From one end of the world to the other, we are all connected, each and every one, and I cannot thank those who helped enough, in whatever small way, for assisting my husband and me through this difficult time.

This accident of my husband's has been a humbling and awesome, if heart-wrenching, experience, and a great lesson for me in the love of humanity, each for the other. Great gifts often come through tragedy, and I am honored to have been able to watch them unfold as folks have stepped up to help.

My thanks to each and every one of you.

Grateful for My Brother

Hospitals are scary places any time of day, but on a holiday weekend Saturday night at 11 p.m., the waiting room outside of the operating area is terrifying.

It's especially so when your husband has been in surgery for one hour, then two, then three, and you're wondering what they've found that requires so much time. In your mind more time can only equal something bad.

After my husband was hurt on July 5 in a farming accident and I'd gotten him in an ambulance at the local urgent care, I called my brother. He answered his cellphone and as soon I told him what had happened, he said he would be at the emergency room as quickly as he could.

He showed up within an hour or so, as did my father and stepmother. They did not stay long, but my brother stayed with me the whole time. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law also came, and they stayed for about five hours.

My brother bought me a drink and crackers from the vending machine. He drove me back home to get my husband some clothes and so I could take my medication, and then drove me back to the hospital in record time so I could kiss my sweetie before they wheeled him back so the surgeons could do their work.

And when my sister-in-law left to take my mother-in-law home, my brother stayed with me so that I did not face the dark and the florescent lighting alone. He stayed and stayed. Together we watched the clock tick. He bought me another bottle of water.

He told me it would be okay.

He put his arm around me and told me to try to take a little nap. We listened with great concern when the only other people in the waiting room were told their loved one had some kind of flesh-eating bacteria invading his foot, and we involuntarily inched a bit further away from them.

We waited hours for someone to come and tell us what had happened, and finally, in the wee hours of the morning, the surgeon appeared and told us what had happened to my husband. He explained how he'd had to cut him open from his palm to his elbow to allow the pressure on the muscles to free up, so that my husband wouldn't lose his arm. He'd had to clean up the wounds, which were contaminated with farm dust and oil and the things you find in farm machinery.

My brother held my hand while I listened to all of this, and then he helped me to the ninth floor where my husband was getting settled into his room. My husband had been asking for me and I was so glad I was there. I could see the relief on my sweetie's face when I walked in, with my brother right behind me carrying my husband's overnight bag.

During the five days my husband was in the hospital, my brother checked on me daily and once drove me home after a friend drove me to the hospital. One day I called him and begged him to bring both my husband and I an Arby burger, to save my husband from yet another day of not eating hospital food, and my brother showed up with Arby burgers in tow, the contraband food a blessing and a relief to both of us.

Finally, I asked him to bring my husband home on the day he was released, because my brother has a nice roomy Cadillac and I thought my husband would be more comfortable in it. I asked him too if he would stay while I helped my husband get a good bath, because he'd been in the hayfield when he was injured and the nursing staff had only given him sponge baths. My husband had said he was dreaming of a decent shower.

My brother brought my husband back to me, and then went to get his medication while my husband rested, and then he said he'd wait in case I needed help while I helped my husband bathe.

When we found out the hot water heater had died, and there was no hot water, my brother went to Lowe's and purchased new heating elements, and he fixed the hot water heater. He continued to hang out until I finally, finally got my husband the bath he so desired, and into bed.

You have to understand that my brother has a family of his own, and he runs a multi-million dollar company. He is responsible for dozens of employees and has thousands of clients who want his attention. His business is international; he deals with classified government contracts. He is a busy guy. 

But he dropped everything and came when I called, even when it was just for a roast beef sandwich. He stood by me when I most needed him, and I will be forever grateful.

Thank you, brother, for being there.

Sunday Stealing: One Thing

From Sunday Stealing

One Thing . . .

that makes you smile:

A. Having my husband home and in one piece after a serious accident last week.
 
that makes you cry:

A. Seeing other people in pain.
 
that you love to do on the weekends:

A. Go out to dinner with my husband.
 
that you do for only yourself:

A. Write in a journal.
 
that you have in your underwear drawer that's NOT underwear:

A. Swimsuit.
 
that you do before going to sleep:

A. Meditate.
 
that you do within the first 15 minutes after waking:

A.  Read my email.
 
that's in your purse:

A. Burt's Bees Lip Balm 

that you actually LIKE to clean:

A. My desk.

that you DETEST cleaning:

A. The toilet.
 
that other people would find odd about you:

A. I believe humanity has not yet tuned into to all of the different planes of life that are available to us. 

that you would buy if I handed you a $100 bill:

A. A Kindle paperwhite, though I'd have to add a $20 to that.

that you feel you HAVE to do before you die:

A. Declutter my house.
 

Man Mashed in Machinery

FINCASTLE, VA - A Botetourt County farmer mashed his left arm and hand in a hay baler in a farming accident on Saturday, July 5.

