Today my mother would be 73, had pancreatic cancer not taken her at the age of 56. I was 38 when she passed away. Fifty-six does not seem so old to me, now that it is only a few years away. In fact, it seems very young.
My mother had freckles all of her life. The few childhood photos of her I have seen show freckles that stand out even in black and white pictures. I know she disliked those freckles and she quickly learned how to cover them with foundation and make-up so that they were barely visible. She seldom, if ever, went out with her make-up.
She told me once that when she was about five years old, someone told her that she could rid herself of the hated freckles by washing her face in morning dew. So that summer, every morning she rose before everyone else and slipped outside so she could wet her hands with dew and then rub her face with the moisture.
Weeks passed, and she anxiously peered in the mirror daily to see if the freckles were diminishing. Her determination must have been fierce, because she kept at it every day.
Then her mother caught her one morning as she stood outside in her little nightgown, scrubbing her face with dew.
"I am getting rid of my freckles," she said. (Well, I don't know exactly what passed between them, of course, but I could hear my mother making such a pronouncement.)
My grandmother would have laughed and told her she was being silly. "You can't get rid of freckles," she would have said. "Stop coming outside in your nightie."
I presume my mother was crestfallen at the prospect of never ridding herself of her freckles. But the thought of her rushing out every morning to wash her face in dew makes me smile at her innocence and hope.
She really was still a child when I was born, as she was only 18 (she turned 19 the same month). When I think about how I was at 18, I suspect the prospect of raising a child must have been terrifying, with or without freckles.
I don't know what she would have been like now at the age of 73. I do know, though, that she would still be applying make-up everyday, to ensure that those freckles, even dimmed by age, were hidden.
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
Monday, June 19, 2017
Invisible Women
Earlier this morning, I came across an article about middle-aged women and how they become invisible to society. The link is here.
I have read many such articles as I have aged. Once a woman turns 40, it seems the world has little use for her. This is particularly true if you are childless, whether that is by choice or circumstance. A mother always has a role, but the childless middle-aged woman is superfluous.
In the article, I was particularly struck by this paragraph:
Not only is a woman an "existence," she's a person. A human being with needs, wants, desires and all of the other things that every other person on the planet wants. Men are not defined by relationships, per se - they are defined by who they are, and in today's capitalistic society, by what they do. He is an architect is more likely to come before he is a father. He is a farmer, a venture capitalist, or a banker, but he is a husband is not the first thing out of anyone's mouth except his wife's.
Women, however, are indeed wives, mothers, daughters, etc. before they are what they do. I am more often introduced as James' wife than I am Anita the writer. I am even acknowledged as my father's daughter sometimes before what I do and who I am, despite the fact that I have been married far longer than I ever lived at home.
My mother struggled with this lack of recognition and a troubled self-perception when she hit her 40s. There she was with a daughter married by then, her child-bearing days over, and she was my mother, my father's wife, and a file clerk still after 25 years at the job she'd had since she was 15. She did not grow old well even though, since she died at the age of 56, she never actually grew old. She had problems with grey hair and wrinkles and the signs that she was no longer a sweet young thing. She needed the male gaze and male adoration to assure herself of her self-worth, as I think most woman do, and for her and for others the loss of that can be devastating. This was in spite of the fact that she was a mother, daughter, career woman, etc. My mother also was infertile before her 30s, but she had two children before doctors removed her female parts.
Incidentally, tomorrow is my mother's birthday. She would have been 73.
I, on the other hand, hit middle age and invisibility when I was 29 and doctors removed my womanly parts. By that time I was well aware that I had no place in the world, that doctors talked over me to my husband about the fate of my uterus, that the knowledge that I couldn't have children, a subconscious fact known since I was 23, had left me a shell of a person. The hysterectomy only confirmed what society had already imprinted upon me. Being childless made me no one. A girl is no one, as they said of Arya Stark in Game of Thrones. A misogynistic quote if I ever heard one.
My fate having long been accepted, I shrugged and moved on. I moved through my 30s and 40s and into my 50s with the knowledge that I was no one, and invisible to most. Some will argue with me on that - I know you, they will say. We know your byline, others will say. We know you. You are not invisible.
Maybe not always, no. But most times, yes.
I am friends with many childless women; we find one another somehow, I think. Even people who know better - who know I never had children - forget and ask how my children are, assuming that somehow one magically appeared beneath my pillow one night and I went on to raise it to adulthood. The assumption amazes me.
As I move into my mid-50s, and quickly approach the age my mother was when she died, I find myself looking back at the many things I have done and not done. On some fronts I am quite accomplished, with three college degrees, thousands of published articles and photos, a decent if not McMansion-type house, and a loving husband. On other fronts, I think of opportunities I have missed out of fear - fear that I was not good enough, that I was less-than, that I could not cope or manage with whatever it was before me. Fear that I might become visible if I stepped out of my comfortable space. I do not do things like travel alone, for example. I wanted to travel when I was younger but my husband was tied to the farm and we seldom went away. Now I am not healthy and I think I should not travel. But if I don't go now, I will never go.
I suspect I will never go.
My grey hair does not look bad on me. I wear it well; it is a true white, not a gray, and it is soft and it blends fairly well with my lighter brown hair. The wrinkles - I am fortunate there, so far, though I have been dismayed to note that I am going to be one of those people with a downturned mouth if I make it to a ripe old age, and not one with a perpetual smile. So long as it is not a smirk I shall find it agreeable, I suppose, though I really did hope for the upturn of lips.
