SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

*This is a work of fiction.*

I am going to run for President of the United States.

I don't have a platform, but I don't need one.  I promise you this: under my administration you will not pay federal taxes to the United States of America. None.

That's because I promise that within my first year, there will no longer be a United States of America.

Within one hour of my swearing in, I will call a special session of every state governor and its two senators (forget Congress, bunch of yahoos).  Together we will divide up the country, and end this fiasco.

We will negate the U.S. Constitution forever. Each new little country can do what it damn well pleases.

This means you will no longer have Social Security, Medicare, interstates, free movement about this vast land, national parks, or a big military. No welfare, nothing to keep you from starving except the goodwill of your neighbors, and no rule of law. You'll have to create that yourselves. You can adopt some form of the U.S. Constitution if you want, or you can use a state's constitution, or you can just play it by ear, for all I care. You can have a president, a dictator, a queen, a king, an emperor, empress, dictator, whatever. Go for it.

Unfortunately, because the U.S. is running at a deficit, there will be nothing to return to each citizen. Instead, you will each (every man, woman and child) owe at least $70,000 and change to pay current outstanding bills. However, that will be payable to your new little nation-state, not the federal government, because this unpaid balance will be handed off to each new little country on a per capita basis. Sorry about that. That means all of these little nations will probably be in the hole to begin with, so no other country is going to help you out or loan you money or anything. But I'm sure you can handle it. After all, this seems to be what everybody wants now, no federal government, no oversight. Just the ability to do what you want.

I looked at a map and here is how I anticipate distribution of land mass:

Starting from the west:

the state of Hawaii will be Hawaii.

the state of Alaska will be Alaska (unless Canada wants it).

the states of California, Nevada, Oregon, and Washington will become Calivadagon.

the states of Idaho, Montana, and Wyoming will be Monomaha.

the states of North Dakota, South Dakota, and Nebraska will be Dakato.

the states of Minnesota, Wisconsin, and Iowa will be Winnesowa.

the states of Utah and Arizona will be Arizona.

the states of Colorado, New Mexico, Kansas, and Oklahoma will be New Radohoma.

the state of Texas will just be Texas.

the states of Missouri, Arkansas, Louisiana, and Mississippi will become Missarkiania.

the states of Tennessee, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, and the southern part of Virginia will be Carolina.

the state of Florida will remain Florida.

the states of Kentucky, West Virginia, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, and Michigan will be Illindiano.

the northern part of Virginia, Pennsylvania, Delaware, Washington DC, Maryland, and New Jersey will be Pennaryland.

The northeastern states from New York up, which include Maine, Massachusetts, Vermont, Rhode Island, and Connecticut, will be New Massachusetts.

Of course, the name choices can change, and some states may decide they need to be divided, like I divided Virginia. I live in Virginia and I know it's politically divided, but I would have to leave that to the governors to determine if say, part of New Mexico should really go with Texas.

After all, while I may be a fairly stable genius, I'm also intelligent enough to know I don't know everything.

Now all of this is going to create a lot of instability for a while, so the United States Military will remain viable until things settle down. We'll offer some protection from conquests for a bit. We will take military bulldozers to all the connecting roads and interstates so that people can't move from one new area to the other. I will plant a soldier every 20 feet along every boundary until each little nation state can get its wall built. We can't have any cross-over because that will mess up the math. Don't want no Pennarylanders trying to become New Radohomas now, do we? Orders will be to shoot on site until the walls are built, so don't try to move, okay?

However, once every little nation is up and running, which I think will take about three years, the U.S. Military will completely disband and each little nation will be on its own. If Florida wants to go to war with Carolina because they need the food Carolina produces, have at it. And of course Florida folks don't care if China moves in and takes over Alaska.

This will give everyone everything they seem to want. No reliance on any federal government, just reliance on themselves.

Good luck to you all.

You can send money for my election when I set up a gofundme account.

*Again, a work of fiction. I can't believe I feel like I have to write that twice.*