The incident occurred around 2 p.m. James F., (blogger's husband), a 55-year-old local cattleman who has been farming all of his life, caught his arm in a John Deere round bale hay baler.

Mr. F. said he had left the tractor idling and the baler running while he used an air compressor hose to clean out the round baler after finishing up one of his hay fields.

"That's where I messed up," Mr. F. said. "I should have cut the machinery off."

The air compressor hose was sucked up into the revolving baler belts, taking Mr. F.'s arm with it. Mr. F. was trapped between the belt and the roller. Because of the force exerted on Mr. F.'s arm, the baler hung up, causing the tractor to stall, momentarily shutting down the baler. At that moment, he was able to pull his arm free. 

"I had my pocket knife out, hoping it was sharp enough to cut the baler belts," Mr. F. later said. His pocket knife and a broken watch were later found at the rear of the machine.

Mr. F. rinsed his arm off, wrapped it in a sheet, and drove himself up to his home, a distance of about a half-mile, on his utility vehicle. He went inside and told his wife he need to go to the urgent care facility because he had cut himself on the baler.

At the urgent care, medical personnel quickly realized the extent of Mr. F.'s injuries and called the local rescue squad. He was transported to Roanoke Memorial Hospital. Around 9 p.m., Mr. F. was taken back for surgery to his forearm and hand. He sustained a severe laceration at his thumb, as well as a broken thumb, and the intense pressure on his arm mashed the muscles and blood vessels, creating a serious and life-threatening condition called compartment syndrome. The wound also had severe contamination from the farm equipment.

Swelling in the arm forced surgeons to make an incision down the inside of Mr. F.'s arm from his middle finger to his elbow. The incision was left open and a vacuum pump installed to withdraw fluid in order to save the arm and expedite healing.

Mr. F. underwent a second surgery Monday afternoon so surgeons could inspect the arm. The swelling had subsided significantly and the surgeons were able to close the incision. Mr. F. was released from the hospital on Thursday afternoon with a good prognosis.

Mr. F. and his wife would like to thank family and friends for their prayers, phone calls, and other assistance during this difficult time.


Bloggers note:

I'm a reporter by trade, and while I was trying to process what happened, I wrote some of this out when I was sitting by my husband's hospital bed. It's easier for me to be objective in "reporter mode." I know folks have been keen to know what happened, so here you have it, just the facts.

We Were the Local Gossip

Saturday 9: Already Gone (recommended by Diana)

If you're not familiar with today's song, you can hear it here.

1) Eagles lead singer Glenn Frey proclaims that he's "feeling strong." How would you describe yourself this fine Saturday?

A. Oy vey. After the week I've had - worn out, tired, in pain, and feeling old.

2) The song begins with a rumor: "I heard some people talking just the other other day ..." Have you heard anything juicy/interesting lately? Please share!

A. My husband got his arm caught in a hay baler last Saturday, so we were the local gossip last week. He was in the hospital for five days and had two surgeries. He is doing okay considering.

3) When "Already Gone" was popular, the news was dominated by Richard Nixon and the Watergate scandal. What do you consider today's top news story?

A. Unrest in the Middle East. Again.

4) In the 1970s, Eagles Glenn Frey and Don Henley were at the center of a social circle of very creative people, including singer Linda Ronstadt, singer-songwriter Jackson Browne and actor-comedian Steve Martin. How do you express your creativity? 

A. I write, play the guitar, and sing. Sometimes I doodle.

5) Even though they broke up in 1980, the Eagles are currently on a reunion tour, and after knowing each other more than 40 years, Frey and Henley still consider each other friends. What quality to do you value most in a friendship?

 

A. Acceptance of who I am. 

 6) Are there any mirrors in the room you're in right now?

 

A. Yes. I have one to reflect the door because I heard it was good feng shui to do that.

7) What's the last beverage you drank with ice?

 

A. Ginger ale at the hospital. 

8) Whole, skim, 2%, half-and-half, almond or soy ... what kind of milk is in your refrigerator right now?

A. None. I have evaporated milk and sweetened condensed milk in the pantry, though.

9) Sam likes to mix sliced almonds into her salad. What do you think makes a good salad?