But back to being invisible. My name is fairly well known locally, thanks to all of those published articles. People who think they know me but do not know me are often surprised to find the face and body behind the name. They see that I am older, grayer, fatter than they thought. Because fat people are invisible, too. Or maybe invisible people become fat in hopes of taking up space and not being invisible. I'm not sure about that. Anyway, people know my name and then I think they try to forget they met me, preferring instead the byline and the invisible to the byline and the reality.
I find being invisible irksome when it comes to health care, trying to get something off the top shelf at the store, or being noticed in a crowd when I need to be noticed. Male doctors are dismissive and they do not bother to find cures (so I see female doctors when I can) and they ignore what I say. It is so bad that I haul my husband to important doctor appointments because they will listen, then. If I am in enough pain that the man is along, then they pay attention. At the supermarket, if I need help, I've taken to blatantly walking up to a tall person and asking for it; otherwise a sales clerk will walk by me without seeing me standing there, perplexed, as I try to figure out how to get the honey from the back of the top shelf. (I have discovered that is a good use for my cane, by the way.) At the theater the other week, I desperately wanted the fellow picking up trash to notice me so I could wave him over and hand him my popcorn and drink so I could use both hands to get down the stairs, but despite my waving and even a furtive "hey, you," I remained invisible.
No one should be invisible. That includes me, other women of a certain age, poor people, mentally ill people, disabled people, old people, fat people, or unattractive people. Everyone deserves eye contact, a smile, and acknowledgement. It takes so little to nod your head and show you've seen someone. It doesn't mean you have to donate money to them, but you have, at least, given them their humanity.
I have read many such articles as I have aged. Once a woman turns 40, it seems the world has little use for her. This is particularly true if you are childless, whether that is by choice or circumstance. A mother always has a role, but the childless middle-aged woman is superfluous.
In the article, I was particularly struck by this paragraph:
In a world where women are almost always defined by their relationships (daughter, sister, lover, wife, mother, grandmother) it strikes me as important to shed a light on the woman herself. What is she without all these shoes she has to fill? Well, she’s an existence and she’s an existence that either disturbs her surroundings—or is in the danger of retreating from them: like mist.
Not only is a woman an "existence," she's a person. A human being with needs, wants, desires and all of the other things that every other person on the planet wants. Men are not defined by relationships, per se - they are defined by who they are, and in today's capitalistic society, by what they do. He is an architect is more likely to come before he is a father. He is a farmer, a venture capitalist, or a banker, but he is a husband is not the first thing out of anyone's mouth except his wife's.
Women, however, are indeed wives, mothers, daughters, etc. before they are what they do. I am more often introduced as James' wife than I am Anita the writer. I am even acknowledged as my father's daughter sometimes before what I do and who I am, despite the fact that I have been married far longer than I ever lived at home.
My mother struggled with this lack of recognition and a troubled self-perception when she hit her 40s. There she was with a daughter married by then, her child-bearing days over, and she was my mother, my father's wife, and a file clerk still after 25 years at the job she'd had since she was 15. She did not grow old well even though, since she died at the age of 56, she never actually grew old. She had problems with grey hair and wrinkles and the signs that she was no longer a sweet young thing. She needed the male gaze and male adoration to assure herself of her self-worth, as I think most woman do, and for her and for others the loss of that can be devastating. This was in spite of the fact that she was a mother, daughter, career woman, etc. My mother also was infertile before her 30s, but she had two children before doctors removed her female parts.
Incidentally, tomorrow is my mother's birthday. She would have been 73.
I, on the other hand, hit middle age and invisibility when I was 29 and doctors removed my womanly parts. By that time I was well aware that I had no place in the world, that doctors talked over me to my husband about the fate of my uterus, that the knowledge that I couldn't have children, a subconscious fact known since I was 23, had left me a shell of a person. The hysterectomy only confirmed what society had already imprinted upon me. Being childless made me no one. A girl is no one, as they said of Arya Stark in Game of Thrones. A misogynistic quote if I ever heard one.
My fate having long been accepted, I shrugged and moved on. I moved through my 30s and 40s and into my 50s with the knowledge that I was no one, and invisible to most. Some will argue with me on that - I know you, they will say. We know your byline, others will say. We know you. You are not invisible.
Maybe not always, no. But most times, yes.
I am friends with many childless women; we find one another somehow, I think. Even people who know better - who know I never had children - forget and ask how my children are, assuming that somehow one magically appeared beneath my pillow one night and I went on to raise it to adulthood. The assumption amazes me.
As I move into my mid-50s, and quickly approach the age my mother was when she died, I find myself looking back at the many things I have done and not done. On some fronts I am quite accomplished, with three college degrees, thousands of published articles and photos, a decent if not McMansion-type house, and a loving husband. On other fronts, I think of opportunities I have missed out of fear - fear that I was not good enough, that I was less-than, that I could not cope or manage with whatever it was before me. Fear that I might become visible if I stepped out of my comfortable space. I do not do things like travel alone, for example. I wanted to travel when I was younger but my husband was tied to the farm and we seldom went away. Now I am not healthy and I think I should not travel. But if I don't go now, I will never go.
I suspect I will never go.
My grey hair does not look bad on me. I wear it well; it is a true white, not a gray, and it is soft and it blends fairly well with my lighter brown hair. The wrinkles - I am fortunate there, so far, though I have been dismayed to note that I am going to be one of those people with a downturned mouth if I make it to a ripe old age, and not one with a perpetual smile. So long as it is not a smirk I shall find it agreeable, I suppose, though I really did hope for the upturn of lips.
