Thursday, April 10, 2014

Thursday Thirteen

Today I offer you 13 ways not to die too young.


This is NOT a bear.
1. Don't mess with bears. Bears will eat you.

2. Don't swim in shark-infested waters. Sharks will eat you, too.


It would hurt
 if this tree
fell on your head.
3. Don't get in the way of a falling tree. A falling tree will squash you into the ground. Then you will be just as dead as if a bear ate you. 


4. Don't drive your car, ATV, or motorcycle over a cliff. Odds are good you won't survive the drop. Your vehicle might go up in flames just like in the movies, too. Not a lovely way to burn. Not to mention start a forest fire.

5. Don't fall from high places. These includes ladders, roofs, treetops, and trapeze wires, plus lower places like are still high, such as the seat of that chair you stood on to reach the top of the refrigerator.

6. Don't walk beneath anvils, pianos, or other heavy objects when some idiot is trying to lift them to a second-story window. They might fall and squash you as dead as the falling tree.

7. Don't do stupid things while driving, such as texting, talking on the phone, playing video games, reading, putting on makeup, stuffing your face with drive-thru food, etc. It really is true that it only takes a second for you to lose your focus and then control of the car. Next thing you know, you've driven over a cliff and started a forest fire.

8. Look both ways when you cross the street. You never know when some jerk will come flying along and BAM, you're mincemeat, all because you were looking at your smartphone and not paying attention to what you were doing when you were in the crosswalk.

9. Don't jump out of airplanes without a parachute. Unless you're a Marvel Comic Superhero, doing so will most likely kill you. At the very least it will mangle you up pretty good. We don't need no manglings today.

This might make a fine
wine or dress up a salad.
10. Don't eat poisonous mushrooms. If you are not a poisonous plant expert, it's a good idea to keep anything that grows wild out of your mouth. Now if you plant a garden and something comes up, you can eat that. Unless it's a weed. Dandelions are okay but some weeds taste very bad. And they can kill you if they are poison.

12. Don't play with poisonous snakes. I know there are religious folks out there who do this on a daily basis, but I think the average person can greatly increase his or her lifespan simply by staying away from slithering beasties. Those forked tongues flicking in and out. Yuck. Who wants to play with those things, anyway? Not to mention that if they are poisonous they will by definition kill you.

13. Don't stand outside in a field during a thunderstorm. What, are you a fool? Get in out of the rain. If you can't find shelter immediately, crouch low to the ground and turn yourself into a ball. Don't lie flat on the ground! Lightning seeks out the highest thing around.

What do all of these have in common? Being alert to what is going on around you! How can you best do that? By being in the present moment and putting down your cellphone.

Otherwise, the bear will eat you and you won't even have seen it coming.


Thursday Thirteen is played by lots of people; there is a list here. I've been playing for a while and this is my 339th time to do a list of 13 on a Thursday.  

10 comments:

  1. Good advice, Anita. There's a lot of people who think that doing things mentioned in #7 won't be hazardous to their well being...many have been proven wrong, sadly.

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  2. We don't need no manglings today??? Lol!! I'm happy to see my English Major sister aint got no English either!! :)

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    1. When one knows how to use the language correctly, then one is free to mangle when the situation calls for mangling.

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  3. I often wonder how the majority of us stay alive for so long.

    I saw a sign on Facebook today that said "Life is what happens when your busy looking at your iphone," a take-off on John Lennon's line.

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  4. Your header is phenomenal and makes me so nostalgic

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  5. I guess it is helpful to be married to a fireman. He can tell you all the ways to die, so that you never will.

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  6. How refreshing to read something more than just a list of things to avoid, but good solid rationales for not doing them. Seriously: I couldn't really come up with a single good reason not to drive over a cliff until I read this. Thanks!

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  7. Simple rules to live by. I think I can manage that. Except maybe the bears thing. We're always getting eaten by bears in Montana.

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  8. OMG! Pretty common sense advice, but your delivery has me rolling with laughter. And number eight? That happened to a woman here last year, except it was a city bus. Lucky for her it only "side-swiped" her and she lived to do something stupid another day.

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