A. Lettuce, spinach, tomato, bacon bits, cheddar cheese, goat cheese, ham or chicken (or both), and cranberries.

Thurday Thirteen

My husband has been in the hospital since Saturday. He got his arm and hand caught in a hay baler. He did not lose his limbs. His arm was badly smashed and he had severe lacerations. It took two surgeries within three days to get him to a better place of healing. Time will tell us how much use of his arm he may have lost. But the main thing is he is alive. It could have been much, much worse.

So here are 13 quick observations:

1. Farm machinery is dangerous.

2. It only takes a split second for inattention to turn into tragedy.

3. Ambulances are bumpy rides.

4. ERs are so full that people are treated in the hallways.

5. The waiting rooms at ERs are filled with people who look like they would be better served at an urgent care facility or doctor's office.

6. The hospital cafeteria does not serve up very many healthy items, and they super size.

7. Hospital food still tastes as bad as it always has.

8. Some nurses are better than others, just as some people are better than others. You treasure the good ones.

9. The whole system needs a revamp. There should be an urgent care right beside the ER so the less urgent folks can be shuffled there, and the real emergencies dealt with. I think I said something similar already but I'm stressed, so forgive the repetition.

10. The whole hospital feels like one big disease.

11. Late Saturday night surgeries, when you and your brother are the only ones in the waiting room, are pretty damn scary.

12. It is better not to send flowers to the hospital. It is just one more thing for the caregiver to have to keep track of. Wait until the patient is home, then send all the flowers you want.

13. Many people offer to help and sincerely want to, and that is a great treasure.

Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here. I've been playing for a while and this is my 352nd time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday.

Partial to Both

From Sunday Stealing

Patriotic Meme


1. Are you "proud to be an American"?

A. I am a citizen of the world. The fact that I live in the United States is secondary to that. I am glad that I live here, because it is lovely country, and my suspicion is that I have opportunities here that I might not have elsewhere. However, my patriotism ends where it impacts upon others. I am an equal-opportunity humanist.

2. Favorite Founding Father?

A. I am partial to both Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson. Both were smart and inventive.

3. Favorite president?

A. I will limit this to my lifetime, and so will say Bill Clinton. He did some damage but the country on the whole prospered under his presidency.

4. Biggest "Patriotic Moment"?

A. Probably the feelings evoked nationwide after the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon on 9/11/2001. For a while there, we were a united country. Unfortunately that unity did not last long.

5. Favorite patriotic song?

A. America the Beautiful.

6. Favorite American cuisine?

A. Chocolate chip cookies. I don't know if that is American cuisine but that is my answer.

7. Happiest political moment of your life?

A. When Patty Hearst was freed. I suppose some people think she was "captured." Her kidnapping and then her subsequent "joining" of the Symbionese Liberation Army are my first memories of becoming aware of the greater political world around me. For reasons I can't explain, I related strongly to this woman. Even I, then an 11-year-old child, knew that Hearst was joining with her kidnappers to keep herself alive and that she had been brainwashed. They call it Stockholm Syndrome today, where you join with your captors. In any event, our stupid political leaders convicted her and put her in jail for two years (she really needed psychological help, not imprisonment). Bill Clinton pardoned her fully in 2001, his last official act of office.

8. Best fireworks display you've ever seen?

A. I like them all. I've only seen small-town shows, never big displays like in the cities.

9. America's gift to the world?

A. Me. LOL. I googled that and the answers that came up were Ben Franklin, the Internet, jazz, and endless war. So I think maybe my first answer was the correct one.

10. Favorite Bill of Rights right?

A. I rather like them all, although my interpretation of the Second Amendment differs from the rednecks around me.

11. Favorite American Holiday?

A. Thanksgiving. You get to eat all you want and you don't have to an excuse.

12. Favorite D.C. monument?

A. The Library of Congress, of course. IT is our nation's oldest cultural institution. And it has books. It is full of knowledge.

13. Your dream for America's future?

A. One without pain.

Long Sleeves and Long Pants

Saturday 9: I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942)

1) This week's song was performed by James Cagney in the famous movie of the same name. Do you plan on going to the movies this holiday weekend? 

A. No movie plans. Sorry.  The next movie I will see in the theater is The Hobbit, part 3, which doesn't come out until the end of the year.

2) Though known for his larger-than-life screen presence, Cagney was only 5'5". How tall are you?

A. 5' 2" though the last time I was measured it was 5' 1 1/2". Apparently I have shrunk.

3) During the Revolutionary War, General Washington celebrated the 4th of July by giving his troops a double ration of rum. Will you imbibe any spirits this holiday weekend?