But back to being invisible. My name is fairly well known locally, thanks to all of those published articles. People who think they know me but do not know me are often surprised to find the face and body behind the name. They see that I am older, grayer, fatter than they thought. Because fat people are invisible, too. Or maybe invisible people become fat in hopes of taking up space and not being invisible. I'm not sure about that. Anyway, people know my name and then I think they try to forget they met me, preferring instead the byline and the invisible to the byline and the reality.
I find being invisible irksome when it comes to health care, trying to get something off the top shelf at the store, or being noticed in a crowd when I need to be noticed. Male doctors are dismissive and they do not bother to find cures (so I see female doctors when I can) and they ignore what I say. It is so bad that I haul my husband to important doctor appointments because they will listen, then. If I am in enough pain that the man is along, then they pay attention. At the supermarket, if I need help, I've taken to blatantly walking up to a tall person and asking for it; otherwise a sales clerk will walk by me without seeing me standing there, perplexed, as I try to figure out how to get the honey from the back of the top shelf. (I have discovered that is a good use for my cane, by the way.) At the theater the other week, I desperately wanted the fellow picking up trash to notice me so I could wave him over and hand him my popcorn and drink so I could use both hands to get down the stairs, but despite my waving and even a furtive "hey, you," I remained invisible.
No one should be invisible. That includes me, other women of a certain age, poor people, mentally ill people, disabled people, old people, fat people, or unattractive people. Everyone deserves eye contact, a smile, and acknowledgement. It takes so little to nod your head and show you've seen someone. It doesn't mean you have to donate money to them, but you have, at least, given them their humanity.
Sunday, June 18, 2017
Sunday Stealing: Ginormous Q&A
Sunday Stealing: The Ginormous Questions
1. Are you single?
A. Married for going on 34 years this year.
2. Are your parents still married?
A. My mother is dead. My father remarried 10 years ago.
3. Are you in love? A. Yes.
4. Do you believe in love at first sight? A. Yes.
5. Who ended your last relationship?
A. That was so long ago I have no idea.
6. Have you ever been hurt by a break up?
A. Well, yes. Who hasn't?
7. Have you ever broken someone’s heart? A. Probably.
8. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
A. I don't know. It was a secret.
9. Prefer love or lust?
A. Can't I have both?
10. Prefer a few best friends or many regular friends?
A. A few best friends.
11. Wild night out or romantic night in?
A. Romantic night in.
12. Back in the day: Been caught sneaking out?
A. Not from home. I was caught skipping school.
13. Ever wanted something/someone so badly it hurt?
A. Probably, but nothing comes to mind at the moment.
14. Who are/is your best friend(s)?
A. I have several people I correspond with or talk on the phone regularly with.
15. Ever wanted to disappear?
A. Poof! I'm gone.
16. First attraction: Smile or eyes? A. Eyes.
17. Prefer intelligence or attraction? A. Intelligence.
18. Last phone call you received?
A. From a friend asking about homeopathic remedies.
19. Last thing you drank?
A. Water, and it gave me the hiccups.
20. Before your current one, when was your last relationship?
A. Far too long ago to remember.
21. Do you and your family get along? A. Sometimes.
22. Would you say you have a "screwed up life"?
A. I have managed to do okay. (You are welcome to take that as "yes, I have managed to screw up my life very well, thank you, or no, my life is fine. Your choice. They are both true.)
23. Have you ever gotten kicked out somewhere? If yes, do tell.
A. I was kicked out of an optometrist's place of business, if you can believe that. He was putting in new lenses and somehow or another managed to dunk the frames in the eyeglass tint and discolored them. When I complained, he threw me out and told me to never come back to his place of business (which I did not). I filed charges against him with the state regulating authority, who gave him a little warning about being nicer to customers with legitimate complaints.
24. Do you trust all your friends?
A. Most of them, yes.
25. Who knows the most about you?
A. The guy I've been married to for three decades plus.
__________
I encourage you to visit other participants in Sunday Stealing posts and leave a comment. Cheers to all us thieves who love memes, however we come by them.
1. Are you single?
A. Married for going on 34 years this year.
2. Are your parents still married?
A. My mother is dead. My father remarried 10 years ago.
3. Are you in love? A. Yes.
4. Do you believe in love at first sight? A. Yes.
5. Who ended your last relationship?
A. That was so long ago I have no idea.
6. Have you ever been hurt by a break up?
A. Well, yes. Who hasn't?
7. Have you ever broken someone’s heart? A. Probably.
8. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
A. I don't know. It was a secret.
9. Prefer love or lust?
A. Can't I have both?
10. Prefer a few best friends or many regular friends?
A. A few best friends.
11. Wild night out or romantic night in?
A. Romantic night in.
12. Back in the day: Been caught sneaking out?
A. Not from home. I was caught skipping school.
13. Ever wanted something/someone so badly it hurt?
A. Probably, but nothing comes to mind at the moment.
14. Who are/is your best friend(s)?
A. I have several people I correspond with or talk on the phone regularly with.
15. Ever wanted to disappear?
A. Poof! I'm gone.
16. First attraction: Smile or eyes? A. Eyes.
17. Prefer intelligence or attraction? A. Intelligence.
18. Last phone call you received?
A. From a friend asking about homeopathic remedies.
19. Last thing you drank?
A. Water, and it gave me the hiccups.
20. Before your current one, when was your last relationship?
A. Far too long ago to remember.
21. Do you and your family get along? A. Sometimes.
22. Would you say you have a "screwed up life"?
A. I have managed to do okay. (You are welcome to take that as "yes, I have managed to screw up my life very well, thank you, or no, my life is fine. Your choice. They are both true.)
23. Have you ever gotten kicked out somewhere? If yes, do tell.
A. I was kicked out of an optometrist's place of business, if you can believe that. He was putting in new lenses and somehow or another managed to dunk the frames in the eyeglass tint and discolored them. When I complained, he threw me out and told me to never come back to his place of business (which I did not). I filed charges against him with the state regulating authority, who gave him a little warning about being nicer to customers with legitimate complaints.
24. Do you trust all your friends?
A. Most of them, yes.
25. Who knows the most about you?
A. The guy I've been married to for three decades plus.
__________
I encourage you to visit other participants in Sunday Stealing posts and leave a comment. Cheers to all us thieves who love memes, however we come by them.
Saturday, June 17, 2017
Saturday 9: We Got Each Other
Saturday 9: As Long as We Got Each Other (Theme from Growing Pains)
Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.
1) This is the theme from the 1980s sitcom, Growing Pains. Alan Thicke played Dr. Jason Seaver, one of TVs popular dads. Who is your favorite TV dad?
A. Pa (Charles Ingalls) on Little House on the Prairie, played by Michael Landon.
2) Joanna Kearns, who played Jason's wife, reports that she teased her costar by calling him, "Al," a nickname he hated. Is there someone in your life that you enjoy needling?
A. I am not really much on teasing, but for some reason my husband calls my nephew Elmo. His name is Chris. And I do tease my husband about various things occasionally.
3) For most of the series, the Seaver children each represented a "type." The oldest, Mike, was the trouble maker. The daughter, Carol, was the brainiac. Young Ben could be very high maintenance. Which of the Seaver kids were you most like when you were growing up?
A. I guess I would be most like Carol with a pinch of Mike thrown in for good measure.
4) In the song, BJ Thomas sings about being "the luckiest dreamer who never quit dreaming." If you could have any dream come true this Saturday, what would you wish for?
A. Good health.
5) When he mans the grill, Sam's father proudly wears the "Kiss the Chef" she gave him for Father's Day years ago. Tell us about a gift you gave someone that was a hit.
A. I gave my brother a copper chef cooking thingy that he seemed to like. He enjoys cooking. I, however, do not.
6) Sam's dad takes his grilling very seriously and jealously guards his special marinade recipe. Do you have a secret you haven't even shared with family members?
A. No. At least, not in the cooking department. Because of that not liking to cook thing I don't exactly do recipes well.
7) He recommends using a grill basket when barbecuing vegetables so you don't have to worry about them falling through the grill. Share one of your culinary tips with us.
A. Turn on the eye on the stove when you want the water in the pot to boil.
8) Sam's father hates it when she swears. What's the last curse word you used?
A. Just pick one. I can swear with the best of them and I'm sure the words have been dropping like flies around spilled ketchup lately.
9) Sam's father satisfies his afternoon sugar craving with an almost endless stream of Butter Rum Lifesavers. When you crave a snack, do you usually want something sweet or salty?
A. Sweet. And chocolate. But you knew that.
_____________
I encourage you to visit other participants in Saturday 9 posts and leave a comment. Because there are no rules, it is your choice. Saturday 9 players hate rules. We love memes, however.
Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.
1) This is the theme from the 1980s sitcom, Growing Pains. Alan Thicke played Dr. Jason Seaver, one of TVs popular dads. Who is your favorite TV dad?
A. Pa (Charles Ingalls) on Little House on the Prairie, played by Michael Landon.
2) Joanna Kearns, who played Jason's wife, reports that she teased her costar by calling him, "Al," a nickname he hated. Is there someone in your life that you enjoy needling?
A. I am not really much on teasing, but for some reason my husband calls my nephew Elmo. His name is Chris. And I do tease my husband about various things occasionally.
3) For most of the series, the Seaver children each represented a "type." The oldest, Mike, was the trouble maker. The daughter, Carol, was the brainiac. Young Ben could be very high maintenance. Which of the Seaver kids were you most like when you were growing up?
A. I guess I would be most like Carol with a pinch of Mike thrown in for good measure.
4) In the song, BJ Thomas sings about being "the luckiest dreamer who never quit dreaming." If you could have any dream come true this Saturday, what would you wish for?
A. Good health.
5) When he mans the grill, Sam's father proudly wears the "Kiss the Chef" she gave him for Father's Day years ago. Tell us about a gift you gave someone that was a hit.
A. I gave my brother a copper chef cooking thingy that he seemed to like. He enjoys cooking. I, however, do not.
6) Sam's dad takes his grilling very seriously and jealously guards his special marinade recipe. Do you have a secret you haven't even shared with family members?
A. No. At least, not in the cooking department. Because of that not liking to cook thing I don't exactly do recipes well.
7) He recommends using a grill basket when barbecuing vegetables so you don't have to worry about them falling through the grill. Share one of your culinary tips with us.
A. Turn on the eye on the stove when you want the water in the pot to boil.
8) Sam's father hates it when she swears. What's the last curse word you used?
A. Just pick one. I can swear with the best of them and I'm sure the words have been dropping like flies around spilled ketchup lately.
9) Sam's father satisfies his afternoon sugar craving with an almost endless stream of Butter Rum Lifesavers. When you crave a snack, do you usually want something sweet or salty?
A. Sweet. And chocolate. But you knew that.
_____________
I encourage you to visit other participants in Saturday 9 posts and leave a comment. Because there are no rules, it is your choice. Saturday 9 players hate rules. We love memes, however.
Friday, June 16, 2017
Get Off Your Butts, Liberals
This is a mini-rant, I suppose.