A. I don't drink alcohol.

4) American history was one of Crazy Sam's best subjects in school. In which class did you earn your best grades?

A. English and History. I liked them both. I was a mostly straight A student; I graduated 5th in my high school class and had a 3.92 gpa as a college undergraduate and a 3.96 when I finished my master's degree.

5) The Fourth of July means we're in the middle of summer. Are you careful about applying sunscreen?

A. I try not to be outside too much. I take medication that makes me burn easily. When I do go out, I am usually in long sleeves and long pants because the mosquitos think I am dessert.

6) Mosquito bites can be a major summer annoyance. Are you scratching any itches right now?

 

A. See above. Yes, on my hand.

7) Emergency rooms report an increase in wrist injuries in summer, with people falling off bikes and skateboards and jamming their wrists catching hard-hit softballs. Have you ever had a sports-related injury?

 

A. Yes. I fell of my bicycle and messed up my knee when I was young. When I was about 10 I fell off a pony and busted my ribs. I also attempted water skiing and received a concussion. I am not very good at such things.

8) New York is home to Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest every year on the 4th. Will hot dogs be consumed in your household this weekend?

A. Yes, in fact, they will be.

9) Atlanta hosts a 10K Peachtree Road Race every 4th of July. Are you a runner?

 

A. I am lucky if I can walk these days. But I do like to walk when I am able.

 

Is It A Happy July 4th For Everyone?

Today is the day we celebrate the creation of the United States. On July 4, 1776, the founding fathers signed the Declaration of Independence. This document declared the nation free from the rule of Great Britain, and thus independent. And then the people of this country went to war with Great Britain. If we had lost, we would not be celebrating.

The second sentence of the Declaration of Independence is well known. It says: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Apparently, though, given a Supreme Court ruling made earlier this week, that all-encompassing definition of "men" as being all of humanity is still not accepted. The female part of the species once again was given short shrift by the ol' white guys who continue to maintain their hold on the nation.

I'm talking, of course, about the Burwell v. Hobby Lobby decision of the Supreme Court. (You may read it at the link; it's 95 pages long, and yes, I read it.)

The issue is broad and complicated, and for me to try to sort it out not only for myself but for my readers would be ludicrous. It is the sort of thing that will have lawyers salivating for years.

However, I do have an opinion on it, and that I will share.

In my opinion, this is not about abortion or religious freedom. It is about control. Specifically, it is about control of women. I see this as nothing more than another in a long line of efforts to continue to make women "less than" those who believe the ones with things that dangle between their legs are more important and legitimate than those of us who bring forth the entire species. It is the fight that began in 1776, when the ol' white guys chose to write "all men are created equal" instead "all of humanity are created equal."

Apparently across the waters and in the US in the more left-wing corners, the issue is being regarded by some as "men can screw around, so women should be able to do so, too" issue. I have never seen this as that kind of issue, something that is pushing promiscuity.

As far as I'm concerned, birth control is medication, and to deny it for any reason is a crime. It's as vital to some women as chemotherapy is to some cancer patients. I don't care what your religion thinks of it. Taking it should be my choice, and an issue between me and my doctor. To add in a third party is the same as making me chattel to the third party, whether that's my boss, my insurance company, my father, or the government.

Basically, what it boils down to is this: If my religion doesn't allow me to do XYZ, then that's fine. I live with that. This isn't fine: My religion doesn't allow YOU to do XYZ. That's not okay, fair, or moral. You don't have a say over my life. That's not your call.

Keep your religion to yourself and we'll get along fine.

The can of worms opened by this opinion from the Supreme Court is huge. First, there is the "corporations are people" concern. Corporations have no morals and no religion, nor, in my opinion, can they hold any kind of religious ideals. The stockholders may, but they are not corporations.

In the SCOTUS opinion, there is this:

"HHS [United States Department of Health and Human Services] would put these merchants to a difficult choice: either give up the right to seek judicial protection of their religious liberty or forgo the benefits, available to their competitors, of operating as corporations."

And that, quite frankly, is what they should do. Why shouldn't they have to make a difficult choice? They certainly don't mind foisting difficult choices upon others. These companies should give up their corporate status and become sole proprietors. They would lose tons of tax breaks and benefits, and they should not be allowed those benefits if they intend to make chattel of the female portion of their workforce by forcing their religious views down their throats.

No one has the right to interfere with how you or I use our bodies. Your right to do what you want with your body ends only when whatever you doing interferes with my right to do what I want with mine. Smoking is a good example. You can do that all you want so long as you're not polluting my air. If you want to do it in your own home or car and give yourself cancer, that is not my business. But if you want to smoke in a public place and set off my asthma, then it damn well is my business.

But what goes on in a woman's womb is nobody's business but hers. You can't get more personal and private than that. Why is a woman's vagina better regulated than gun ownership? Can somebody give me a good answer for that one?

Frankly, it would make more sense for society to be proactive with birth control because otherwise we end up with children we need to care for. It would be one thing if these pro-birthers were actually pro-life and would ensure that unwanted children are provided for through tax dollars, but they are the first ones to howl if they think their money is going to pay for somebody else's kid.

The other thing that aggravates me about this is I am a pacifist. I do not believe in war, yet I have no recourse but to pay my tax dollars even though I know that some of my money is going to kill other human beings. Why do these religious zealots who worry about their magical beliefs on abortion get an out but my reasoned and logical faith that tells me killing is amoral does not get me one?

Here's the answer to that: in a similar ruling on a related matter late this week, Justice Sonya Sotomayor wrote: “But thinking one’s religious beliefs are substantially burdened — no matter how sincere or genuine that belief may be — does not make it so.”
 
And I think that this is the case about many of the so-called persecutions many religious zealots (mostly Christians) claim to be subjected to really are: a belief, but not a reality. There was no burden on Hobby Lobby's owners. It only existed in their little minds. (For a great essay on what the Bible has to say about when a fetus becomes a person, check out this link. It's not at conception, biblically speaking. It's at first breath.)

However, religious extremists are working hard to inflict their belief system upon a vast portion of the population - and women are bearing the brunt of it. This ruling has erased the choices of thousands of women. If their boss thinks they should not have a certain drug because of religious conviction, then so be it.  The "closely held" corporate definition is silly: Mars Candy employs 70,000 people and it is a "closely held" corporation. The Supreme Court just gave them the right to tell all of their female employees they will not provide certain medications in their insurance coverage because of their religion.

If the Jehovah's Witnesses had objected because they don't believe in blood transfusions, what would the ruling have been? Other religions don't believe in antidepressants or immunizations. What about those beliefs? Why is the abortion argument the one that is given the most credit? You know why? Because those other kinds of religious convictions would affect males. That is where it stops: when it affects men.

And if this had come from a Muslim-controlled corporation, would the ruling have been the same? I think not. Just look at the religion of the SCOTUS majority and you'll have your answer to that one.

Birth control has many uses. It is not only used by unmarried young women who want to sleep around. Married women use birth control pills for any number of reasons - because of finances, space, housing, health. The pills and the devices have legitimate medicinal uses. They help with migraines. They keep women from being anemic. Are you going to tell a diabetic woman who would die if she were to become accidentally pregnant that she must take that risk? What if an IUD is the only thing she can use because the pills cause side effects or hormone imbalances? Why is it okay to cause her pain or death?

I was on birth control while I was trying to conceive. My doctors would put me on the pill to try to control my endometriosis, then take me off it so we could try to have a child. It didn't work. But it was medicinal. So why shouldn't it be covered medical care?

This is about personal choice, and whether the big white boss's opinion means more than yours. The Supreme Court
just said oh yes, little lady, the big white daddy gets to make the call for you.

If these kinds of rules had been in place 25 years ago, I would be dead.

Fortunately then, and I hope still now, men do not have rule over women and do not have the right to tell us how we can live. Women should have the same right to health care as men. If men can get Viagra so that they can feel manly - and as far as I know that's the only use for that drug - then I certainly don't understand what the issue is with birth control, regardless of form.

Here's another reason to be upset about this ruling. In an article at Medscape.com, the writer noted:

Several medical societies also took umbrage at how the Hobby Lobby decision will affect the practice of medicine. The ruling "intrudes on the patient-physician relationship," said AMA President Robert Wah, MD, in a statement. Likewise, the AAFP's Dr. Blackwelder told Medscape Medical News that physicians should have the freedom to prescribe contraceptives and other medications as they deem fit, and "insurance should cover the right choice."

Another medical society critical of the Hobby Lobby ruling is the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). "[It] inappropriately allows employers to interfere in women's healthcare decisions," said ACOG President John Jennings in a news release.

There's that word "intrusive" that I alluded to earlier. This ruling is nothing but a throw-back to an earlier time, to the very day we are celebrating.

We are celebrating a time when angry white guys ruled the world. So Happy July 4th? Not if you're a woman. It will only be my Independence Day when I have obtained the exact same rights of every man in this country - when all of humanity is acknowledged as being equal. And that is a long way away from happening, given what just happened this week.