I keep hearing whispers about the U.S. Senate's version of the new healthcare plan. Most of what I hear is about how secretive it is. How the Republicans have shut out the Democrats, and thus no one knows what is really in the plan.
Someone fussed about how it is being put together by a bunch of white men who don't know what women need to do to keep their hoo-has in good shape.
Or that certain races of people have genetic disorders unique to them.
That contraception can't be covered but erectile dysfunction can (but that has always been the case).
That pre-existing conditions won't be part of the process.
That old people will pay 75 percent more than young people.
Or whatever.
I hear they will hold no public hearings, that they will toss their plan out on the table and say vote or not, expecting the Republican majority to march in lock-step, arms joined as they sing "No Health Care For You" and vote for the thing.
What I do not hear is that the Democrats are doing anything. Oh, they are asking questions in committees that really don't have anything to do with health care sometimes. They wonder aloud to some higher-up senator if the public will get to know what the health care bill says.
Is there some rule that says a bunch of Democrats can't get together, take the House's piece of crap AHCA, and make up their own version of what they want, and toss it out on the floor at the same time as the Republicans throw theirs out?
Can they do nothing more than rail against a process that they themselves set up?
Can't the Democrats create their version of what we really need, which is a single payer health care plan (Medicare for all), and then take it, now, to the American people? Can't they call their constituents with their little phone bots that work overtime during elections and actually offer up real information?
And while we're at it, can't the Democrats actually be Democrats, instead of Republican lite? Because there isn't a real left in this country, you know. Not a real one. Not one that advocates for everybody. Not one that believes in the power of you and me. Mostly they just believe in the power of "I" and there isn't an "I" in TEAM. But a team requires you and me, and maybe tea, meat, mate, tame and whatever other anagrams one can make from the word. But it doesn't require an "I" and it doesn't require corporate noses stuck in the business of the public or the Republic, for that matter.
Also, please stop with the memes and photos and other stuff about how stupid President Trump looks. When you demean him, you demean the office, and thus you become part of the process that has turned the United States into nothing more than King Kong with a banana in his hand, thrashing about in search of something he will never find again. So stop it already. You don't have to do anything. The man is going to do what he is going to do, and all you are doing is antagonizing "the other side," whatever that is.
Next, find some courtesy and morality. I say this to all sides, because the discourse in this country has reached the pitch of a high screech and absolutely no one is listening because all they hear is "AHHHHHHHHH" at decibels that mean nothing to anyone at all, not even an insect with super powered hearing.
And another thing, all of you, everyone of you, go read the U.S. Constitution. The Republicans or the Tea Party some years ago made a big deal about doing that on the congressional floor - so now, Democrats, you do it. I don't care if you have some junior member read it at the dead of midnight while C-Span films it, just do it. Contemplate it, discuss it, maybe even create a pamphlet that you send out to every single voter in your district that explains how government actually works. Something that says we have executive power, congressional powers, and judicial powers - the three legs of government - and that we are not a dictatorship and neither of the three parts of government is higher than the other.
Because obviously many people in this country have no idea how government works. Since that is the case, explain it to them. Enlighten. Offer free civics courses all over the country.
Be the good you say you want to be and actually do something besides kowtow to a lobbyist.
I am looking for adults to run the country. Should I put out an ad?
I keep hearing whispers about the U.S. Senate's version of the new healthcare plan. Most of what I hear is about how secretive it is. How the Republicans have shut out the Democrats, and thus no one knows what is really in the plan.
Someone fussed about how it is being put together by a bunch of white men who don't know what women need to do to keep their hoo-has in good shape.
Or that certain races of people have genetic disorders unique to them.
That contraception can't be covered but erectile dysfunction can (but that has always been the case).
That pre-existing conditions won't be part of the process.
That old people will pay 75 percent more than young people.
Or whatever.
I hear they will hold no public hearings, that they will toss their plan out on the table and say vote or not, expecting the Republican majority to march in lock-step, arms joined as they sing "No Health Care For You" and vote for the thing.
What I do not hear is that the Democrats are doing anything. Oh, they are asking questions in committees that really don't have anything to do with health care sometimes. They wonder aloud to some higher-up senator if the public will get to know what the health care bill says.
Is there some rule that says a bunch of Democrats can't get together, take the House's piece of crap AHCA, and make up their own version of what they want, and toss it out on the floor at the same time as the Republicans throw theirs out?
Can they do nothing more than rail against a process that they themselves set up?
Can't the Democrats create their version of what we really need, which is a single payer health care plan (Medicare for all), and then take it, now, to the American people? Can't they call their constituents with their little phone bots that work overtime during elections and actually offer up real information?
And while we're at it, can't the Democrats actually be Democrats, instead of Republican lite? Because there isn't a real left in this country, you know. Not a real one. Not one that advocates for everybody. Not one that believes in the power of you and me. Mostly they just believe in the power of "I" and there isn't an "I" in TEAM. But a team requires you and me, and maybe tea, meat, mate, tame and whatever other anagrams one can make from the word. But it doesn't require an "I" and it doesn't require corporate noses stuck in the business of the public or the Republic, for that matter.
Also, please stop with the memes and photos and other stuff about how stupid President Trump looks. When you demean him, you demean the office, and thus you become part of the process that has turned the United States into nothing more than King Kong with a banana in his hand, thrashing about in search of something he will never find again. So stop it already. You don't have to do anything. The man is going to do what he is going to do, and all you are doing is antagonizing "the other side," whatever that is.
Next, find some courtesy and morality. I say this to all sides, because the discourse in this country has reached the pitch of a high screech and absolutely no one is listening because all they hear is "AHHHHHHHHH" at decibels that mean nothing to anyone at all, not even an insect with super powered hearing.
And another thing, all of you, everyone of you, go read the U.S. Constitution. The Republicans or the Tea Party some years ago made a big deal about doing that on the congressional floor - so now, Democrats, you do it. I don't care if you have some junior member read it at the dead of midnight while C-Span films it, just do it. Contemplate it, discuss it, maybe even create a pamphlet that you send out to every single voter in your district that explains how government actually works. Something that says we have executive power, congressional powers, and judicial powers - the three legs of government - and that we are not a dictatorship and neither of the three parts of government is higher than the other.
Because obviously many people in this country have no idea how government works. Since that is the case, explain it to them. Enlighten. Offer free civics courses all over the country.
Be the good you say you want to be and actually do something besides kowtow to a lobbyist.
I am looking for adults to run the country. Should I put out an ad?
Thursday, June 15, 2017
Wednesday, June 14, 2017
Not Quite a Couch Potato
I bought a Fitbit, the Flex 2, about two months ago. First I bought the latest Fitbit that had the heart rate check and all of that, but, to no one's surprise, I reacted to both the band and the device. The electronic pulse from the device made my entire arm go numb, and the band caused a rash.
So I returned that.
I had given up on such devices when I ran across the Flex 2 for a very low price at Walmart. It bothers me to wear it on my wrist but I purchased a doohickey that allows me to slip into my sock. So long as I rotate legs every day, I am doing fine with this. It does not have as many bells and whistles, and I can't use the sleep mode with the doohickey in my sock (plus I don't wear socks to bed), but it counts steps and that was all I wanted anyway.
This is because I have never been able to get a pedometer to work.
Long story short, I expected to find that I walked 1,000 steps or less a day, because I am not a great exerciser and I have health issues.
Imagine my surprise to find that I average about 5,000 steps a day, just wandering around the house. Two miles back and forth from my office to the kitchen to the bathroom and the laundry room. No wonder the hall carpet needs to be replaced.
My best day so far has been 8,000 steps, and considering my health issues my physical therapist was ecstatic about that. Lately, with more physical therapy taking its toll on my pain levels, my best days have been around 6,000 steps, but still not bad for someone who frequently resorts to a cane and who cannot climb steps or hills at all.
Basically I need to increase my activity, and the only way to do this is with doubled-down effort at using the treadmill. I would love to take walks outside but uneven ground is hard on me physically, plus I'm allergic to practically everything in my environment. Achoo!
So far this Fitbit has provided good information but no weight loss. However, I am starting to understand the relationship between calories and activity. Before I have read diet books and none of it made sense - it was like a bad trig class without my wonderful high school teacher guiding me toward the X value. They made no sense to me.
Now if I can just figure out how the calories and activities compute with the junk I shove in my face, I'll make progress.
So I returned that.
I had given up on such devices when I ran across the Flex 2 for a very low price at Walmart. It bothers me to wear it on my wrist but I purchased a doohickey that allows me to slip into my sock. So long as I rotate legs every day, I am doing fine with this. It does not have as many bells and whistles, and I can't use the sleep mode with the doohickey in my sock (plus I don't wear socks to bed), but it counts steps and that was all I wanted anyway.
This is because I have never been able to get a pedometer to work.
Long story short, I expected to find that I walked 1,000 steps or less a day, because I am not a great exerciser and I have health issues.
Imagine my surprise to find that I average about 5,000 steps a day, just wandering around the house. Two miles back and forth from my office to the kitchen to the bathroom and the laundry room. No wonder the hall carpet needs to be replaced.
My best day so far has been 8,000 steps, and considering my health issues my physical therapist was ecstatic about that. Lately, with more physical therapy taking its toll on my pain levels, my best days have been around 6,000 steps, but still not bad for someone who frequently resorts to a cane and who cannot climb steps or hills at all.
Basically I need to increase my activity, and the only way to do this is with doubled-down effort at using the treadmill. I would love to take walks outside but uneven ground is hard on me physically, plus I'm allergic to practically everything in my environment. Achoo!
So far this Fitbit has provided good information but no weight loss. However, I am starting to understand the relationship between calories and activity. Before I have read diet books and none of it made sense - it was like a bad trig class without my wonderful high school teacher guiding me toward the X value. They made no sense to me.
Now if I can just figure out how the calories and activities compute with the junk I shove in my face, I'll make progress.
Monday, June 12, 2017
Turkey Chicks Soon?
This turkey hen has been hanging around the front of the house in the little glen. I asked my husband not to run the bush hog or other vehicles through there because I suspect she has a nest.
I hoping one day soon to see a bunch of little turkey chicks following after mom.
I hoping one day soon to see a bunch of little turkey chicks following after mom.
Sunday, June 11, 2017
Sunday Stealing: High School
Sunday Stealing: The High School Questions
1. Did you date someone from your school?
A. I did and my husband also attended my high school. However, he graduated four years before I did, so we did not date during our school years.
2. Did you marry someone from your high school?
A. See above. I did.
3. Did you car pool to school?
A. I either rode the bus or I drove. We live in a rural area (I'm not far from where I grew up) and the kids all drove as soon as they obtained their license (which back then was 16. It is 16 and 3 months now, like 3 months is going to make a difference.). I don't think they allow that now like they did when I was young.
4. What kind of car did you have?
A. I drove a Datsun B210. My father picked up somewhere cheap. It was a hideous burnt orange color and had a hatchback. I drove the crap out of it, and then it was passed on to my brother.
5. What kind of car do you have now?
A. I have a Toyota Camry.
6. It's Friday night. Where are you now?
A. At home in bed.
7. It is Friday night. Where were you then?
A. Out at the football game or out with friends.
8. What kind of job did you have in high school?
A. I played music in a Top 40 band, I babysat, and as I aged I worked occasionally in my father's office.
9. What kind of job do you do now?
A. I'm a writer. A lone wolf.
10. Were you a party animal?
A. No, though I did occasionally turn up at them.
11. Were you considered a flirt?
A. I don't think so, no.
12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir?
A. I was in band. I played the flute, the piccolo, the clarinet, and the saxophone. I was also in jazz band for a little while, where I played guitar.
13. Were you a nerd?
A. Yes. I was a nerd before I knew what nerds were. I was a straight A student almost always; I graduated 5th in my class with credits from the community college.
14. Did you get suspended from school?
A. I received what they called "in school" suspension once because I kept skipping band class. I had that class last and sometimes I would just go home. Back then you didn't have to check out and go through security and all the crap the kids do now. You could walk out the door and leave, and the only way anybody knew you were missing was if you didn't show up for the class roll call. And then they thought you were absent unless they checked to see if you missed other classes. Unfortunately, the band director checked. "In school" suspension basically meant you were sent to spend time with the bad kids during your free period or after school, I can't remember which.
15. Can you sing the fight song?
A. We're Cavalier born and Cavalier bred and when we die we'll be Cavaliers yet! So rah rah for Cavaliers, rah rah for Cavaliers, rah rah for Cavaliers. Very creative, eh?
16. Who was/were your favorite teacher?
A. I had many favorite teacher. One was Tina Flippen, who now goes by Tina W. because she remarried. She taught math. Another favorite was Dee Jones, now Dee S., who taught English. I still see both of them from time to time. Actually, I had lunch with Tina about a month ago.
17. Where did you sit during lunch?
A. At a table. Seriously, that was 40 years ago. I have no idea.
18. What was your school's full name?
A. Lord Botetourt High School
19. Where did you party the most?
A. I don't think there was any particular spot.
20. What was your school mascot?
A. A Cavalier. Some dude in a mustache with a hat and a rapier.
21. Would you do it again?
A. What, go back to high school? Heck no. I ain't no beauty school dropout.
22. Did you have fun at Prom?
A. I think so. I only went once, when I was a sophomore. My most cherished memory from my prom was when my date and I went by my grandmother's house so she could see me all dressed up. She cried.
23. Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with?
A. No. I don't even know where he is.
24. Are you planning on going to your next reunion?
A. I went to our 30th reunion and I think that was enough for me. I don't expect to go to any others. I'm not sure we will even have another. Our class is not very cohesive.
25. Do you still talk to people from school?
A. There are a few here and there. My husband's cousin, who lives across the street (which in rural parlance means about a mile away), graduated the same year I did, as did another of his cousins. I am Facebook friends with many of the people from high school.
26. What are/were your school's colors?
A. They were red, gray and white.
1. Did you date someone from your school?
A. I did and my husband also attended my high school. However, he graduated four years before I did, so we did not date during our school years.
2. Did you marry someone from your high school?
A. See above. I did.
3. Did you car pool to school?
A. I either rode the bus or I drove. We live in a rural area (I'm not far from where I grew up) and the kids all drove as soon as they obtained their license (which back then was 16. It is 16 and 3 months now, like 3 months is going to make a difference.). I don't think they allow that now like they did when I was young.
4. What kind of car did you have?
A. I drove a Datsun B210. My father picked up somewhere cheap. It was a hideous burnt orange color and had a hatchback. I drove the crap out of it, and then it was passed on to my brother.
5. What kind of car do you have now?
A. I have a Toyota Camry.
6. It's Friday night. Where are you now?
A. At home in bed.
7. It is Friday night. Where were you then?
A. Out at the football game or out with friends.
 |
| Me with my guitar. |
A. I played music in a Top 40 band, I babysat, and as I aged I worked occasionally in my father's office.
9. What kind of job do you do now?
A. I'm a writer. A lone wolf.
10. Were you a party animal?
A. No, though I did occasionally turn up at them.
11. Were you considered a flirt?
A. I don't think so, no.
 |
| Me with my flute. |
A. I was in band. I played the flute, the piccolo, the clarinet, and the saxophone. I was also in jazz band for a little while, where I played guitar.
13. Were you a nerd?
A. Yes. I was a nerd before I knew what nerds were. I was a straight A student almost always; I graduated 5th in my class with credits from the community college.
14. Did you get suspended from school?
A. I received what they called "in school" suspension once because I kept skipping band class. I had that class last and sometimes I would just go home. Back then you didn't have to check out and go through security and all the crap the kids do now. You could walk out the door and leave, and the only way anybody knew you were missing was if you didn't show up for the class roll call. And then they thought you were absent unless they checked to see if you missed other classes. Unfortunately, the band director checked. "In school" suspension basically meant you were sent to spend time with the bad kids during your free period or after school, I can't remember which.
15. Can you sing the fight song?
A. We're Cavalier born and Cavalier bred and when we die we'll be Cavaliers yet! So rah rah for Cavaliers, rah rah for Cavaliers, rah rah for Cavaliers. Very creative, eh?
16. Who was/were your favorite teacher?
A. I had many favorite teacher. One was Tina Flippen, who now goes by Tina W. because she remarried. She taught math. Another favorite was Dee Jones, now Dee S., who taught English. I still see both of them from time to time. Actually, I had lunch with Tina about a month ago.
17. Where did you sit during lunch?
A. At a table. Seriously, that was 40 years ago. I have no idea.
18. What was your school's full name?
A. Lord Botetourt High School
19. Where did you party the most?
A. I don't think there was any particular spot.
20. What was your school mascot?
A. A Cavalier. Some dude in a mustache with a hat and a rapier.
21. Would you do it again?
A. What, go back to high school? Heck no. I ain't no beauty school dropout.
22. Did you have fun at Prom?
A. I think so. I only went once, when I was a sophomore. My most cherished memory from my prom was when my date and I went by my grandmother's house so she could see me all dressed up. She cried.
23. Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with?
A. No. I don't even know where he is.
24. Are you planning on going to your next reunion?
A. I went to our 30th reunion and I think that was enough for me. I don't expect to go to any others. I'm not sure we will even have another. Our class is not very cohesive.
25. Do you still talk to people from school?
A. There are a few here and there. My husband's cousin, who lives across the street (which in rural parlance means about a mile away), graduated the same year I did, as did another of his cousins. I am Facebook friends with many of the people from high school.
26. What are/were your school's colors?
A. They were red, gray and white.
Saturday, June 10, 2017
Saturday 9: Cookie!
Saturday 9: C Is for Cookie
Don't blame Sam. Harriet requested Cookie Monster.
Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.
1) This week's featured artist, Cookie Monster says his favorite TV show is Monsterpiece Theater. What show do you try never to miss?
A. Lately I have been watching Supergirl, so I made sure to always watch that until the season ended. I also confess that in the last 15 years I have probably missed maybe 5 episodes of Survivor. Every year I ask myself why I keep watching that show, and every year I watch it. I am also a fan of Game of Thrones.
2) Though he goes by Cookie Monster professionally, he is still called Sid by his family. When will you next get together with your relatives?
A. I don't know. Christmas, I guess.
3) Now for the cookie questions! Where do you weigh in on this age-old controversy: Is a brownie a cookie or a cake?
A. A brownie is its own thing. It is neither cake nor cookie.
4) Fig Newtons contain no cholesterol. Do you read nutrition labels before eating snacks? Or does knowing the truth about your favorite sweets ruin your enjoyment?
A. I read the nutrition labels and eat it anyway.
5) Biscotti are designed for dipping into drinks. Do you like to dunk your cookies?
A. Cookies should only be dunked in milk, and I cannot drink milk, so I do not dunk cookies.
6) Do you prefer cookies made with milk chocolate chips, dark chocolate chips or semi-sweet chocolate chips? Or are you a rebel who prefers butterscotch chips?
A. I like them either with milk chocolate or semi-sweet but it must be the Nestle Tollhouse Cookie recipe if homemade.
7) Bill Murray once said, "Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues." Do you like raisin cookies?
A. I don't mind them.
8) Nabisco still sells animal-shaped cookies in a red box that looks like a train car labeled, "Barnum's Animals." However Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus gave their last-ever performance on May 21, 2017. Have you ever been to the circus?
A. When I was very young. I vaguely remember it.
9) Have you ever received a memorable fortune in a fortune cookie?
A. Nothing I can recall, no. And no winning lottery numbers, either!
_____________
I encourage you to visit other participants in Saturday 9 posts and leave a comment. Because there are no rules, it is your choice. Saturday 9 players hate rules. We love memes, however.
Don't blame Sam. Harriet requested Cookie Monster.
Unfamiliar with this week's tune? Hear it here.
1) This week's featured artist, Cookie Monster says his favorite TV show is Monsterpiece Theater. What show do you try never to miss?
A. Lately I have been watching Supergirl, so I made sure to always watch that until the season ended. I also confess that in the last 15 years I have probably missed maybe 5 episodes of Survivor. Every year I ask myself why I keep watching that show, and every year I watch it. I am also a fan of Game of Thrones.
2) Though he goes by Cookie Monster professionally, he is still called Sid by his family. When will you next get together with your relatives?
A. I don't know. Christmas, I guess.
3) Now for the cookie questions! Where do you weigh in on this age-old controversy: Is a brownie a cookie or a cake?
A. A brownie is its own thing. It is neither cake nor cookie.
4) Fig Newtons contain no cholesterol. Do you read nutrition labels before eating snacks? Or does knowing the truth about your favorite sweets ruin your enjoyment?
A. I read the nutrition labels and eat it anyway.
5) Biscotti are designed for dipping into drinks. Do you like to dunk your cookies?
A. Cookies should only be dunked in milk, and I cannot drink milk, so I do not dunk cookies.
6) Do you prefer cookies made with milk chocolate chips, dark chocolate chips or semi-sweet chocolate chips? Or are you a rebel who prefers butterscotch chips?
A. I like them either with milk chocolate or semi-sweet but it must be the Nestle Tollhouse Cookie recipe if homemade.
7) Bill Murray once said, "Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues." Do you like raisin cookies?
A. I don't mind them.
8) Nabisco still sells animal-shaped cookies in a red box that looks like a train car labeled, "Barnum's Animals." However Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus gave their last-ever performance on May 21, 2017. Have you ever been to the circus?
A. When I was very young. I vaguely remember it.
9) Have you ever received a memorable fortune in a fortune cookie?
A. Nothing I can recall, no. And no winning lottery numbers, either!
_____________
I encourage you to visit other participants in Saturday 9 posts and leave a comment. Because there are no rules, it is your choice. Saturday 9 players hate rules. We love memes, however.
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